Showing posts with label Wives. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Wives. Show all posts

Tuesday, June 30, 2015

Why Have a Wife?

When I wrote my semi-humorous pseudo-paean to husbands in my post "Why Have a Husband," I was shocked by the response, especially from my own daughter.

She seemed to be a bit defensive and to take issue with my post.  She said, "If you are going to say that about husbands, why have a wife then?" 

But I forgive her because she hasn't been married long enough to know just what a pain in the ass a husband can be, but mostly because when she said that, I went, "Aha!  Another idea for a blog post."

When I told Hubby about her response and threw out the question, "Why have a wife?, he was quick to respond: "For sex."

So as I clear my throat, I must say, I rest my case.  Husbands are very basic. 

Neil Young sums up a man's basic needs:

And, in general, that's why a husband thinks he needs a wife.  So we need to get out of that whole "maid thing."

I can easily write about why a husband needs a wife and what a wife is good for, besides sex and maid services.  So here goes.  And thank you to my darling daughter. 

And by the way, this is not just aimed at the man/woman relationship.  This is aimed at whomever considers themselves a husband or a wife.

So without further ado...

Why have a wife?

This is why a husband needs a wife:

---A husband needs a wife to dress him.
We all know that husbands have terrible taste in clothes and even when their taste isn't terrible, they tend to stay with the same style for years.  Sports logos and baseball caps often abound. A wife is needed to make sure they are both not embarrassed by Hubby's clothing choices.

Amy Schumer gives you a hint of what we wives are dealing with.

---A husband needs a wife because she communicates and he doesn't.
Whether you like it or not, if you are a husband, it is likely you are incommunicative except to be judgmental and complain about stuff.  Wives want to talk about feelings and husbands tend to think feelings are something to be felt (there is someone out there who knows exactly where that came from).  Husbands want to come home, be fed, and live in the fantasy that their wives understand when they are too tired to talk to them and when they do talk that their wives really care who won the NFL draft.  A wife communicates what her husband needs to know to have a better relationship and life.

---A husband needs a wife to decorate the house.
Unless the husband is an interior decorator, he should not have a say in the window dressings, the couch, the bedspread or basically anything inside the house when it comes to decorating. The Barcalounger does not belong in the living room.  We know that husbands have terrible taste because so many of us have closets full of tarty lingerie and stripper shoes.  What, you don't?  Anyway, if you are lucky and keep your opinions to yourself, your wife might let you have a room of your own where you can hang your neon beer sign and display your trophies.
The sleeping poodle is a nice touch, don't you think? 
I have a good eye for detail. 

---A husband needs a wife to bring home the bacon.
Not literally bacon, but these days, most households require two incomes if you want to live comfortably and especially if we wives are going to have the wardrobes we deserve.  Many of us wives might even make more money than our husbands and that's OK, but if we bring home our own money, we should be able to spend it as we like.  Yes, there should be a financial plan for the future, but working husbands and wives should not have to ask each other for permission to spend money unless Hubby comes home with a Maserati.

---A husband needs a wife to do stuff with.
Not that! Get your mind out of the gutter! I am talking about stair walking, going to movies, playing golf, traveling, having Happy Hour, watching "The Bachelorette."  Ok, you watch "The Bachelorette" because your wife wants to, but wives do things with their husbands that they don't necessarily want to do, too, such as attending ball games and the occasional tractor pulling contest.

---A husband needs a wife so he has someone he can trust absolutely.
I know, we sneak a Macy's bag into the house from time to time and when you see us in the cool faux fur coat and ask us "Is that new?"


and we reply, "Oh, this old thing? I've had this for ages," that doesn't really count as not being trustworthy.  That happens because husbands are big grumps about Macy's bags coming into the house.  No, I'm talking about important things like always telling you the truth about how you look, what you should be doing with your life and how to put up the Christmas tree lights.

--- And speaking of the Christmas tree lights.
As I said in my post "Why Have a Husband," husbands need our input, especially when it comes to the Christmas tree lights.  It wouldn't be the holidays without a fight about the lights, now would it?

The bottom line is:  A husband needs a wife to tell him all the things he is doing wrong.  I mean, if your best friend, your soul mate, your wife can't tell you, who can?  Don't you want to know when you are screwing up?

Albert Einstein said, "Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.”

Sorry, Albert.  I say wives don't change.  They just start noticing things their husbands could do better.

But seriously folks and I was only half kidding before, I use the word "wife" as a metaphor.  It doesn't matter your sex.  Etymologically speaking, the word "wife" has historical connections to the term "fish wife," which I hate to say because that is associated with a shrill, yelling woman which has also become a negative metaphor for a wife.  I prefer "better half" and "life partner" and that is what I would like to focus on.


When you have a wife, you have a person who in most cases played with baby dolls or took care of their younger siblings or helped and loved their mothers.  They were nurturers. They wanted to take care of someone and they were looking for YOU. When they found you, they wanted to look after YOU and share their lives with YOU.

So even though your wife wants you to dress better, stay out of the decorating decisions, communicate more and do a better job putting those Christmas tree lights up, just know this: she wouldn't be trying to make you a better person if she didn't care.  She would find someone else to work on! 

See you Friday

for my review of the new movie 
"Magic Mike XXL" 

The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

and the latest on

My 1001 Movies I Must See Before
 I Die Project."

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at