Showing posts with label Retired. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Retired. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The Ten Commandments of Retirement

I know my blog seems like self promotion much of the time, because I am always showing pictures from my childhood, pictures of myself in "get ups (as my mother used to say)" and talking about my life.

 
 


But I always hoped that people realized I was making fun of myself as much as I was making fun of what I was talking about (well, I made fun of Hubby, too, but he's used to it), and that, though much of what I wrote about was tongue-in-cheek, I was also trying to inspire women like myself, impart information about what it's like to be a "woman of a certain age" and to just have some fun with where I was in my life. I was also hoping that Oprah would discover this blog and pull me out of obscurity. Unfortunately, that never happened, but, believe it or not, there were actually people out there who said they enjoyed my pictures and what I had to say.

Before I get into today's topic, I want to say that I have been wrestling with whether or not I should keep pushing myself to publish a Tuesday post. 

If you are a regular reader, you know I publish my movie and book reviews every Friday, but I reserve Tuesday for my "rants," as I call them, but which are really my take on what's going on in my world as a "woman of a certain age" and the world around me. I reminisce, bitch and try to inspire, while also trying to be humorous, but I am thinking that perhaps I don't have that much to say every single week.  If you asked Hubby he would most certainly say I have much to say EVERY DAY, but I want to write things that are at least fresh and funny, if not important. 

In my Tuesday blog post, I have tried to inspire women of a certain age to not give up because they have accumulated a few pounds and a few wrinkles and to let them know they are not alone in their retirement and aging struggles.  I also hoped to help the younger generation understand such people - we retired women of a certain age - and also to be funny, to inform, to get a conversation going, to make you think...but I have also stressed myself out about meeting my self-imposed deadlines.  Even when I went on vacation, I would work extra hours beforehand to have some posts ready to make sure I would publish on my regular schedule so I wouldn't disappoint my regular readers, even if I was in Victoria, B.C. or Timbuktu (I actually have never been to Timbuktu but it made me sound cool, right?). 

In the last three years since I have retired I have published 342 posts - two per week without fail - and there have been over 100,000 page views, though I would sure like to say 1,000,000 page views. 

I started writing this blog a little over three years ago, right before I retired, as an antidote to my fears and anxieties about retirementOne week in, I was losing my mind a little bit and even started wondering whether dogs ever retired or what it would be like to be a retired Real Housewife.  But once I started feeling comfortable, I started sharing what I had learned about myself in retirement in the hope that it would help others who were struggling. About one year in, I finally got it - The joy of retirement - and just recently, I found the ultimate "key" to a happy retirement.  

Likewise, since I was a librarian for over 40 years, I enjoyed talking about libraries and librarians and trying to smash the myths around them with "Why I Love My Library," "Why We Need Librarians," "Interview with a Librarian" and "Things Librarians Hate." Then my blog sort of morphed into my thoughts on aging and what was going on around me and a way to review my life, past and present with an emphasis on TV, my love of pop culture, my trips and activities and my pet peeves, which I called my "rants."

But now I am no longer struggling with retirement (I LOVE it!). I  think I have come a long way and I have certainly documented all of that in my blog over the last three years, so I think I have probably said everything I need to say about what I have learned.  Likewise, about libraries and librarians.  And getting older?  I think I've beaten that horse too. I also think I have exhausted my views on TV, Kim Kardashian and other pop culture topics and ranted my little head off about most of the things that bug me. I even shared my colonoscopy and my menopause, so if I would go there, you can tell I was already stretching my search for topics a couple of years ago! Though, I will say, if you are going to have a colonoscopy, you might want to read that one!   It's funny, if I do say so myself.

I have also tackled a wide variety of other topics:


And those are just a small percentage of the posts I have written over the last three years (and if you are interested in others, there is an archive on the right side of this blog that goes back to the very beginning).

But you can see I have a wide range of interests that I wanted to share, and I shared every Tuesday no matter what.

However, that dedication is starting to take its toll, especially since all of that extra work hasn't resulted in Oprah discovering me which is disappointing.  Even my adult children rarely comment or share my posts. I also find myself writing blog posts in my mind lying in bed at night and when I wake up in the morning.  It has become a lot of pressure and I'm retired.  I'm not supposed to be under pressure anymore!  So I am thinking it is time to re-evaluate. 

So that I don't show signs of dementia and start repeating myself, I think it's probably time to take a breather on Tuesdays and concentrate on my Friday movie and book reviews with the occasional restaurant and concert/theatre review thrown in. 

