Showing posts with label retirees. Show all posts
Showing posts with label retirees. Show all posts

Tuesday, September 20, 2016

The Ten Commandments of Retirement

I know my blog seems like self promotion much of the time, because I am always showing pictures from my childhood, pictures of myself in "get ups (as my mother used to say)" and talking about my life.

 
 


But I always hoped that people realized I was making fun of myself as much as I was making fun of what I was talking about (well, I made fun of Hubby, too, but he's used to it), and that, though much of what I wrote about was tongue-in-cheek, I was also trying to inspire women like myself, impart information about what it's like to be a "woman of a certain age" and to just have some fun with where I was in my life. I was also hoping that Oprah would discover this blog and pull me out of obscurity. Unfortunately, that never happened, but, believe it or not, there were actually people out there who said they enjoyed my pictures and what I had to say.

Before I get into today's topic, I want to say that I have been wrestling with whether or not I should keep pushing myself to publish a Tuesday post. 

If you are a regular reader, you know I publish my movie and book reviews every Friday, but I reserve Tuesday for my "rants," as I call them, but which are really my take on what's going on in my world as a "woman of a certain age" and the world around me. I reminisce, bitch and try to inspire, while also trying to be humorous, but I am thinking that perhaps I don't have that much to say every single week.  If you asked Hubby he would most certainly say I have much to say EVERY DAY, but I want to write things that are at least fresh and funny, if not important. 

In my Tuesday blog post, I have tried to inspire women of a certain age to not give up because they have accumulated a few pounds and a few wrinkles and to let them know they are not alone in their retirement and aging struggles.  I also hoped to help the younger generation understand such people - we retired women of a certain age - and also to be funny, to inform, to get a conversation going, to make you think...but I have also stressed myself out about meeting my self-imposed deadlines.  Even when I went on vacation, I would work extra hours beforehand to have some posts ready to make sure I would publish on my regular schedule so I wouldn't disappoint my regular readers, even if I was in Victoria, B.C. or Timbuktu (I actually have never been to Timbuktu but it made me sound cool, right?). 

In the last three years since I have retired I have published 342 posts - two per week without fail - and there have been over 100,000 page views, though I would sure like to say 1,000,000 page views. 

I started writing this blog a little over three years ago, right before I retired, as an antidote to my fears and anxieties about retirementOne week in, I was losing my mind a little bit and even started wondering whether dogs ever retired or what it would be like to be a retired Real Housewife.  But once I started feeling comfortable, I started sharing what I had learned about myself in retirement in the hope that it would help others who were struggling. About one year in, I finally got it - The joy of retirement - and just recently, I found the ultimate "key" to a happy retirement.  

Likewise, since I was a librarian for over 40 years, I enjoyed talking about libraries and librarians and trying to smash the myths around them with "Why I Love My Library," "Why We Need Librarians," "Interview with a Librarian" and "Things Librarians Hate." Then my blog sort of morphed into my thoughts on aging and what was going on around me and a way to review my life, past and present with an emphasis on TV, my love of pop culture, my trips and activities and my pet peeves, which I called my "rants."

But now I am no longer struggling with retirement (I LOVE it!). I  think I have come a long way and I have certainly documented all of that in my blog over the last three years, so I think I have probably said everything I need to say about what I have learned.  Likewise, about libraries and librarians.  And getting older?  I think I've beaten that horse too. I also think I have exhausted my views on TV, Kim Kardashian and other pop culture topics and ranted my little head off about most of the things that bug me. I even shared my colonoscopy and my menopause, so if I would go there, you can tell I was already stretching my search for topics a couple of years ago! Though, I will say, if you are going to have a colonoscopy, you might want to read that one!   It's funny, if I do say so myself.

I have also tackled a wide variety of other topics:


And those are just a small percentage of the posts I have written over the last three years (and if you are interested in others, there is an archive on the right side of this blog that goes back to the very beginning).

But you can see I have a wide range of interests that I wanted to share, and I shared every Tuesday no matter what.

