Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Rosy's Test Kitchen #5: Cooking Successes and Cooking Conundrums - "Eggs!"

Opinions are like....


 
COOKING EGGS!

Everyone has the best method.
(You thought I was going to say something else, didn't you?)

I think that eggs are probably the perfect food.  

They are low in calories, full of protein and it turns out that eggs were not the cause of our high cholesterol.  It was our overindulgence in everything else! They are also versatile because you can prepare them in many different ways and, yes, everyone has their own way of doing it.

As you know, I love to read and collect cookbooks, and I have noticed that many cookbooks tackle the issue of cooking eggs. I am amazed at how different many of the methods are.  And everyone is certain his or her method is the right one.

So I thought I would share with you how I have been cooking eggs these many years and then test a couple of alternative methods and report back and then throw in a couple of my favorite egg recipes as well. 

I want you to know that I took this assignment that I gave myself very seriously. This was a week-long investigation and I have eaten a LOT of eggs!

And I look forward to what your research has discovered:  your methods and tips when it comes to preparing eggs.

So let's get started.

I am going to compare my techniques with some techniques recommended by "Cooking Light," Joy the Baker, and from the book "How to Break an Egg" by the editors of "Fine Cooking."




First, Hard Boiled Eggs.

Here is my method: I place four eggs in a sauce pan in cold water and when the water starts to boil, I turn the heat off, put the lid on the pan, and let the eggs stand for 25 minutes. Then I drain the pot, rinse the eggs with cold water and add ice to the water.  The ice bath makes the eggs easier to peel later.  However, that's how I did it when I had an electric stove which means that when I turned off the burner, there was still some residual heat.  Now I am cooking with gas (yeah, baby!) and wasn't sure how that method would be affected but just tried it and it still works fine.


Here are some methods from the experts and note how confident they are with titles like "foolproof" and "perfect" - we shall see:


 
 

"Foolproof Hard-boiled Eggs"
(Cooking Light March 2017)

Use two quarts of water (not sure why it has to be two quarters - I just cover the eggs), add eggs and bring to a boil.  As soon as the water boils, turn off the heat, move the pan to a cold burner.  Let stand for 12 minutes.  Meanwhile, fill a bowl with water and ice and as soon as 12 minutes has elapsed, drain the eggs, and plunge the eggs into the ice bath. Let stand 5 minutes if using immediately, 10 minutes if saving for later.

 
 
"The Secret to Perfectly Boiled Eggs"
("Over Easy" by Joy the Baker)

Bring a saucepan of water to a full boil (she doesn't specify an amount).  Wait until the last minute to remove the eggs from the refrigerator and gently place them in the boiling water.  Reduce the heat to medium and boil 8 minutes for soft-boiled or 11 minutes for hard-boiled.  Remove the pan from the heat, drain and fill the pot with water and a handful of ice cubes.  Let the eggs rest for 5 minutes.

 
 
"Perfect Hard-Cooked Eggs"
("How to Break an Egg" by the Editors of "Fine Cooking")

Warm the eggs for 4-5 minutes in warm tap water.  This is supposedly to prevent cracking.  Add salt - 1 T. per two quarts of water (no cooking time was recommended so I boiled for 11 minutes as per Joy the Baker).  When finished drain pain and submerge in ice bath.

TIP:  For easy peeling, leave the eggs in the pan after cooking and draining. Put the lid on and shake vigorously.  Once the sound of smashing eggshells stops, remove the pan lid and lift the eggs out of the loose strips of broken shells.


What I learned: In all cases, at least one egg cracked during the cooking process whether there was salt or not, and all of the methods, except mine, of course, produced yolks that were too soft and whites that were slimy, so even though the "foolproof" method was very similar to mine, letting the eggs stand for just 12 minutes did not produce a firm, hard-boiled egg.

Oh, and shaking the eggs in the pan as an easy way to peel them?


You decide.



Verdict:  My method works best for me.  Produces firm whites and firm yolks every time.  And shaking the eggs in the pan?  Not recommended.  The ice water method works best for easy peeling.



Scrambled Eggs:

My method: Crack the eggs into a bowl, add a little water and salt and pepper, whisk the eggs and dump them into a pan of melted butter.  Whisk them around a bit until they are of a consistency I like (soft) and then remove from pan.


Cooking Light's (March 2017) versions:

 
 
"Diner-style Scrambled Eggs:"

  • 1 t. butter
  • 2 large eggs
  • 1/4 t. black pepper
  • 1/8 t. salt

Melt butter in 8-inch skillet over medium high heat until butter is bubbly.  Break eggs into a bowl and beat them with a fork until slightly frothy.  Stir in salt and pepper.  Add egg mixture to the pan and start pulling the eggs from the sides of the pan into the middle.  Big, fluffy curds will start to form.  Keep pulling the eggs for about 3 minutes.  As soon as the runny eggs are fully set remove from heat.