Now, those of you who are my fans, and I so thank you for your support, that doesn't mean I am done with my editorializing. 

It just means that I might not publish one of my rants every single Tuesday, but when I feel inspired I still will.  Because you see, I really feel that one of my purposes in life is to communicate.  I need to do it and feel that sometimes at least I do it well.  So it's not the end of me, just a regrouping.  So please don't forget about me.  And as the classic C & W song says, "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?" 

So I am going to go away for awhile and hopefully you will miss me.

(And if you are unfamiliar with the song, here it is.  I always aim to be helpful).







As I said, I will definitely continue to write my movie and book reviews and try to see all 1001 movies I am supposed to see before I die and report back. 

I always wanted to be a movie critic and I don't think there are many of those who speak from, shall we say, a mature point of view - and with a sense of humor - so that fulfills one desire, but the other one is...I don't really have anyone to talk movies with. 

Remember when we were young and would go to the movies to see the latest Antonioni or Bunuel and when it was over go to a bar and emphatically talk about the film?  I don't have that.  Hubby and I watch movies together, but he's a guy and once he says, "That was good," it's over.  So in writing my reviews I was hoping to get responses, and though some of you do respond when I post my blog on FB, I haven't really gotten any community together or a conversation going via my blog. Maybe blogging has become passe and everyone has moved on to vlogging or some other bit of social media. But I am still hoping and you can still find me on IMDB and on my site on Fridays.

Anyway, thank you everyone for your support and I hope you will still look for Rosy the Reviewer on my site on Tuesdays as well as Fridays, even though there might not be a new post every Tuesday anymore.  But I will still be posting my rants, just not every week. But on Friday, you can still expect to see my trenchant, pithy and sometimes humorous movie and book reviews in Rosy the Reviewer's inimitable style!

Now as a sort of farewell and so you won't miss me too much (but remember, this isn't really goodbye) on to a Tuesday rant.

I have been retired now for over three years and though the first year and a half was a bit rocky, I think I have come out of the early retirement shadows and seen the light.

If you compare some of my early posts to recent posts, you can easily see that.  But now I think putting all of that together, I can condense them all down into ten easy "commandments" that I hope will be helpful to the struggling newly retired and those who are uneasily contemplating it.


The Ten Commandments of Retirement

 

1. Thou shalt no longer have a boss or, if thy can manage it, a landlord, and thou shalt be happy about that.

We are grown-ups.  Who wants someone telling us what we can and cannot do, right? You now no longer have to do anything you don't want to do. So if you are mourning the loss of your job, think about it like that.  And if you are mourning the loss of your job so much that you are thinking about getting another job, don't!  Give it time.  You will come to enjoy your own company.


2. Thou shalt not get up until at least 9:30 (or thou wilt give the rest of us retirees a bad name).


3. Thou shalt not feel guilty about what thee watches on TV or what thee read-ith or what thee enjoy-ith.

There are snobs and haters out there who are meant to bringeth you down but they are probably not retired and pissed off about it. Thou have earned thy guilty pleasures so don't feel guilty.

 
4. Thou shalt not worry about meaning in thy life now that you are retired, because thy existence is meaning enough. No matter how oldeth you geteth you will always be YOU, that same person you have always been and think you are when you aren't looking in the mirror.

 
 
5. Thou shalt enjoy thyself and not feel guilty about doing whatever the hell you want. 

Do what you love.  It's never too late to be a rock star!




6. Thou shalt have wine or champs for lunch if thy wish it.

Why not?  It's not like you have to go back to work or anything, right?



 
 
8. Thou shalt always have a sense of humor about thyself!


 

 


8. Thou shalt not look old or act old.

Thou shalt stay connected, get out in the world, look trendy, wear make-up and get up front at rock concerts!


And if your find yourself reaching for the Ben Gay, counting out every penny from your coin purse at the grocery store and holding up the line or, worse, going to the store in your pajamas, read "How Not to Look Old" and "How Not to Act Old" for inspiration.



9. Thou shalt loveth thy grandchildren with all thy might.


Even if they live far, far away. 
(I tackled that issue in "Parenting and Grandparenting from a Distance.")
 

10. Thou shalt never give up or go "gentle into that good night," though you might take a break from time to time.

And that's what I am going to do.