However, that dedication is starting to take its toll, especially since all of that extra work hasn't resulted in Oprah discovering me which is disappointing.  Even my adult children rarely comment or share my posts. I also find myself writing blog posts in my mind lying in bed at night and when I wake up in the morning.  It has become a lot of pressure and I'm retired.  I'm not supposed to be under pressure anymore!  So I am thinking it is time to re-evaluate. 

So that I don't show signs of dementia and start repeating myself, I think it's probably time to take a breather on Tuesdays and concentrate on my Friday movie and book reviews with the occasional restaurant and concert/theatre review thrown in. 

Now, those of you who are my fans, and I so thank you for your support, that doesn't mean I am done with my editorializing. 

It just means that I might not publish one of my rants every single Tuesday, but when I feel inspired I still will.  Because you see, I really feel that one of my purposes in life is to communicate.  I need to do it and feel that sometimes at least I do it well.  So it's not the end of me, just a regrouping.  So please don't forget about me.  And as the classic C & W song says, "How Can I Miss You if You Won't Go Away?" 

So I am going to go away for awhile and hopefully you will miss me.

(And if you are unfamiliar with the song, here it is.  I always aim to be helpful).







As I said, I will definitely continue to write my movie and book reviews and try to see all 1001 movies I am supposed to see before I die and report back. 

I always wanted to be a movie critic and I don't think there are many of those who speak from, shall we say, a mature point of view - and with a sense of humor - so that fulfills one desire, but the other one is...I don't really have anyone to talk movies with. 

Remember when we were young and would go to the movies to see the latest Antonioni or Bunuel and when it was over go to a bar and emphatically talk about the film?  I don't have that.  Hubby and I watch movies together, but he's a guy and once he says, "That was good," it's over.  So in writing my reviews I was hoping to get responses, and though some of you do respond when I post my blog on FB, I haven't really gotten any community together or a conversation going via my blog. Maybe blogging has become passe and everyone has moved on to vlogging or some other bit of social media. But I am still hoping and you can still find me on IMDB and on my site on Fridays.

Anyway, thank you everyone for your support and I hope you will still look for Rosy the Reviewer on my site on Tuesdays as well as Fridays, even though there might not be a new post every Tuesday anymore.  But I will still be posting my rants, just not every week. But on Friday, you can still expect to see my trenchant, pithy and sometimes humorous movie and book reviews in Rosy the Reviewer's inimitable style!

Now as a sort of farewell and so you won't miss me too much (but remember, this isn't really goodbye) on to a Tuesday rant.

I have been retired now for over three years and though the first year and a half was a bit rocky, I think I have come out of the early retirement shadows and seen the light.

If you compare some of my early posts to recent posts, you can easily see that.  But now I think putting all of that together, I can condense them all down into ten easy "commandments" that I hope will be helpful to the struggling newly retired and those who are uneasily contemplating it.


The Ten Commandments of Retirement

 

1. Thou shalt no longer have a boss or, if thy can manage it, a landlord, and thou shalt be happy about that.

We are grown-ups.  Who wants someone telling us what we can and cannot do, right? You now no longer have to do anything you don't want to do. So if you are mourning the loss of your job, think about it like that.  And if you are mourning the loss of your job so much that you are thinking about getting another job, don't!  Give it time.  You will come to enjoy your own company.


2. Thou shalt not get up until at least 9:30 (or thou wilt give the rest of us retirees a bad name).


3. Thou shalt not feel guilty about what thee watches on TV or what thee read-ith or what thee enjoy-ith.

There are snobs and haters out there who are meant to bringeth you down but they are probably not retired and pissed off about it. Thou have earned thy guilty pleasures so don't feel guilty.

 
4. Thou shalt not worry about meaning in thy life now that you are retired, because thy existence is meaning enough. No matter how oldeth you geteth you will always be YOU, that same person you have always been and think you are when you aren't looking in the mirror.

 
 
5. Thou shalt enjoy thyself and not feel guilty about doing whatever the hell you want. 

Do what you love.  It's never too late to be a rock star!




6. Thou shalt have wine or champs for lunch if thy wish it.

Why not?  It's not like you have to go back to work or anything, right?