"Creamy Soft-Scrambled Eggs"
 
Same ingredients, skillet and egg beating as above except this time you will be using medium-LOW heat and when the butter melts and you add the eggs, you will quickly start stirring with a rubber spatula and keep stirring.  After a few minutes, steam will rise and the eggs will thicken and small curds will form.  If you start to get large curds lift the pan from the burner to cool it down, stirring all the while.  Cook stirring constantly until the eggs hold together like a soft-custard that can spread slightly like risotto.
 



Here is what Joy the Baker thinks is

 
"The Secret to Fluffy Scrambled Eggs"
 
Whisk 3 large eggs, 2 T. milk and 1/2 t. soy sauce (soy sauce?) in a small bowl.  She also uses clarified butter (1 T.) in a skillet set over medium-low heat.  Add eggs and let them sit in the hot pan for 10 seconds and then using a rubber spatula, push and flip the eggs around the pan stirring constantly for four-five minutes until the eggs are just cooked through.  Squeeze with fresh lime juice (lime juice?) just before the eggs are done.
 

Joy also likes to make "Folded Eggs" to use in a breakfast sandwich.

She uses a ratio of 6 eggs, 6 t. whole milk, 6 splashes of soy sauce (she really likes that old soy sauce in her eggs), 1/4 t. black pepper, 6 t. black pepper and 3/4 c. grated sharp cheddar cheese BUT she only cooks one egg at a time so this recipe makes 6 sandwiches so cut this recipe down as you see fit.
 
Basically you pour the egg mixture into a 6-inch skillet tilting the pan to create a very thin, almost crepe like layer. Add the cheese and using a very thin spatula fold the sides of the egg over the cheese creating a small square.
 
This is what it's supposed to look like:


Not as easy as it looks. 

Here is what mine looked like:




What I learned: Adding soy sauce to the eggs gives them a little smoky flavor but I didn't find that it substituted for salt and there wasn't enough of it to really make much of a difference.  The eggs still needed salt.  The "fluffy scramble" only took 2-2 and a half minutes to cook.  If you go 4-5 minutes, I think they will be too dry and I never really got the fluffy part. Also didn't think I would like the soft scramble but it was really good.  You can actually spread the eggs on the toast.  Oh, and I learned that I wasn't very good at folding eggs. 
 
Verdict: Soy sauce is an unnecessary distraction, didn't like the lime juice and except for the folded eggs, no matter the method, they all kind of came out the same depending on whether or not you like your scrambled eggs soft or dry. And milk or no milk?  Couldn't really tell the difference.  So you might as well just whisk your eggs, dump them in the pan and scramble them until they are the consistency you like.  You can't really mess up scrambled eggs - unless you try to fold them!


Fried Eggs:

My method: Whether sunny side up or over easy, I just crack the eggs on the edge of the pan and dump into the pan and let them sizzle until they look good (flipping the egg over at the last minute for over easy), season and then slide onto a plate.

But of course, the experts think otherwise:
 
 
 
"Frizzled Sunny-Side Up Eggs"
(Cooking Light March 2017)
 
You might want to use a splatter screen for these.
 
1 T. canola oil
2 large eggs
1/4 t. black pepper
1/8 t. salt
 
The pan needs to be really hot.  Break the eggs into the pan, sprinkle with salt and pepper and let them sizzle and pop.  Don't move the eggs at all for about 4 minutes or until the edges are crispy and beautifully browned and the whites are set.
 
 
 
"Pristine Sunny-Side Up Eggs"
(Cooking Light March 2017)
 
Same ingredients as above except this time you don't want the pan to be as hot.  You want the heat to be medium-low.  Crack the eggs into the pan and you do NOT want to hear crackling and hissing.  Cook 3 minutes.  After 3 minutes tilt the pan and let the oil pool on the edge and baste the egg whites (not the yolks) with the oil.  Sprinkle with the salt and pepper.
 
 
 
"The Secret to Great Fried Eggs"
("Over Easy" by Joy the Baker)
 
Basically her recipe is the same as the "Pristine" eggs above but she uses clarified butter.  I suppose there could be a debate on the merits of butter over oil - I prefer butter though I don't go to the trouble of clarifying it like she does.  However, she cracks her eggs into a fine-mesh strainer which supposedly keeps the watery part of the egg white out thus creating a nicer looking and more compact fried egg.  Nope.  Too much trouble.
 
Tip: For a delicate fried egg, once you have the eggs in the pan and seasoned, add 1 t. water to the pan and immediately cover with a lid.  As the eggs, cook, they will steam.  Cook until the egg whites are set and the yolks are to the desired doneness, about 3 minutes for over easy.
 
Tip: For a crisper egg, once you flip the eggs, use the spatula to press down on the edges of the egg as it cooks, which will create a crisp egg-white edge.  Cook to the desired doneness about 3 minutes for over easy.
 
If you want an over easy egg, just flip the egg after the three minutes.

What I learned:  I need to get used to my new gas stove.  I seem to burn everything!

 


That's not a piece of toast that egg is sitting on.  That's the white after sizzling and frizzling!

Verdict: Forget the sizzling, frizzling egg at four minutes, the clarified butter or putting your eggs through a strainer- three minutes on low heat seems to fry a perfect egg sunny side up. 




Poached Eggs:

My method: Boil the water in a shallow pan, crack the eggs into the water and boil on a medium heat for three to four minutes and then using a slotted spatula, remove the eggs and place on a piece of toast or some fancy schmancy dish I have made.


Cooking Light (March 2017) has a "Swirl" method and a "Shallow pan" method:
 
For the "swirl," bring a pot of water with a T. of vinegar in it to a gentle simmer.  Using a whisk, create a little whirlpool in the simmering water and slip in the egg.  Using a slotted spoon, swirl the water around the edge of the pan, gently shaping the egg white.  Cook about 3 minutes.
 
For the shallow pan method, pour about 2 inches of water into a shallow pan (add vinegar) and bring to a gentle boil.  Add the egg and cook for 3 to 3 and a half minutes and remove with a slotted spoon or spatula.
 
What I Learned: Despite the fact that I thought the swirl method would be too time-consuming it actually worked.  The egg came out looking much better than when I just let the egg white take its course.
 
Verdict:  When I feel like having a pretty poached egg, I will adopt the "swirl" method but otherwise, shallow pan, boil the water, crack the eggs and three to four minutes later, I have poached eggs.



Final Verdict:

When compared to the experts, when all is said and done, even though my egg making is very basic and I eschew most of the steps and tips that many cooks adopt such as cracking the eggs into a separate dish and sliding them gently into the pan or adding vinegar to the water, I think I do OK in the egg-making department.  Like life, I tend to just crack the egg on the pan and let things fall where they may and that has worked out fine so far.


Finally here are a couple of my favorite egg recipes:

 
 
"Egg and Tater Bake"
(Woman's Day Magazine)
 


  • 4 c. frozen tater tots
  • 2 T. olive oil
  • 1 medium onion, finely chopped
  • Kosher salt and pepper to taste
  • 1 red bell pepper, cut into 1/4-in. pieces
  • 8 oz. cremini or white mushrooms, halved
  • 1 clove garlic, finely chopped
  • 3 plum tomatoes, cut into 1 in. pieces
  • 1/2 bunch fresh spinach, roughly chopped
  • 8 large eggs
  • 2 oz. extra-sharp cheddar cheese, coarsely grated
  •  
Heat over to 400 degrees.

Arrange the tots on a rimmed baking sheet and bake for 20 minutes.
 
Meanwhile, heat the oil in a large ovenproof skillet over medium heat.  Add the onion, season with 1/2 t. salt and pepper, cover and cook, stirring occasionally, for 5 minutes.
 
Add the red pepper and mushrooms and cook, stirring occasionally, until the vegetables are just tender, 5-6 minutes.  Toss with the garlic and tomatoes and cook for 1 minute.  Fold in the spinach and tots.
 
Make 8 small wells in the vegetable mixture and carefully crack an egg into each.  Spring with the cheese and bake the eggs to desired tenderness, 15 to 18 minutes for slightly runny yolks.
 
What I Learned:  The yolks were not runny at 15 to 18 minutes so if you like them that way watch your oven.
 
Verdict:  Yum!
 

 
 
"Brunch Strata"
("Taste of Home" January 2013)




  • 1/3 c. canola oil
  • 1/2 lb. sliced fresh mushrooms
  • 3 small zucchini, chopped
  • 2 med. onions, chopped (about 1 1/2 c.)
  • 1 med. green pepper, chopped
  • 2 c. cubed cooked ham
  • 2 garlic cloves, minced
  • 2 pkg. 8 oz. cream cheese
  • 1/2 c. half and half
  • 12 eggs, lightly beaten
  • 4 c. day old cubed bread
  • 3 c. shredded cheddar cheese
  • 1 t. salt
  • 1/2 t. pepper

In a Dutch oven, heat oil over medium heat.  Add the veggies and ham; cook and stir until the veggies are tender. Add the garlic.  Cook 1 minute longer.  Drain and pat dry.

In a large bowl, beat cream cheese and half and half until smooth.  Gradually beat in eggs.  Stir in the remaining ingredients and vegetable mixture.

Transfer to two greased 11 x 7 in. baking dishes.  Bake uncovered at 350 degrees for 35-40 minutes or until knife inserted near the center comes out clean.  Let stand 10 minutes before serving.

What I Learned:  This recipe can easily be halved and it also makes a great vegetarian dish - just leave out the ham.

Verdict:  When entertaining guests, make this dish the night before and have it ready to just pop in the oven in the morning for an easy and fast but elegant breakfast dish.  Your guests will say, "DIVINE!!!"


Hope you enjoyed this latest installment of "Rosy's Test Kitchen."  I would love to hear your tips for the best way to prepare eggs and for you to share some of your favorite recipes.

Oh, and if you like my new apron, you can thank my daughter and her Hubby.  It was a well thought-out and lovely Christmas present.  And speaking of presents, anyone who gets the Housewives homage from the picture should get a special present (that doesn't mean you will, but you should)!

Until next time, you fill find me here this coming Friday for my usual reviews.




Thanks for reading!

 

See you this Friday 


 


for my review of 


 
"The Post"

and
  
The Week in Reviews

(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)


 

 and the latest on

 


"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before 


 
 I Die Project." 

 


 

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Friday, January 26, 2018

"I, Tonya" and The Week in Reviews

[I review the movie "I, Tonya" as well as DVDs "Marshall" and "Kingsman: The Golden Circle."  I also bring you up-to-date with "My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project" with "Stalker."  The Book of the Week is a novel: "The Lying Game" by Ruth Ware. and there is a bonus feature this week: "TV - What I'm Watching!"]





I, Tonya


A pseudo-documentary on the notorious attack on figure skater, Nancy Kerrigan, at the 1994 National Figure Skating Championships.

When she first heard this story of the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan at the 1994 National Figure Skating Championships, Margot Robbie, who plays figure skater, Tonya Harding in this film, thought it was a fairy tale.  She couldn't believe something like this could happen in real life, but it did.

As those of you who have been following this blog for awhile must know, I am a huge fan of figure skating.  I even wrote a blog post a few years ago that highlighted the parallels between figure skating and my life so of course I knew it happened.  I knew all about the Tonya Harding/Nancy Kerrigan "incident."

But in case you aren't a fan of figure skating or are too young to remember it, here's a recap.

Nancy Kerrigan and Tonya Harding were figure skating rivals and polar opposites.  Nancy Kerrigan represented the perfect little ice skating princess with her New England up-bringing and her Vera Wang skating costumes.  Tonya Harding came from a poor Oregon background, had to make her own costumes, swore like a truck driver, had a husband, and smoked.  Her coach said to her mother that Tonya looked like she chopped wood every morning to which her mother replied, "She does!"  But Tonya could also really skate.

Tonya Harding was the first woman to complete a triple axel in the short program; the first woman to successfully execute two triple axels in a single competition; and the first ever to complete a triple axel combination with the double toe loop.  She was also the 1991 National Champion, won a silver medal in the 1991 World Figure Skating Championship, won Skate America twice and was a two-time Olympian.

But the story doesn't end there. 

At the 1994 National Figure Skating Championships, a step closer on the road to becoming a member of the 1994 Olympic Figure Skating Team, someone (later identified as Shane Stant) attacked Nancy Kerrigan as she stepped off the ice after a practice session, hitting her in the knee with a baton.  It came to light that Tonya's husband, Jeff Gillooly and his side-kick, Shawn Eckhart, masterminded the hit in hopes of injuring Kerrigan badly enough that she would not be able to skate in the Nationals and thus get her out of competition for the Olympics leaving the road open to Tonya.  After the attack, Tonya went on to win Nationals, but Kerrigan was not seriously injured and, ironically, they both went to the Olympics where Kerrigan won a Silver Medal and Tonya finished eighth. 

When the conspiracy was discovered, Gillooly was offered a plea deal to implicate Tonya, which he accepted.  However, Tonya has always maintained her innocence but pleaded guilty to hindering prosecution, meaning once she knew what her husband and his cohorts did, she said nothing.  Now here's the rub.  The guys got 18 months and Tonya got probation BUT she was banned for life from the United States Figure Skating Association meaning that even though Tonya was not one of the attackers, she  actually got something worse than the prison sentence that the actual attackers received.  She could never compete as a skater again.