But I will still publish my reviews on Fridays and for my "rants," please check in from time to time on a Tuesday or come see me at my Rosy the Reviewer Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer/



Thanks for Reading!
 
See you Friday
 

for my review of


"Sully"
 
and 
  
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

   
and the latest on



"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  
 I Die Project."
 

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer

Tuesday, July 26, 2016

The Key to a Happy Retirement: Yes, I Have Found the Key!



Yes, that's right.  I have found the key to a happy retirement, and I am going to share it with you.






You know how all of the books on retirement warn you that the most difficult thing about retirement won't be a financial one, but an emotional and mental one?  Where once your job was your identity and gave you a sense of purpose, in retirement it is now important to find another sense of purpose so you won't go out on the golf course and drop dead because you have no sense of self worth anymore?  All those years that you worked, you had a purpose.  Your job defined you to a certain extent so if you wanted to make the transition to a happy retirement, you needed to find purpose.

When I retired, that really scared me.

When I first retired, I felt guilty leaving a job I could have kept doing, but I was 65 and I wanted to leave on a high point.  As Barbara Walters said when she retired from "The View," she wanted to leave when people would say, "Why are you leaving?" rather than wait for them to say, "Why don't you leave?"  That's how I felt too.  I had done what I meant to do, felt good about my career and the people who had crossed my path over the years, but it was time to go.  But I worried about this purpose thing I had heard about.  I had worked since I was 14 and when I married and had children, I worked and then came home to be with my family.  I didn't really have hobbies other than happy hour and going out to eat once in awhile.

So what was I going to do with all of that free time I was going to have when I retired?  How was I going to find purpose in my life?

So like the good little librarian that I was, I started to do some research.


Here are some books I read:


"The Joy of Not Working: A Book for the Retired, the Unemployed and the Overworked" by Ernie Zelinski (2003)



He recommended creating a "Get-a-Life Tree," a sort of chart where you list all of the things that you ever wanted to do.  "Get-a-Life" Tree right away signaled that maybe I didn't have a life, which was kind of depressing.  Anyway, I think he was trying to get me to realize I had more interests than I thought, but by the time I listed winning an Oscar and losing 50 pounds, it depressed me even more because it all seemed like so much work. Wasn't I retiring so I didn't have to work anymore?




"How to Enjoy Your Retirement: Activities from A-Z" by Tricia Wagner and Barbara Day (2006)


I know they were trying to be helpful, but their list of activities I might enjoy, such as learning to use an abacus or getting a face lift didn't seem like that would give me a sense of purpose.





"Retire with a Mission: Planning and Purpose for the Second Half of Life" by Richard G. Wendel (2008)


I was really hopeful with this book, because the people on the cover looked so happy and young!  But when the author said, "A negative countenance and chronic complaining have always been and will always be the pathway to isolation," I could see that I was going to have to become a completely different person to find purpose and enjoy my retirement, and I didn't see how that was going to happen.  Not this late in the game, anyway.




"How to Retire without Retreating: Getting Your Ducks in a Row for a Meaningful Retirement" by Johnnie Godwin (2004)



"As your formal career winds down, be sure to plan for the ten, twenty, or more years of retirement that await you."  Too late.  I'm already retired.  Plus, she wanted me to go to church.


So though some of the ideas in those books were helpful, they didn't really spark me to make that many changes or to embark on a new way of life.  In fact, they just made me feel pressured to fill my days with meaningful activities which reminded me of having a job again.



And then I had an epiphany that changed everything.


Yes, my job gave me purpose.  As a librarian in a public library, I was able to help many people find information that helped them make sense of the world they lived in.  I taught computer classes to help people find jobs, and I arranged for citizenship and ESL classes to be held at the library to help newcomers to the United States.  All of that made me feel purposeful. 
 
But I also realized that when I was working, every day I had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do.

Even if you loved your job, think of all of the things you really didn't want to do.

Think about it.

Every day you were confronted with activities and responsibilities you probably didn't enjoy very much and didn't really want to do.

  • In my case, I not only had to show up at work, I had to show up on time, and you know I am not a morning person.
  • I was only allowed a certain number of days off and sometimes when I wanted time off, it was denied.
  • I had no maternity leave (I went back to work when my babies were only six weeks old), and if I had to leave to take care of a sick child, it could be a problem.
  • I was a manager so I often had to address employee issues that I really didn't want to address.
  • Library customers could be demanding and I had to listen to their complaints.
  • I had to attend meetings that could be boring.
  • I had to deal with traffic getting to and from work.
 
I could go on, but I think I've made my point, and I am sure you could make your own list of things you don't really like to do at work.

So as I have been wrestling with this whole issue of finding purpose in my retirement, here is what I have discovered.
 
Are you ready for it? 

Do you need to find new purpose to enjoy your retirement?

No.

Screw purpose.
 
Ta-da!!!

And that's the key to a happy retirement.

You don't have to find purpose, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do any more.  You are free of all of that.

The freedom of retirement is in and of itself your purpose: to be free of the constraints of a job and the realization that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do any more is purpose enough.

If you feel pressure to find a new purpose, that's like looking for a job.  And when you find your new purpose, that's like HAVING a new job, which could lead to a whole new set of things you don't really want to do.
 
Hell, your existence is purpose enough.
 
Now does that mean I sit around all day watching TV?  Sometimes, if that's what I want to do.  But, no, I don't.  I have gotten involved in a few things such as volunteering as a senior peer counselor, which I really enjoy because I still have that "I like to help people gene" in me.  I exercise regularly and write this blog, and I have tried some new things like meditation and playing with tarot cards.  But I don't have to keep doing any of those things.  I can stop doing them whenever I want to.  I don't have a boss telling me I have to do something.  I am now my own boss.

I have also tried some things that I didn't like, such as Zumba and bird watching (just kidding about the bird watching - inside joke).  The main problem with Zumba was that it was at 10am and I don't like to have to be anywhere that early if I don't have to be and since I am retired I don't have to be. 

The main point is I have tried some things, didn't like them so I stopped doing them, because I can.  I don't have to get myself into anything I can't get myself out of anymore... 
 
BECAUSE I AM FREE!



So if you are getting ready to retire or have retired and are at loose ends about what you should do with yourself, just remember this:

You don't need to spend your retirement looking for your purpose or make elaborate plans before you retire. YOU are your purpose.  Your existence is purpose enough. You are now free to do whatever you want and you are also free to NOT do anything you don't want to do any more.  You are free!

When you free yourself of the "shoulds" in your life, your mind is free to discover what you really enjoy, and if that's solving the problems of the world, fine.  But if it's sitting in a chair every day with a good book or watching "The View," that's also fine.

And for those of you out there whose identity is so tied to your job or career that you are worried about what you will say when someone asks you what you do (and this seems to be more of an issue for men), just say:

"I am enjoying my life and my freedom."

Now go out there and enjoy your life and your freedom.
 
I'm going to go watch "The View."



Thanks for reading!
 
  
See you Friday
 

for my review of

  
"The Fundamentals of Caring"
 
 
and 
  
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)
 
  
and the latest on
 
"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  
 I Die Project."
 
 
 
  

 
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer
 
 
  








Tuesday, May 3, 2016

The Stresses of Being Retired

I haven't written about retirement for awhile, but since it is a state I am constantly in, it can't help but raise its little head from time to time on this blog.  So here it is again.

It's been almost three years now since I shut my office door for the last time, and I've been feeling a bit down, a bit at loose ends lately, a bit stressed, so I thought I would go back and take a look at some of the blog posts I wrote earlier in my retirement.

I had written about the things I was worried about when I retired: 

"Retirement: Do Dogs Ever Retire?" (this one is DEEP).



and "Retirement: Is the Honeymoon Over?"  This last one was written only a couple of months after I retired!  Read it and you will see why I used an exclamation point here!  And then again. 

But then six months after I retired, things were looking up when I wrote "My Retirement Journey - Six Months Later." 

That one ended with

"This IS my life now." 
And like starting one's own business, it is up to me for good or ill to make it successful.   
So now I have that list of things I want to pursue that I can add to my days at any time. 
Six months from now my routine might look very different.  My purpose changed.
But, you know what?  If it doesn't, I am not going to stress about it.  I am enjoying this time with myself."
 

Ah, the innocence of the newly retired.
 

Because three years in, I AM stressing about it.
 
When those who are not yet retired think of retirement, they are probably mostly thinking about whether or not they can afford it.  And they might think about what they will do when they have "all of the time in the world."  What they probably don't think about is STRESS.

Yes, that's right, S-T-R-E-S-S.


 
I have discovered that it is stressful to "have all of the time in the world."

I tell Hubby from time to time that "it's my day off" and he laughs saying "Every day is a day off for you (Hubby has not yet made the leap)."  But what he doesn't realize is that I see "Retirement" as my new job and I want to succeed at it. It takes work to retire successfully.  And as with all jobs, it has its stresses, and I need one day a week when I don't have to feel I need to have plans.

There is not much understanding out there in the world about retired people who are often perceived as being on a constant vacation.  I think we are also unfairly perceived as people who have bowed out of the mainstream.
 
And yet those of us who were successful in our jobs, go-getters, career-oriented, accomplished, whatever we thought about ourselves then, we don't stop striving and wanting to be successful and accomplished just because we have left our jobs.  Retirement is its own kind of career where we want to succeed and make a difference but it comes with its own stresses.


Here are some retirement stresses I am dealing with:
 
  • It's very stressful to try to get out of the house by noon.
I know.  Laugh if you want to but there are morning people and not morning people.  I fall into the not morning people category.  Sleeping in as long as I want in the morning is one thing I DON'T need to stress about.  So I try very hard to not schedule anything for myself before noon because when you figure that I sleep until at least 9am and then have to make the bed, read the paper, empty the dishwasher, clean up Hubby's breakfast mess (he gets up WAY before I do), watch "The View," get dressed, fix hair, make-up, all of which takes loads more time now that I am old - by then the morning is over. 

Even without all of that stuff, there is always some household or mental distraction that keeps me from getting out the door any earlier.  It would just be too, too stressful to be anywhere earlier than that.  However, I do have some volunteer obligations that require that I leave the house before 10 so you can imagine how stressful those days are.
 
  • It's stressful to see the pile of books I have accumulated that I thought I was going to read when I retired.

 
  • It's stressful to go to the gym and get weighed by my trainer after two grande lattes (I know what you are thinking. If I would get up earlier and get to the gym before I had those lattes, I would weigh less...not an option).
 
 
  • It's stressful when someone asks "What did you do all day" and my reply is "Uh..."

  • It's stressful to try to get everything I'm not doing done to make the 4pm deadline for Happy Hour with Hubby with a smile on my face


     
  • It's stressful to keep to my blog schedule when I don't have anything to write about.

  • It's stressful to have to schedule time to de-stress with meditation.


 
  • It's stressful to go mall walking and see something I want to buy that I don't need, buy it and then try to cram it into my closets that are already full of stuff I don't need.

  •  It's stressful to say no to someone when they want me to do something for them and they know I have "all of the time in the world" but I don't want to do it.
 
  • It's stressful to get to the end of the day and realize I am still wearing my nightgown.
 
  • It's stressful to lie in bed at night thinking about the day and not remembering anything meaningful that I did except maybe check Facebook and eat a protein bar.
 
  • It's stressful to know that I have a "to do" list that grows longer each day.

 
What I have realized is that I was less stressed when I was stressed.
 
When I was working, it was stressful, but I knew that I needed to get up each day at a certain time, be at work at a certain time, accomplish certain tasks, manage my library in an efficient way, help staff, solve problems and work with the public to try to make a difference in their lives as librarians do. Juggling a job and a family could be stressful but there was comfort in knowing what was expected of me.
 
Now there are no expectations but my own. I am my own boss and I have discovered I am a tough taskmaster. As I sink into retirement inertia, "my boss" is causing me stress and making me depressed saying things like "Get up off your butt.  You don't need to watch another episode of "Dr. Phil" or "Why are you wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday?" or "What meaningful thing did you accomplish today?"
 
So what to do?

Tell myself to get off my case.
 
I realize that like most things in life, retirement will have its own unique ups and downs and this is a temporary shift in my retirement life. When I first retired I was gung-ho and with lists in hand was going to solve the problems of the world, well, at least do some volunteering, take horseback riding lessons and learn to play golf. The volunteer work materialized but not those other two. 

Right now I am in a bit of a lazy period with a dash of "I don't know what the hell to do with my life." But I also realize there will be good days and bad days.  In fact, I talked about that a couple of years ago in "Retirement: Good Days and Bad Days." I should take my own advice. But maybe, like in real life, there will be good weeks and bad weeks or good years and bad years.

I'm just in a slump.

That's just life.

And I guess I have "all of the time in the world" to figure it all out.

But in the meantime, I'm headed to the mall for some exercise and a little retail therapy...because I can.

Like the glasses?



 


 
Thanks for Reading!
 
See you Friday
 
for my review of

"Mother's Day"
 
and

 
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

 and the latest on
 
"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before


 I Die Project."





 
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer