The Worst Movies of 2013

The Holiday Season is also the movie season.

Many Hollywood blockbusters open on Christmas Day and for many families, going to the movies on Christmas is a holiday tradition.  Also movie production companies are releasing their films in time for Oscar consideration.

So since I have been traveling to visit family and trying to get all of my holiday tasks completed, I haven't been watching as many DVDs or going to the movies, so instead of my usual Friday Week in Reviews, I thought I would take a break and weigh in on the worst films of 2013 (I will make my Oscar predictions later this month) in my usual trenchant, insightful and opinionated way.  These are films you don't even want to see on DVD.  Trust me.

Yahoo put out a Ten Worst Movies of 2013 list and checking on some others, most lists seem to mostly concur with this one, so see what you think.

I have added a few of mine so it's actually the

15 Worst Movies of 2013.

1.  A Good Day to Die Hard

John McClane travels to Russia to help out his son who turns out to be a CIA operative.  We sure don't know our kids very well, do we?

Rosy the Reviewer says...Die Hard 1 and 2 were actually quite good, but you beat something to death enough and it dies...hard!



2.  Movie 43

A series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

Rosy the Reviewer says... what happens when you put Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Liev Schreiber, Anna Faris, Chris Pratt, Naomi Watts, Kate Bosworth, Halle Berry and Uma Thurman together (and there were more big stars). 

Unbelievably...crap, that's what.



3.  After Earth

Will Smith and son in a sci-fi adventure.

Rosy the Reviewer says...there is a reason there are nepotism rules.




4.  The Lone Ranger

An attempt to revive the old classic TV show.

Rosy the Reviewer says...it didn't work.
When Johnny Depp is unrecognizable, what's the point?




5.  Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world.

Rosy the Reviewer says...It's campy and the special effects are hoaky but, I didn't actually mind this one.  If you like TV shows like "Once Upon a Time" and "Grimm," you might actually like this one.




6.  Machete Kills

Machete is actually a person and is recruited by the U.S. Government to take down an arms dealer in Mexico who wants to launch a weapon into space.

Rosy the Reviewer says...Sophia Vergara's machine gun bra says it all.




7.  Grown-ups 2

Three years after the first "Grown Ups," Lenny moves back to the town where he grew up and crazy stuff happens.

Rosy the Reviewer says...we didn't like this puerile, moronic humor the first time.  Why make another?




8.  Oldboy

Josh Brolin sets out to discover why he was kidnapped and kept in solitary confinement for 20 years and to seek revenge.  This is a remake of the 2003 mystery thriller film directed by Park Chan-wook.

Rosy the Reviewer says...I am not a fan of remaking perfectly good films just because the first one was not in English.  "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" is a case in point.   But at least the American remake was OK on that one. 

Spike, Spike, what happened?  Why remake a perfectly good film and then remake it badly?  I expect more of you.






9.  The Canyons

You have Bret Easton Ellis as writer and Paul Schrader directing this tale of mind games and bloody violence.  What happened?

Rosy the Reviewer says...someone must have pitched this as "We have Lindsay Lohan, we can't lose."




10.  The Hangover III

The Wolf Pack is back.

Rosy the Reviewer says... Once again, if you have something good like the first Hangover film, let's keep making it over and over and over.  No one will notice it's really bad.  Not!

In France this was called "The Very Bad Day," and that's what you will have if you see this film.

Now I have to add a few of my own:




11.  Only God Forgives

Ryan Gosling plays a drug smuggler in Bangkok who goes on a blood bath revenge spree to avenge his brother death. (I reviewed this in my blog "Will Your Husband Cheat? and the Week in Reviews November 1, 2013)

Rosy the Reviewer says...And Ryan, I hope God forgives you for this bloody mess.






12.  The Big Wedding

A long-divorced couple fakes being married as their family unites for a wedding in what is supposed to be a comedy.

Rosy the Reviewer says...You may ask, how can a film with Robert DeNiro, Diane Keaton, Robin Williams, Katherine Heigl and Amanda Seyfried go so terribly wrong?  Don't ask.  It just does.




13.  The Counselor

 A drug deal goes terribly wrong and everyone pays.  (I first reviewed this film in my blog "Will your husband cheat?")

Rosy the Reviewer says...this is one of those films where you just know something really, really gruesome is coming.  And it does...over and over.  You expect more from writer Cormac McCarthy.

14. Iron Man 3

Another installment in the Iron Man franchise. (I first reviewed this in my Week in Reviews October 11, 2013).

Rosy the Reviewer says...Smart ass Super Heroes are annoying.

15.  To the Wonder

After falling in love in Paris, a couple moves to Oklahoma. (I first reviewed this in my blog "Baby Boomer Fashion Show.")

Rosy the Reviewer says... Moral:  Don't move to Oklahoma from Paris. Terrence Malick films can be real yawn fests.  And this is one.

What do you think of this list? 

Any to add?

Take a break from your holiday stress and weigh in.

See you Tuesday for a Baby Boomer's

Christmas Eve Memories.

Thanks for reading!

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Reading a Film and the Week in Reviews

[I review the movies "12 Years a Slave," "The Attack," "Barbara," "Lore" and "White House Down."]

But first

***Reading a Film***

From my sometimes smart-alecky film reviews, you may think that I am just speaking off of the top of my head and trying to show off.  Well, I kind of am, but I want to assure you that my reviews are based on real knowledge of films, believe it or not.

Someone once said, "You can learn a lot by reading (maybe it was me, not sure)," but there is a way of looking at films that will help you understand them better and, thus, enhance your enjoyment.

My Dad was born in 1908 and grew up as an only child. 

His mother was a high school music teacher and gave private vocal lessons.  A woman working in those days was unusual. His Dad was the family failure. 

My Dad spent much of his youth alone and at the movies. 

My Dad was a kind of "Walter Mitty," possibly as a result of some harsh discipline on the family farm which was mitigated by hours at the movies. I can just imagine him following the western serials starring Tom Mix and how that might have spurred his desire to be a cowboy. As for the discipline, my mother told me that when he was a boy on the farm, if he brought the cows home late, discipline was a lashing with a bullwhip on the back of his legs. 

In this picture, you can see that my Dad's boots are dusty from playing on the way to the photographer.  He got in trouble for that too.  He was nine.

My mother always blamed his Dad's harsh discipline for my Dad's retiring nature. 

His escape was the movies.

So as I grew up, my Dad and I bonded over watching movies together and that started my life-long love of films. 

I can remember many occasions when he and I would go to a movie at night without my Mom.  She wasn't that interested.  My Dad loved John Wayne and romantic comedies so it was war movies, westerns and lots of Debbie Reynolds.  That was fine with me.  I just wanted to hang with my Dad.

At home my Dad and I also shared being "night owls." 

Many a night we would stay up to watch the old movie that would start at 11:30.  It's difficult to believe there was a time when there were only three TV stations, and only movies from the 30's and 40's played on television and those were only a couple of times per day - the afternoon movie that started at 1pm (a real treat when I was home sick from school) and the late night movies.

My Dad was the first to teach me to "read a film."

My Dad taught me to watch the credits for names of famous actors in minor roles or before they changed their names to "star names."  Before Tony Curtis was Tony Curtis he was Bernard Schwartz.  Cary Grant was Archibald Leach.  My Dad loved spotting those things. 

He also taught me to watch for certain credits like Cedric Gibbons and Douglas Shearer (his sister was the actress Norma Shearer), the MGM set designer and sound designer respectively.  He said when you saw those names in the credits of an MGM film, it was a high quality film. 

He also would point out some film "devices," such as flowing water symbolizing the passing of time (though he never shared what water crashing on the rocks meant after a kissing scene.  I'm sure you can figure that out).

He was also a real softie.  If there was a sad scene or a really happy scene such as the separated lovers finding each other again and running into each other's arms as the music swelled, he would chuckle softly while wiping the tears from his eyes with his ever present handkerchief, pretending he was wiping his forehead.

So my Dad was a sort of armchair quarterback when it came to films. 

I expanded on that for myself by taking classes, majoring in drama and film, and eventually teaching a class on classic films at a local junior college.

As moviegoers, we tend to watch films uncritically. 

But I feel that if you spend some mental energy looking at a film more critically, it will enhance your overall enjoyment.

So here are some things I look for when "reading a film," which helps me in writing my reviews and enjoying the experience of watching a film.

 

 

• First, I watch the opening credits. 

       You can tell a lot by who is starring, directing, etc.  Also there is a reason 
       why certain images are used over the credits and the music chosen to
       accompany them.  Those set the mood.

• Acting

       This is a given, but as someone who took acting very seriously at one time,
       I enjoy moments of subtle, nuanced acting. Tom Hanks at the end of
       Captain Phillips is an example of that (read my review in my October 18
       Week in Reviews blog).  It looks easy but it's an exercise in restraint. The
       doctor has no idea what he went through and he has no strength to  
       explain. You feel it, though, without him having to say a word. That's
       brilliant acting. 

• Camera angles, long and short shots and effective scene composition. 

      It's the same as reading a book or a poem and admiring the use of
      language. In this case, the "language" is the picture the director creates. 
      The camera angles used in Citizen Kane were milestones - using the    
      camera to shoot from below, using strange angles, montages.  The
      beautiful images you see are all orchestrated.

        Also Before Midnight, the latest in the "Before" series, is an example of
        extremely long "walking and talking" takes, which is unusual but visually
        absorbing.  The usual case is to shoot short scenes and edit them
        together. 

• What kind of narration is used? 

       Voice overs?  Talking directly to the audience?  Flashbacks? How does that
       help the film move forward?  Does it work?  I am not fond of a lot of
       exposition.  That's fine for a book, but a film should show all of that via
       pictures or dialog.

• How does music work in the film?

       Help or hinder?

• I note the pace of the film.

       One thing the casual moviegoer might not be aware of is editing.  In some
       cases, it is the editor who makes or breaks a film, not the director.  That's
       why so many directors edit their own films or are very involved in that
       process.  Editing is the process that puts all of the shots together from
       scene to scene and how that is done can greatly affect how fast or slow   
       the film moves.

• What is the overall mood?

       Lighting, colors, costumes, all of those elements affect the "feel" of the
       film.

• Symbolism

       Remember those waves crashing on rocks I mentioned earlier?  The
       symbolism in films these days is much more sophisticated, but the
       symbols act the same...as visual poetry.  Is there a motif throughout the
       film that hints at or foreshadows something?

• Theme

       The plot is usually obvious.  But what was the underlying message the film
       was trying to convey?

• Production Values

       I try to notice the special effects, the set design, the cinematography...all
       of those things the director had to coordinate to make the film whole.

• Final credits

       There is a reason people are still sitting in their seats after the film ends. 
       They are reading the ending credits, perhaps to see who that actor was
       they didn't recognize or what those songs were or where the movie was
       filmed (at the very end the film "thanks" various people and places.  The
       places are the locations).  It's fun to see that they weren't really in
       Tuscany, they were in San Bernardino!


Final thoughts: 


Book vs. Film.

I hate it when people say, "It wasn't as good as the book." 

Books and films are two different art forms.  Though whatever the written word can convey, a film can tell in pictures, films operate in real time and are limited to around two hours, whereas a novel has the luxury of endless time to tell its story. And I give props to films that do not use long narrative explanations of the plot or exposition, but instead use images to progress the story.  As the saying goes, "A picture is worth a thousand words."

Critics.

Also I loved watching Siskel and Ebert, and I remember one of them talking about how to find films you will enjoy by choosing a critic you liked and following that person.  Read or listen to critics, see the films and then compare - if you liked the film, which critics also liked it?  If you didn't like it, what critics didn't?  Do some comparisons like that for awhile and then if you want to be sure to see films you will like, following that critic that most echoes your feelings about a film.

I hope it will be me!

 

So now I hope I have convinced you that my sometimes snarky comments on films are based on some knowledge and, of course, I must admit, my own biases.  There is always the objective and the subjective.

If you want to dig deeper, I recommend this link from the University of Washington How to Read a Film and James Monaco's scholarly book "How to Read a Film" first written in 1977 and now out in it's 4th edition.

.

 

How do you judge a film?

Now on with my reviews for this week.

 

 

***In Theatres Now***

12 Years a Slave (2013)

 

In 1841, a free black man is kidnapped into slavery.

 

This is a very disturbing film, but it needs to be because slavery was a huge stain on American history and an abomination. 

 

The Best Actor category for the Academy Award is going to be a difficult one to predict as the field is so strong this year (I am predicting that Robert Redford's turn in "All is Lost" is also going to earn him a nomination. Will report back when I see it.)  

 

Chiwetel Ejiofor will surely be nominated for this as will Michael Fassbender, but Fassbender possibly in the Best Supporting Actor category instead of Best Actor.  (To see Ejiofor's acting range, catch him in "Dancing on the Edge," where he plays a Duke Ellington-type band leader in 1930's England playing now on STARZ).

 

Rosy the Reviewer says...a MUST SEE!!!

 

 

***DVDS***

Movies You Might Have Missed
And some you will be glad you did!
(I see the bad ones so you don't have to)

 

Note:  The themes this week seem to be German films and terrorist attacks.

The Attack (2012)

An Arab surgeon in Tel Aviv discovers his Christian wife is a suicide bomber and he sets out to discover why.

This film provoked controversy, because the Arab director shot the film partly in Israel and there was a sympathetic Jewish element in the film.  But it is a terrific, taut film.  You will be pulled in.  Ali Suliman is a study in confusion as he seeks to discover the truth about his wife and we all learn there are no easy answers to the continuing troubles in the Middle East. 

Rosy the Reviewer says...a riveting mystery set amidst the turmoil of the Middle East.  Highly recommended.
(In Arabic and Hebrew with English subtitles)




Barbara (2012)

It's 1980's East Germany and yet another doctor is embroiled in political strife, this time the doctor is a she and she has been banished to the countryside for trying to defect.

This is a quiet film set against the backdrop of lush German countryside making the repression of Eastern Germany all the more frightening.  It's a tense and interesting plot as you try to figure out will she or won't she?  It's an acting tour de force for actress Nina Hoss.   

Rosy the Reviewer says...A good reminder of just how recently Europe was in the throes of Communist repression.  Highly recommended. 
(In German with English subtitles) 




Lore (2012)

As the allies sweep into Germany, a teenaged Lore and her siblings are abandoned by her Nazi parents and must make their way to freedom.

Here is a really interesting new idea gone wrong. 
What happened to Nazi families once the war was over? 
The performances, of mostly children, are outstanding.  However, just as "The Attack" and "Barbara" had stories well told, this movie missed the mark and wasted that interesting idea on a very dry and slow presentation.  Again subtitles.

Rosy the Reviewer says...some of the critics liked it.  I didn't, so view at your own peril.
(In German with English subtitles)




White House Down (2013)

The White House is once again under attack and we need a hunky guy to save the President.

If you like this kind of thing, Gerard Butler did it better in Olympus Has Fallen (reviewed in my October 25th Week in Reviews), but all I could think of while watching this film was where was "Dumb and Dumber" when you needed them?

Rosy the Reviewer says...like I said, dumb.  But I do enjoy Channing Tatum's chest.

That's it for this week.

 

See you next Tuesday

for 
"What Librarians Hate!"

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The Week in Reviews: Films, Books, Fashion and Fun

[I review movies "World War Z," "Fill the Void," "The Great Gatsby," the Martin Short concert, share a couple of good books and dole out fashion tips.]

**Films**

World War Z (2013)

I have three questions about this movie:

1.  If zombies are the living dead, how come we can shoot and kill them?  Aren't they already dead?
2.  Why do zombies bite people i.e. non-zombies?  Why do they want to turn people into zombies?   What's it to them?
3.  Why did Brad Pitt agree to star in this mess?

Rosy the Reviewer says...the beginning was very intense, but the film became laughable as it went on.  On those grounds alone, though, it could become a cult classic.  But Brad Pitt is one fine looking man.





Fill the Void (2012)

A young Hasidic Jewish woman is pressured into an arranged marriage in this small but compelling Israeli film.  Yadas Haron's performance is exquisite.

Rosy the Reviewer says...an uncritical and rare glimpse inside an ultra-conservative religious group filmed by an adherent of that group.  Fascinating.

The Great Gatsby (2013)

Speaking of fine looking men, Leonardo DiCaprio is one, and I don't think he has yet gotten the acting recognition he deserves.  I was expecting to not like this film as I find Baz Luhrmann a bit over the top as a director, but I really, really liked it.  There have been many attempts to film "The Great Gatsby" and my daughter's theory is that the book doesn't translate well into a movie because the book's strength lies in Fitzgerald's beautiful prose, but I was totally captivated by this film.  I don't think the critics agreed, but this film is definitely worth seeing.  All locations were in Australia.  Could have fooled me.  I thought it really was East and West Egg.

Rosy the Reviewer says...A colorful, poignant take on a literary classic, but I could have done without the modern soundtrack.  Highly recommended.





Mud (2012)

Two young boys befriend a fugitive.  Don't like movies with kids as the main characters and don't like Mathew McConaughey, especially with fake teeth.

Rosy the Reviewer says...if you like movies starring kids and Matthew McConaughey, you might like this but don't expect him to look hunky here.  He doesn't.





Wizard of Oz in 3D

What a fun way to spend an afternoon. 

Went to see "The Wizard of Oz" in 3D and on Imax and what a treat it was. 

It brought back many memories.  My Dad bought me the 78 records of the movie and I don't mean just the soundtrack, it was the entire movie.  As I watched the film I realized I knew every word of the script and songs!  I also remembered that when I first saw the film, we went over to my grandparent's house to watch it because they had a color TV and we didn't.  When the movie started, I cried because the movie was in black and white.  I thought something had gone wrong with their television.  I haven't seen a feature film in 3D before and I am a believer.  I just wish I hadn't seen the preview for the new 3D Hobbit movie (which I am definitely going to see now), before Wizard came on.  It just can't compete with the modern effects, but it still has some surprises.

I was wishing I could take my grandson to this, but as I thought about it, I wondered if the classic films like this can compete with the Disney films like "Cars," my little grandson's favorite film and one he is an authority on.  The classic films move at a slower pace than many of the current offerings aimed at children, even with the added 3D effects.

Here is what went into converting the film to 3D.

Any classic films you think would benefit from the 3D makeover?

  

Rosy the Reviewer says...if you have little ones, take them to this.  Or if you just want to have some happy memories, take yourself. 

Just for fun, here are some "Wizard of Oz" factoids (thanks to IMDB):

• The horses in Emerald City palace were colored with Jell-O crystals. The relevant scenes had to be shot quickly, before the horses started to lick it off.
• Many of the Wicked Witch of the West's scenes were either trimmed or deleted entirely, as Margaret Hamilton's performance was thought too frightening for audiences.
• The ruby slippers were silver (like in the book) until MGM chief Louis B. Mayer realized that the Technicolor production would benefit from the slippers being colored.
• The famous "Surrender Dorothy" sky writing scene was done using a tank of water and a tiny model witch attached to the end of a long hypodermic needle. The syringe was filled with milk, the tip of the needle was put into the tank and the words were written in reverse while being filmed from below. (We've come a long way with special effects)!
• During the "Wash and Brush Up Co." scene in the Emerald city, the lyrics "We can make a dimpled smile out of a frown/Can you even dye my eyes to match my gown" are sung in counterpoint to the orchestra playing "Somewhere Over The Rainbow." 
• In 2007, the American Film Institute ranked this as the #10 Greatest Movie of All Time. 

For more trivia, click here.

And if you are a Pink Floyd fan, you will enjoy the coincidences between the film and their "Dark Side of the Moon" album, which can also be found on that trivia link.  It's really quite amazing considering the band denies any connection.

**Concerts**

Martin Short at the Paramount

He was all over the place - he sang, he told stories, he was Jiminy Glick and Ed Grimley and it was hilarious.  I can't imagine anything scarier than doing a one-man show - up there all alone on the stage - but he pulled it off, 90 minutes of Martin Short hilarity.  Hard to believe he is 63.  He moves around the stage like a young man.

Rosy the Reviewer says...If he comes to your town, go see him.  You will have a wonderful night.

And did I tell you I have my tickets to see Cher?



Well I do!

**Books**

The Astor Orphan  (2013) by Alexandra Aldrich

A memoir by an ancestor of John Jacob Astor, one of the richest men of the earliest 20th century, except she was a poor relation.  I like to read about rich folks but this one misses the mark.  Doesn't really shed much light on this dynasty.

Rosy the Reviewer says...Kind of a bore.  Not enough stuff about rich people.  You can skip this one.

The Girl: Life in the Shadow of Roman Polanski (2013)  by Samantha Geimer

Here is the "real story" of the infamous rape case involving Roman Polanski and an underage girl and why he left the U.S. never to return. 

Rosy the Reviewer says...This won't win any writing awards, but it's a compelling story  with a twist in that "the girl" feels Polanski got a bum rap.

**Fashion**

According to Harper's Bazaar, there are 10 key buys for fall. 

Mmmmm...I wonder how my wardrobe measures up?

Ankle boots - check

Soft cuddly oversized clutch -

   Does a koala backpack count?

Turtleneck

   I already have one of those.  It's called my neck.

Tulip skirt

   Yeah, but I may never wear a skirt again

Hand held bag

   Nope but does a gym bag count?

White coat

   Not a chance.  That's all I need.  I would look like Frosty the Snowman

White pant

   Yes, but, hey, it's after Labor Day.  I thought those were a no-no

Motorcycle jacket

   Sigh.  Yes.  I just need a motorcycle and someplace to wear it

Chelsea boot

   In case you don't know what a Chelsea boot is (I didn't) it's a "low flat jodhpur style boot," if that helps - "the ultimate work to week-end shoe."  Since most of my days are weekends, not sure if I need this

  

Over-the-knee boots

   Yes, but I can no longer pull them over my knees.

Just for fun, I thought I would add Sofia Vergara's "Must Haves," from the same Harper's Bazaar issue, but she lost me at the Van Cleef and Arpels necklace.

Other tips:

Mixing prints is a hot trend for fall. 

The key is to keep everything in the same color palette.  Here is my attempt.  A Nordstrom saleswoman complimented me so I must be on the right track. 

And the double chin in this picture is an optical illusion.

And smoking slippers are also hot. 

These are not slippers in the "hang around the house" sense.  These are meant to be seen!

 What are your fall fashion tips?

Well, that's it for this week.

See you next week when I will share 25 things you don't know about me.  I just know you can't wait!

Until then, I wish you much happiness!

 Thanks for reading!  If you enjoyed this post, feel free to subscribe or share it with your friends.