So the story at face value paints a picture of Tonya Harding as a villain picking on poor little Nancy Kerrigan, and today there are still people who feel that way about Tonya and refuse to see this movie.  But this film brings to light the true story of Tonya's life, something that was not widely known.

The film concentrates on Tonya's personal life, and according to this film, she grew up with her mother, LaVonna (Allison Janney), an abusive mother who beat her and never had a kind word to say to her.  Tonya fell in love at 15 with Jeff Gillooly (played by an oily Sebastian Stan), the first guy to tell her she was pretty so what do you do when you are insecure, wearing braces and a guy tells you that you are pretty?  Well, I guess you marry him...and she did.  And then she went from an abusive relationship with her mother to an abusive marriage. 

Because of her upbringing, Tonya grew up to be a tough cookie. She drank and smoked and drove a truck and because she didn't fit the mold of the pretty skating princess, her component scores (those are the artistic scores for a skater) supposedly suffered and she became more and more angry at her treatment.  But Tonya was already an award-winning skater, so we will never know why Gillooly thought he needed to cut down Tonya's competition or whether or not Tonya knew about it, and this film doesn't really attempt to answer that question.  You will have to decide for yourself. 

And lest you think this is a dark tragic story, you would be wrong. 

It's dark alright, and possibly a tragedy, but it plays as a dark comedy. 

Filmed like a pseudo-documentary or an episode of "Dateline," the characters break the fourth wall and talk directly to the camera, each telling their side of the story, and much of the film is "in their own words."  I recently watched an ABC special - "Truth and Lies: The Tonya Harding Story" - and recognized that much of what was said in the film came directly from interviews with Tonya and LaVonna. 

Margot Robbie is an unlikely Tonya, but believable, though I couldn't quite buy her as a 15-year-old, despite the braces.  Though Robbie is the star and in practically every scene, Allison Janney as Tonya's mother steals the show.  She makes Mommy Dearest look like Mother of the Year.  But both actors have deservedly been nominated for an Oscar for their wonderful performances.

Gilooly's friend, Eckhard, who fancied himself Tonya's bodyguard and was delusional about his role in international espionage and who stupidly screwed up the whole plot is wonderfully and hilariously played by Paul Walter Hauser and the rest of the ensemble are also all first rate.

This was a sordid little piece of figure skating history brilliantly adapted by Steven Rogers and directed by Craig Gillespie.  But it's also the story of class consciousness and a young girl with a brutal history who wanted to beat the odds and be somebody, but because she didn't fit the mold or have the tools to move forward, was beaten down.  If Tonya was involved in the attack on Nancy Kerrigan, then she deserved to go to jail. But if she wasn't, then this story is indeed a tragedy because she was given what could only be defined as a life sentence for a skater - she could never skate in competition again.

The way the film incorporated Robbie into actual footage of Tonya was also brilliant, though Robbie said she took skating lessons and did much of the skating herself, though I doubt she was pulling triple axels. 

However, there was one little thing that I noticed that grated:  In one of Tonya's competitions she skated to a ZZ Top song - with lyrics!  Now I know the filmmakers probably did that to show that Tonya was a rebel and a sort of wild child, to skate to a rock song instead of a classical piece as most of the skaters were doing.  But the filmmakers should have done their homework.  Skaters were not allowed to use music with lyrics until 2014!

But that was a small thing in an otherwise funny, sad and quite wonderful film!

Rosy the Reviewer says...an enlightening and original take on this little bit of history with stellar performances by Robbie and Janney, who are both deservedly nominated for Oscars. 




***Some Movies You Might Have Missed***
(And Some You Will Be Glad You Did)!

On DVD







Marshall (2017)


A biopic about Thurgood Marshall, who became the first African American Supreme Court Justice.

This film concentrates on Marshall's (Chadwick Boseman) early career starting in 1941 when he was only 32 and the head of the Legal Defense Fund for the NAACP and part of one particular trial.  He is approached by Sam Friedman (Josh Gad), a Jewish civil lawyer from Connecticut, to help him with a case where Eleanor Strubing (Kate Hudson), a rich white woman has accused Joseph Spell (Sterling K. Brown), her black chauffeur, of rape and attempted murder.  The pairing of these two lawyers, seemingly opposites, is an interesting one as they work together to defend their client, but it becomes clear that both men have faced their share of racism.

This is a classic "To Kill a Mockingbird" type courtroom drama except this is real. 

It also happened during Jim Crow when a black man accused of rape could be depicted in the newspaper as a gorilla.  So it was in that atmosphere that Marshall was involved in this case, but even though he had already argued a case in front of the Supreme Court, because he had not passed the bar in Connecticut, the white and probably racist judge (James Cromwell) would not give him a special dispensation to practice in Connecticut and told Marshall he could not speak, argue or examine witnesses during the trial.  That made it a bit difficult for Friedman, who was a civil lawyer with his life and practice on the line for taking this controversial case.  He had to conduct the trial with Marshall in the background, providing support and information behind the scenes and from the sidelines.

But the film is not just a courtroom drama.  It's also a mystery.  Did Joseph rape and try to kill Eleanor?  And if not, why did she accuse him?

Chadwick Boseman is wonderful as Marshall and is a versatile actor when you consider that his next movie is the superhero film "Black Panther!" And Gad, who often plays portly comic characters, pulls his dramatic weight against Boseman and creates a sympathetic character in Friedman who has his own battles to wage.

I am a big fan of the TV show "This is Us," which stars Sterling K. Brown, who plays Joseph Spell in this film, and I have to admit I have not been a big fan of his because of his character, Randall, on that show.  Despite all of the awards Brown has received for playing that character, I find Randall to be annoying in his intensity.  I was never sure if Brown was playing Randall or Randall was playing Brown. So here I kept waiting to see little signs of Randall in Brown's performance, and I have to say I didn't detect any, so kudos to Brown.  He really is a good actor.  I like him now.

Written by father-son writers Jacob and Michael Koskoff and directed by Reginald Hudlin, the film has been sited as an accurate depiction of Marshall and this trial and is an inspiring reminder of what Black Americans have had to endure to not just succeed but to exist.  When Marshall comes out of the courtroom after hearing he and Friedman had won their case (and you knew they would so I'm not spoiling anything here - this film is not about the outcome but about the journey), he is confronted with a "Whites Only" drinking fountain.  He drinks anyway.  Hello Supreme Court Justice Marshall.

Marshall went on to win many civil rights cases in front of the Supreme Court, most famously Brown v. the Board of Education.  Keep watching the credits to hear the real Marshall speak.

"You know, there are so many people, indeed my own sons at times, look at me with an expression on their face that they don’t believe what happened in the past.”

Rosy the Reviewer says...this is a movie that needs to be seen to remind us of what has happened in the past so we won't repeat it.  We have come a long way, but not far enough.






Kingsman: The Golden Circle (2017)


Another one of those spy films where an evil organization holds the world hostage.

Spy movies and I don't usually get along. 

Even as far back as the James Bond films, whenever I watched a spy movie, I never seemed to know what was going on.  Now, I am an educated woman who has managed to get through life without screwing up too much, but for some reason, I don't seem to be smart enough when watching these spy films to figure out who the bad guys are, who the good guys are and what the hell is going on.  For some reason, the screenwriters of these things feel the need to  write convoluted plots that take every twist and turn possible - agents, double agents, double-crossing, triple-crossing, all of whom are looking for something - until it all makes no sense, I have no idea what they are looking for (though often it's a list) or why.  And then there's that whole question of why the bad guy doesn't kill the good guy when he has a chance - this happened all of the time in the Bond movies.  Bond is trussed up like a turkey and the bad guy only has to shoot him to get rid of him once and for all, but no...he wants to torture Bond, so he leaves him in the room with a ticking time bomb and, of course, Bond figures out a way to save himself.

But hey, I am here to report that I actually could follow what was going on here and the film is campy and fun!

This is round 2 of the Kingsman franchise based on the comic book "The Secret Service," and knowing how these things work, I would imagine there will be more.  Colin Firth starred in the first one and played a bigger role than he does in this sequel, especially since we thought he was dead (he got shot in the first film), but though Firth is in this one too, Taron Egerton, who we met in the first film, is the star as Eggsy, a street kid by day and dapper Kingsman by...well, day and night when needed.  When he dons his Kingsman duds, he could be a young Colin Firth, and I suppose that's the whole point.

The Kingsman Headquarters is under attack by evil drug kingpin, Poppy Adams (Julianne Moore), who dresses like a 1950's housewife and oversees a 50's style amusement park called Poppyland in Cambodia.  Why Cambodia?  We will never know. Despite her sweet façade, she is prone to putting her enemies in meat mincers head first.  Not pretty.  Poppy also oversees the Golden Circle, a drug cartel, and she wants to force the world to legalize drugs.  If they don't, she is going to poison all drugs with a virus that will cause the victims to first go through a manic stage, then become frozen and then they die.  However, if the world succumbs to her demands, she will pass out the antidote and save the world.  But Poppy also wants fame.  It's not enough to take over the world.  She wants the world to know that SHE, Poppy, is the one taking over the world.

Poppy's slogan is "Save lives/Legalize!"

Because this is a worldwide issue and the Kingsman Headquarters has been blown to smithereens, Eggsy and his sidekick, Merlin (Mark Strong), are forced to team up with some Americans in Kentucky - the Statesman, a group of agents that includes Jeff Bridges as Champagne (AKA Champ), Channing Tatum as Tequila and Pedro Pascal as Whiskey. As you can probably tell from their names, just as the front for the Kingsman organization is the bespoke tailoring, the front for the Stateman is Kentucky Bourbon and they certainly don't want drugs to be legal since they sell alcohol!

See?  I figured this thing out. 

The film has the usual spy movie fights, car chases and spectacular disaster sequences, most notably a tram careening wildly down a mountain toward an old people's home that ends with one of the funniest lines in the film - I actually laughed.

As I said, Mr. Darcy, er, I mean, Colin was more in evidence in the first film.  He doesn't show up until the last hour in this one, and when he does he is wearing sweats.  Colin Firth wearing sweats is not quite the same as Colin Firth in full gentleman drag but I was glad to see him.  Edgerton is a sweet-faced young man who could pass as a young Colin Firth, and he is joined by Halle Berry as Ginger Ale (in case you haven't noticed, everyone has catchy James Bond kinds of names), but she doesn't do much except look dowdy. Julianne Moore overacts like mad - well, actually everyone overacts like mad - making this film one big campy romp.  I mean, Elton John is even in this.  He has been captured by Poppy and must dress like the old Elton, wear the flashy costumes and sing his old songs on demand but he gets a big moment at the end.

Directed by Mathew Vaughn with a screenplay by Vaughn and Jane Goldman, this is a comic spy film that is also a sort of satire on the pharmaceutical industry and the war on drugs with a bad American President who gets impeached.  Mmmm.  There is some fun to be had but at two hours and 21 minutes, it's too long.

Rosy the Reviewer says...silly and dumb but kind of fun.  It grew on me.




***My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project***




158 to go.

Have YOU seen this classic film?





Stalker (1979)



It's post-apocalypse and aliens supposedly reside in an area known as The Zone, but if you can make your way into The Zone, there is supposedly a room where wishes can be granted.

I know, it sounds weird and it is, but this film is a kind of weird gem.  And it's also Russian which explains a lot.  The Russians make some weird films.

It's the future and life is bleak.  The Zone is an area where it is rumored that some aliens have landed and taken control.  The laws of physics and geography have been suspended and power and transcendence are rumored to exist inside The Zone, a place where wishes can come true, so a cynical writer (Anatoliy Solonitsyn) and a renegade scientist (Nikolay Grinko) hire Stalker (Aleksandr Kaydanovskiy, who looks like a Russian Woody Harrelson) to take them there.  The Zone is patrolled by police to keep the unwary out and only stalkers can navigate the treacherous but magical space known as The Zone.

The scientist wants to go to The Zone to see reason triumph over faith and the writer seeks inspiration that the grim world of the future no longer provides.  The stalker also has his reasons.  Something bad has happened to his daughter and he wants to make that right.  Those three things - science, faith and feeling come together to produce an ending considered one of the most enigmatic in film history.

"The Zone is a series of traps and they are all deadly."

And so is life. The Zone is also a metaphor for life and a treatise on the human spirit and the will to live.

Directed by Andrei Tarkovsky ("Solaris"), and adapted from a science fiction novel - "The Roadside Picnic" by Arkadi and Boris Strugatsky - this is one of those movies that is all about the visuals, all sepia and shadows, a chiaroscuro.  The world is in black and white and The Zone is in color, kind of like Oz, and we certainly aren't in Kansas anymore or any other place you would recognize.  The film is a kind of horror film but without the usual components of horror. It's more of a moody horror film with lots of philosophizing about the meaning of life.

Why it's a Must See: "The Zone is one of cinema's great magical places: damp green and sylvan above-ground giving way to watery, muddy, uninhabited recent ruins as the party nears the perhaps-mythical Room."
---"1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die"

Be forewarned.  It's REALLY long.  It's so long it comes in two DVDs, and I usually don't like that, but this film is mesmerizing.  Strange, yes, but mesmerizing.  If you can make it through the set-up, the first hour, you will be rewarded.

Rosy the Reviewer says...very eerie and compelling.  It creates a mood that envelops you - you get into The Zone.




***Book of the Week***

 

 
The Lying Game by Ruth Ware (2017)



Four young girls at an English boarding school create "The Lying Game," where they tell elaborate lies to their teachers and fellow students as a lark, not realizing that one day they will need to perpetuate a really big lie.
 
Isa, Kate, Thea and Fatima all meet in their teens at boarding school in the picturesque village of Saltern.  They form a clique and have fun with a game they call "The Lying Game," where they tell lies large and small.  Kate kept the score with a tally sheet she kept above her bed: points for a new "victim;" points for getting someone to completely believe; plus extra points for elaborate details or for being able to reel someone back in after almost calling their bluff. 
 
"The Lying Game," like "The Fight Club," had its rules:
 
  1. Tell a lie
  2. Stick to your story
  3. Don't get caught
  4. Never lie to each other
  5. Know when to stop lying
However, now the girls are grown women with lives of their own.  Isa is married with a baby, Fatima is now a practicing Muslim and a doctor and Kate is an artist and has stayed behind in Saltern at the family home where she had lived with her artist father, Ambrose.  Thea was always the wild beautiful one and is still wild and beautiful.  The four haven't seen each other in years.

But when Kate sends them all a mysterious text:  "I need you," they all make their way back to Saltern to face the really big lie that they have all kept for over 15 years.
 
Ware is the author of "The Woman in Cabin 10," a novel I reviewed back in 2016, and like that first book, she has a way with dialogue.  And because of that, as you read you can imagine a movie.  But this is one of those novels with a mystery where the mystery is leaked slowly in bits and pieces and that became irritating after awhile. I kept thinking, "Get to the story!"  She did a similar thing in "The Woman in Cabin 10," but it worked better there. Though I was initially pulled in and liked the characters, I found myself scanning the pages to get to the end rather than really immersing myself in the story.

Rosy the Reviewer says...didn't like this one as much as "The Woman in Cabin 10," but if you like novels that read like movies, this one has its moments.


 
***TV - What I'm Watching!***

Yes, because I am a reality TV junkie, I am watching my usual favorites "The Amazing Race, "Project Runway All-Stars," "The Bachelor," "America's Next Top Model," "Catfish, "Married at First Sight" and "Ru-Paul's All Star Drag Race," but I also want you to know that I have other interests so I thought I would share with you some TV shows I am currently watching that you might like and might not know about.



Victoria on Masterpiece - Season 2


Miss "The Crown?"  I know I do but until the next season, this one fills the niche, though on a more melodramatic level.

On PBS.

(You don't need to see Season 1 to enjoy this but I recommend that you do - catch it On Demand or your favorite catch-up source or check out the DVD from your local library).





Grace and Frankie - Series 4


I mean, c'mon, women of a certain age starting a vibrator business?  That's FUNNY!

And you ladies will also find inspiration watching now 80-year-old Jane Fonda and still very funny Lily Tomlin do their thing.

This one and earlier seasons available on Netflix.

 




American Crime Story: The Assassination of Gianni Versace



From Ryan Murphy and the folks who brought us the amazing "American Crime Story: The People vs. O.J. Simpson" comes this new crime story, the murder of fashion designer Gianni Versace.  It was filmed in Versace's actual home, which is enough reason to watch but this is another brilliant mini-series. Just like the O.J. story, this 10-part story will pull you in and expect it to capture many awards.  It's riveting.

On FX.



The Great British Baking Show


Who knew watching regular people like you and me bake could be so relaxing and yet so riveting at the same time. It's like a baking meditation but you get involved with the bakers and root for them too.  It's all very British and lovely and not a cross word is spoken.

I just finished bingeing Season 2 on Netflix.  There are four seasons there and this is also showing on some PBS stations.

Sadly, stars Mary Berry and Paul Hollywood have parted ways and Paul has a new show which is ostensibly the same as this but on a different UK station. Not sure if Mary will get her own show or not.

On Netflix and PBS.



Stripped




I know, I wouldn't be me if I didn't include at least one low-brow reality show and this one fits the bill perfectly.  I couldn't help it.

People give up everything they own and I mean everything.  Even their clothes.  And all of their belongings are kept in a locker a half mile away.  Each day they can go to the locker and choose one item.

It's fun to see what their priorities are and yes, people, they learn from the experience!

What would your priorities be if you were stripped of everything?

On Bravo

And on that note...


Thanks for reading!

 
See you TUESDAY

 
with a special edition of

 
"Rosy's Test Kitchen"

 
where I will be testing various methods for cooking eggs and sharing some yummy recipes!

 
See you then!


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Check your local library for DVDs and books mentioned.
Next time you are wondering whether or not to watch a particular film, check out my reviews on IMDB (The International Movie Database). 

Go to IMDB.com, find the movie you are interested in.  Scroll down below the synopsis and the listings for the director, writer and main stars to where it says "Reviews" and click on "Critics" - If I have reviewed that film, you will find Rosy the Reviewer alphabetically on the list.