Friday, December 20, 2013

The Worst Movies of 2013

The Holiday Season is also the movie season.

Many Hollywood blockbusters open on Christmas Day and for many families, going to the movies on Christmas is a holiday tradition.  Also movie production companies are releasing their films in time for Oscar consideration.

So since I have been traveling to visit family and trying to get all of my holiday tasks completed, I haven't been watching as many DVDs or going to the movies, so instead of my usual Friday Week in Reviews, I thought I would take a break and weigh in on the worst films of 2013 (I will make my Oscar predictions later this month) in my usual trenchant, insightful and opinionated way.  These are films you don't even want to see on DVD.  Trust me.

Yahoo put out a Ten Worst Movies of 2013 list and checking on some others, most lists seem to mostly concur with this one, so see what you think.


I have added a few of mine so it's actually the
15 Worst Movies of 2013.




1.  A Good Day to Die Hard

 
John McClane travels to Russia to help out his son who turns out to be a CIA operative.  We sure don't know our kids very well, do we?

Rosy the Reviewer says...Die Hard 1 and 2 were actually quite good, but you beat something to death enough and it dies...hard!



2.  Movie 43


A series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

Rosy the Reviewer says... what happens when you put Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Liev Schreiber, Anna Faris, Chris Pratt, Naomi Watts, Kate Bosworth, Halle Berry and Uma Thurman together (and there were more big stars). 

Unbelievably...crap, that's what.



3.  After Earth

 
Will Smith and son in a sci-fi adventure.

Rosy the Reviewer says...there is a reason there are nepotism rules.




4.  The Lone Ranger


An attempt to revive the old classic TV show.

Rosy the Reviewer says...it didn't work.
When Johnny Depp is unrecognizable, what's the point?




5.  Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters


Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world.

Rosy the Reviewer says...It's campy and the special effects are hoaky but, I didn't actually mind this one.  If you like TV shows like "Once Upon a Time" and "Grimm," you might actually like this one.




6.  Machete Kills

 
Machete is actually a person and is recruited by the U.S. Government to take down an arms dealer in Mexico who wants to launch a weapon into space.


Rosy the Reviewer says...Sophia Vergara's machine gun bra says it all.




7.  Grown-ups 2

 
Three years after the first "Grown Ups," Lenny moves back to the town where he grew up and crazy stuff happens.

Rosy the Reviewer says...we didn't like this puerile, moronic humor the first time.  Why make another?




8.  Oldboy

 
Josh Brolin sets out to discover why he was kidnapped and kept in solitary confinement for 20 years and to seek revenge.  This is a remake of the 2003 mystery thriller film directed by Park Chan-wook.

Rosy the Reviewer says...I am not a fan of remaking perfectly good films just because the first one was not in English.  "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" is a case in point.   But at least the American remake was OK on that one. 

Spike, Spike, what happened?  Why remake a perfectly good film and then remake it badly?  I expect more of you.






9.  The Canyons

You have Bret Easton Ellis as writer and Paul Schrader directing this tale of mind games and bloody violence.  What happened?

Rosy the Reviewer says...someone must have pitched this as "We have Lindsay Lohan, we can't lose."




10.  The Hangover III

 
The Wolf Pack is back.
 
Rosy the Reviewer says... Once again, if you have something good like the first Hangover film, let's keep making it over and over and over.  No one will notice it's really bad.  Not!
 
In France this was called "The Very Bad Day," and that's what you will have if you see this film.



Now I have to add a few of my own:




11.  Only God Forgives

 
Ryan Gosling plays a drug smuggler in Bangkok who goes on a blood bath revenge spree to avenge his brother death. (I reviewed this in my blog "Will Your Husband Cheat? and the Week in Reviews November 1, 2013)

Rosy the Reviewer says...And Ryan, I hope God forgives you for this bloody mess.






12.  The Big Wedding


A long-divorced couple fakes being married as their family unites for a wedding in what is supposed to be a comedy.

Rosy the Reviewer says...You may ask, how can a film with Robert DeNiro, Diane Keaton, Robin Williams, Katherine Heigl and Amanda Seyfried go so terribly wrong?  Don't ask.  It just does.




13.  The Counselor

 
 A drug deal goes terribly wrong and everyone pays.  (I first reviewed this film in my blog "Will your husband cheat?")
 
Rosy the Reviewer says...this is one of those films where you just know something really, really gruesome is coming.  And it does...over and over.  You expect more from writer Cormac McCarthy.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
Another installment in the Iron Man franchise. (I first reviewed this in my Week in Reviews October 11, 2013).
 
Rosy the Reviewer says...Smart ass Super Heroes are annoying.



15.  To the Wonder

 
After falling in love in Paris, a couple moves to Oklahoma. (I first reviewed this in my blog "Baby Boomer Fashion Show.")
 
Rosy the Reviewer says... Moral:  Don't move to Oklahoma from Paris. Terrence Malick films can be real yawn fests.  And this is one.
 
 
 
What do you think of this list? 
Any to add?
 
Take a break from your holiday stress and weigh in.
 
 
See you Tuesday for a Baby Boomer's
Christmas Eve Memories.
 
Thanks for reading!
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8 comments :

  1. Let's see your list of the best holiday films! Any that aren't overplayed to death every year?

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  2. I think you should start a movie club (instead of a book club). I'd certainly come if I could!

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    1. What a great idea, Juhli. I wonder how I would get that started. I wonder if the library would want to support something like that. I will look into that!

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    2. My 13 year+ book club was started by one person inviting about 4 of us to meet and discuss how to proceed. Then we all invited more people and it went from there. An independent movie theatre near us hosts a Sunday morning movie group led by a professor who talks about the movie before it is shown. That might be another option. The library is a great option too. Good luck.

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  3. If it has Jeremy Renner it cannot be all bad. Period. Nuff said??

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    1. This comment has been removed by the author.

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    2. I hear you, Barb. I like Jeremy too but he was wasted in H & G, though I did say I rather liked it. The critics didn't and it was no "Hurt Locker" which btw I predicted would win the Oscar even before the noms were announced.

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