 
 
8. Thou shalt always have a sense of humor about thyself!


 

 


8. Thou shalt not look old or act old.

Thou shalt stay connected, get out in the world, look trendy, wear make-up and get up front at rock concerts!


And if your find yourself reaching for the Ben Gay, counting out every penny from your coin purse at the grocery store and holding up the line or, worse, going to the store in your pajamas, read "How Not to Look Old" and "How Not to Act Old" for inspiration.



9. Thou shalt loveth thy grandchildren with all thy might.


Even if they live far, far away. 
(I tackled that issue in "Parenting and Grandparenting from a Distance.")
 

10. Thou shalt never give up or go "gentle into that good night," though you might take a break from time to time.

And that's what I am going to do.



But I will still publish my reviews on Fridays and for my "rants," please check in from time to time on a Tuesday or come see me at my Rosy the Reviewer Facebook page at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer/



Thanks for Reading!
 
See you Friday
 

for my review of


"Sully"
 
and 
  
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

   
and the latest on



"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  
 I Die Project."
 

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Fashion Essentials for a Woman of a Certain Age

I don't know why I do this to myself but despite the fact that the models could be my granddaughters, and I can't afford the clothes and accessories they wear, I can't resist fashion magazines.  I may not have much in common with Gigi Haddid and Kendall Jenner but show me a "Harper's Bazaar" or a "Vogue," and I can't help myself.



But that doesn't mean I am immune to it all.  Reading these magazines brings up all kinds of angst and bile and regret about growing old, not to mention I can't wear or afford most of the featured items.  So at least once a year, I am inspired to rant about fashion magazines and rail against what they say we should be wearing and doing.

So speaking of "Harper's Bazaar," they have a column called "The A-List," where someone famous "shares her essentials."  It's kind of like Nina Garcia's "What Nina Loves" that I ranted about last year ("What Rosy the Reviewer Loves and a Rant About Fashion Magazines.").  Now Nina is a woman of a certain age like myself and she can be forgiven for hawking outrageous items such as Tom Ford soap for $35 a bar and beaded Balenciaga sandals for $1375, because that's her job as a fashion editor, but when a twenty-year-old like Kendall Jenner is telling me what fashion essentials are, I have to draw the line.  I am a woman of a certain age and have pretty much given up on buying designer clothes and pricey soap, but, Kendall Jenner is a fashion icon who has millions of followers on social media and I would guess they aren't women my age.  They are young women who also can't afford some of the stuff she is saying is "essential" either.

Let's see... (and I am quoting here):

"When it comes to tops, I like something simple and easy to re-wear." Chanel sweater, $2050.

If I had a Chanel sweater that cost over $2000 it wouldn't just be easy to re-wear, I would be wearing it every day because it would be the only thing I owned!

"I wash my face a lot, wear sunscreen, drink tons of water and use Estee Lauder Products." - Rouge, $82. 

Uh, $82 for rouge? I just squeeze my cheeks like Scarlett O'Hara used to do and save myself the $82.



"I wear a watch every once in a while, usually a vintage Rolex that I really like." 

I would think she would like it.  It costs $11,000.  I would really like it too.  You notice she says she wears it every once in a while.  For 20-year-olds, a watch is not for telling time.  They have their IPhones for that.  A Rolex would be a fashion accessory that just happens to have a little thingy on it that tells the time.

"I'm a big shoe girl.  Shoes of all types, really, especially if they're comfortable."  Balmain, $1540!

For $1540 I sure hope they are comfortable, because you would have to wear thing constantly to get your money's worth!

"For jewelry, I really love chokers and sentimental necklaces.  And Chanel is always a go-to."  Chanel bracelet, $2200

OK, I can't take any more.  Speaking of chokers, I want to choke her!  Twenty years old and throwing around words like Chanel, Balmain and Rolex.  I can barely afford a sweater at Old Navy.

And I would imagine Kendall's 20-year-old followers can't afford Chanel, Balmain and Rolex either.

So why do we women, especially women of a certain age, read these magazines that show impossibly thin, impossibly young women talking about their essential fashion items that are impossibly expensive for most of us?

Well, I don't know about you, but I do it for the same reason I go to the movies.  For a short time, I can hang out in a different world.  I can imagine myself in Prada and Chanel, wearing a Rolex watch and sipping Veuve Clicquot with the beautiful people.

But more practically speaking, I also like clothes and like to keep up with the trends. I may be old, but I am not out of it.  I liked clothes when I was twenty, and I like clothes now. Certainly I can't afford the high end stuff, but if I know what's on trend, then I can usually put together something that shows I know what's going on. 

We women of a certain age tend to become invisible.  I am not having it.  I will not go quietly into old age and give up my big earrings and my leopard leggings.

And right there, that's the #1 fashion essential for a woman of a certain age.

Your Fashion Essential is YOU!

Don't give up on yourself.  Get on out there and stay there!

We may not be a 20-something Kendall Jenner who can afford to buy whatever she wants and has the best hair and make-up people at her beck and call, but we can still be presentable and look like we belong in the 21st century.

Yes, some days I don't get out of the bathrobe until noon, but at least I do get dressed and when I do, I try to look like I give a damn.

So to look like you give a damn, here are what I consider fashion essentials for women of a certain age who still care what they look like, but who don't have a lot of money to spend on themselves:

 

1. Shapewear.
If you are self-conscious about parts of your body - and who of us of a certain  age aren't? - and that self-consciousness restricts what you think you can wear, buy some shapewear, which is just a trendy name for what we used to call girdles or corsets. It doesn't have to be Spanx, which I find impossibly expensive considering all of the places on my body I need to shape.  You can get good quality shapewear at Penney's or discount places like Ross or Marshall's. Mostly I like to wear it to hold up my pantyhose when I am wearing a dress and boots or in summer to keep my thighs from slapping together when I am wearing a sundress. TMI?



 
 


2. A fashionable hat
Then you don't need to fix your hair.  However, be aware that once you have the hat on you will likely have to keep wearing it because otherwise when you take the hat off you will have hat hair.  So buy a hat your really like in case you can't take it off.

 

3. Active wear
This is just a trendy name for work-out clothes.  At least if you have some cute workout clothes, you might go to the gym...or to the mall.  I include mall walking as a work-out.

 



 

4. Make-up
When we ladies get old, I think the first thing that seems to go by the wayside is wearing make-up.  I am willing to accept that I have gotten old but I am not willing to accept how I look without mascara.  Given that, I am willing to take the five minutes it takes to slap on some make-up so I can fight the battle that is getting old.

 



5. Big Sunglasses
For when you don't want to wear make-up.

 


 

6. Trousers that make you feel good and look good
You notice I don't use the word pants.  That's for my British friends - in the UK "pants" are usually underpants so I am not talking about that here.  Trousers can be jeans or they can be a tailored trouser but they should be your go-to's, the ones you reach for when you want to look fabulous.





 


7. A fabulous coat or jacket
I am addicted to coats and jackets and they are essential to looking good when you are outside when the weather is colder.  They keep you nice and warm, and they can cover a multitude of sins. 

 

8. Black and/or white
Wearing all black or all white is a great look and also makes accessorizing easy.  Or mix the two. Always striking.



9.  A great uniform
Have a great stay-at-home outfit you can pull on without thinking and hang around the house in, but that doesn't make you look like you weren't thinking when you got dressed. You never know...the man (or woman) of your dreams might knock on the door and you don't want to be standing there in sweatpants and a t-shirt that says "My Cat Thinks I'm Cool."  Well, do you?  Even the cable guy shouldn't have to see you like that.


So here's a tip for that: I have just discovered a trick that works really well for looking good every day.  I have a ton of clothes that I have accumulated over the years.  I can basically shop my own closets.  I am not proud of my "collecting," OK, hoarding (I talked about it in May on my post "Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder"), but let's just say I am aware of the problem and am working on it.

But anyway, having so many clothes has its own problems in that sometimes I am overwhelmed with what to wear. When I am riding my stationary bike with the closet door open, I sometimes see items I haven't seen in years and think to myself, "Wow, that's cute. When did I get that?"  Sad.


So I now have this little pile of trousers/leggings and tops that I keep at the forefront of my closet and can just reach for. They consist of a few cute on trend outfits I can put on without thinking.  And I can wear the same thing a couple of days in a row if I am seeing different people.  Who will know but you?


10. Finally, as I said earlier, the best fashion essential is staying in the game.  You don't have to spend a lot to look good but spending a little time to look good will make you feel like a million bucks!

That is the most essential fashion essential: Feeling good about yourself no matter what your size, the size of your wardrobe or the wrinkles on your face.  Don't be invisible! It's your life so live it!



So I will end by sharing with you the fashion trends for fall to give you a little inspiration and to save you having to scout the fashion magazines and hang out with Kendall Jenner and start feeling bad again.

  • Leopard trousers (or trousers in a graphic print)
  • Military coat
  • Modern loafer
  • Puffer jacket
  • Long trench
  • Graphic bag
  • Cross body bag
  • Luxe fabric as in brocade
  • Velvet boots

Clothes hoarding has its perks. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check... oops.  Yes, I have all of the items on the list including the leopard trousers...but no velvet boots.

I think I need to go for a mall walk!


 
Thanks for Reading!
 
See you Friday
 

for my review of



"War Dogs"
 
and 
  
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

  
and the latest on


"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  
 I Die Project."
 

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer

  




Tuesday, July 26, 2016

The Key to a Happy Retirement: Yes, I Have Found the Key!



Yes, that's right.  I have found the key to a happy retirement, and I am going to share it with you.






You know how all of the books on retirement warn you that the most difficult thing about retirement won't be a financial one, but an emotional and mental one?  Where once your job was your identity and gave you a sense of purpose, in retirement it is now important to find another sense of purpose so you won't go out on the golf course and drop dead because you have no sense of self worth anymore?  All those years that you worked, you had a purpose.  Your job defined you to a certain extent so if you wanted to make the transition to a happy retirement, you needed to find purpose.

When I retired, that really scared me.

When I first retired, I felt guilty leaving a job I could have kept doing, but I was 65 and I wanted to leave on a high point.  As Barbara Walters said when she retired from "The View," she wanted to leave when people would say, "Why are you leaving?" rather than wait for them to say, "Why don't you leave?"  That's how I felt too.  I had done what I meant to do, felt good about my career and the people who had crossed my path over the years, but it was time to go.  But I worried about this purpose thing I had heard about.  I had worked since I was 14 and when I married and had children, I worked and then came home to be with my family.  I didn't really have hobbies other than happy hour and going out to eat once in awhile.

So what was I going to do with all of that free time I was going to have when I retired?  How was I going to find purpose in my life?

So like the good little librarian that I was, I started to do some research.


Here are some books I read:


"The Joy of Not Working: A Book for the Retired, the Unemployed and the Overworked" by Ernie Zelinski (2003)



He recommended creating a "Get-a-Life Tree," a sort of chart where you list all of the things that you ever wanted to do.  "Get-a-Life" Tree right away signaled that maybe I didn't have a life, which was kind of depressing.  Anyway, I think he was trying to get me to realize I had more interests than I thought, but by the time I listed winning an Oscar and losing 50 pounds, it depressed me even more because it all seemed like so much work. Wasn't I retiring so I didn't have to work anymore?




"How to Enjoy Your Retirement: Activities from A-Z" by Tricia Wagner and Barbara Day (2006)


I know they were trying to be helpful, but their list of activities I might enjoy, such as learning to use an abacus or getting a face lift didn't seem like that would give me a sense of purpose.





"Retire with a Mission: Planning and Purpose for the Second Half of Life" by Richard G. Wendel (2008)


I was really hopeful with this book, because the people on the cover looked so happy and young!  But when the author said, "A negative countenance and chronic complaining have always been and will always be the pathway to isolation," I could see that I was going to have to become a completely different person to find purpose and enjoy my retirement, and I didn't see how that was going to happen.  Not this late in the game, anyway.




"How to Retire without Retreating: Getting Your Ducks in a Row for a Meaningful Retirement" by Johnnie Godwin (2004)



"As your formal career winds down, be sure to plan for the ten, twenty, or more years of retirement that await you."  Too late.  I'm already retired.  Plus, she wanted me to go to church.


So though some of the ideas in those books were helpful, they didn't really spark me to make that many changes or to embark on a new way of life.  In fact, they just made me feel pressured to fill my days with meaningful activities which reminded me of having a job again.



And then I had an epiphany that changed everything.


Yes, my job gave me purpose.  As a librarian in a public library, I was able to help many people find information that helped them make sense of the world they lived in.  I taught computer classes to help people find jobs, and I arranged for citizenship and ESL classes to be held at the library to help newcomers to the United States.  All of that made me feel purposeful. 
 
But I also realized that when I was working, every day I had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do.

Even if you loved your job, think of all of the things you really didn't want to do.

Think about it.

Every day you were confronted with activities and responsibilities you probably didn't enjoy very much and didn't really want to do.

  • In my case, I not only had to show up at work, I had to show up on time, and you know I am not a morning person.
  • I was only allowed a certain number of days off and sometimes when I wanted time off, it was denied.
  • I had no maternity leave (I went back to work when my babies were only six weeks old), and if I had to leave to take care of a sick child, it could be a problem.
  • I was a manager so I often had to address employee issues that I really didn't want to address.
  • Library customers could be demanding and I had to listen to their complaints.
  • I had to attend meetings that could be boring.
  • I had to deal with traffic getting to and from work.
 
I could go on, but I think I've made my point, and I am sure you could make your own list of things you don't really like to do at work.

So as I have been wrestling with this whole issue of finding purpose in my retirement, here is what I have discovered.
 
Are you ready for it? 

Do you need to find new purpose to enjoy your retirement?

No.

Screw purpose.
 
Ta-da!!!

And that's the key to a happy retirement.

You don't have to find purpose, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do any more.  You are free of all of that.

The freedom of retirement is in and of itself your purpose: to be free of the constraints of a job and the realization that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do any more is purpose enough.

If you feel pressure to find a new purpose, that's like looking for a job.  And when you find your new purpose, that's like HAVING a new job, which could lead to a whole new set of things you don't really want to do.
 
Hell, your existence is purpose enough.
 
Now does that mean I sit around all day watching TV?  Sometimes, if that's what I want to do.  But, no, I don't.  I have gotten involved in a few things such as volunteering as a senior peer counselor, which I really enjoy because I still have that "I like to help people gene" in me.  I exercise regularly and write this blog, and I have tried some new things like meditation and playing with tarot cards.  But I don't have to keep doing any of those things.  I can stop doing them whenever I want to.  I don't have a boss telling me I have to do something.  I am now my own boss.

I have also tried some things that I didn't like, such as Zumba and bird watching (just kidding about the bird watching - inside joke).  The main problem with Zumba was that it was at 10am and I don't like to have to be anywhere that early if I don't have to be and since I am retired I don't have to be. 

The main point is I have tried some things, didn't like them so I stopped doing them, because I can.  I don't have to get myself into anything I can't get myself out of anymore... 
 
BECAUSE I AM FREE!



So if you are getting ready to retire or have retired and are at loose ends about what you should do with yourself, just remember this:

You don't need to spend your retirement looking for your purpose or make elaborate plans before you retire. YOU are your purpose.  Your existence is purpose enough. You are now free to do whatever you want and you are also free to NOT do anything you don't want to do any more.  You are free!

When you free yourself of the "shoulds" in your life, your mind is free to discover what you really enjoy, and if that's solving the problems of the world, fine.  But if it's sitting in a chair every day with a good book or watching "The View," that's also fine.

And for those of you out there whose identity is so tied to your job or career that you are worried about what you will say when someone asks you what you do (and this seems to be more of an issue for men), just say:

"I am enjoying my life and my freedom."

Now go out there and enjoy your life and your freedom.
 
I'm going to go watch "The View."



Thanks for reading!
 
  
See you Friday
 

for my review of

  
"The Fundamentals of Caring"
 
 
and 
  
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)
 
  
and the latest on
 
"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  
 I Die Project."
 
 
 
  

 
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer