A Little Meditation on a Little Meditation by an Unlikely Meditator

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm






Well, that's it.  See you next time!

I'm only kidding. 

That's just a little meditation humor.

But it is kind of funny that I am even talking about meditation.

Why?

Because I am a type-A personality who has been known to scoff at any New Age self-help type stuff.

I grew up in a household in the Midwest with a Swedish mother who didn't brook any nonsense when it came to "new fangled thinking."  She didn't believe in anything she couldn't see, though I find that funny looking back, because she was religious.

Growing up, I was the hyper one who always wanted to be "doing" something.  I couldn't imagine sitting in a chair alone with myself.  In college, I would be that kid who would burst into a room loudly announcing I was heading out for an evening of fun and who would like to join me, when it was obvious everyone there was stoned and just wanted to lie around grooving to Vanilla Fudge.

When I moved to San Francisco in the early 70's, everyone we knew from Michigan came out to visit and several of our friends were into TM (Transcendental Meditation).  It was all very mysterious. They had mantras that were secret (probably because as it turned out, everyone had the same one!).  I remember coming home from work one time and finding one of our friends sitting on the floor, up against the wall, legs crossed in the lotus position, eyes closed and not acknowledging my arrival.  I thought that was very rude.

My first library job was in a very rural area in northern California.  Twice a week I rode the bookmobile to various locations in the County and one of them was up a mountain where a Transcendental Meditation University was located. I interacted with the students, but I thought it was all rather hippy dippy.

So meditation has been hovering around me for years, but I was never really interested.

Ten years ago, we moved away from where we had lived for 30 years to a new place where we knew no one.  The nest was empty, and though I found a job and had colleagues, I also suffered from bouts of loneliness. 

And a year ago, as retirement was looming, I started thinking about what I was going to do with all of that free time I anticipated.  And when I did retire, I found it to be very stressful.  Check out some of my early blogs and you can see what I was dealing with.

I think when we are confronted with big life changes, that's when we open up to new ways of thinking.  And sometimes the forces convene to lead you on a different path.

I have always been one to want to improve myself, but I wouldn't say I read a lot of self help books.  However, being in the library profession I read book reviews and titles would come across my desk.

I stumbled upon the idea of "emotional intelligence" and a book called "Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)" by Chade Meng-Tan, who worked for Google and trained employees there on how to apply mindfulness techniques in order to succeed at work and in life. His class has become Google's most popular class and always has a long waiting list when it is offered. As the title indicates, it uses a somewhat self deprecating light hearted tone to put out an important and serious message: how to nurture your "emotional intelligence" in order to deal with stress. 

One of the tools that I was particularly taken with was the mnemonic "Siberian North Railroad," which helps you remember to Stop, Breathe, Notice, Reflect and Respond when confronted with stressful situations.

And he talked about meditation. There it was again.  The idea of meditating was following me around.

Then Oprah appeared. 

And you know how I feel about Oprah.  Right there in my email was a special invitation, just for me, from Oprah!  Inviting me to join her and Deepak Chopra in a 21 Day Meditation Challenge.  And it was free!  How could I say no to Oprah?

So I signed up.

Every day for 21 days an email would appear in my inbox, and there would be the link for the day's meditation.  Oprah would say a few words and then Deepak would come on to give me my "Centering Thought" and lead me to the day's meditation. 

Some thoughts might be:

"My security and peace are within."
"Today I make great choices because they are made with full awareness.'
"Today and every day I give that which I want to receive."

It certainly can't hurt to be thinking thoughts like that as you go through your day, right?

My first whole session took about 20 minutes, 15 of it sitting quietly, listening to tinkly New Age music and my trying not to open my eyes or wonder when Deepak was going to ring that little bell to let me know it was over or thinking about what I was going to cook for dinner.

But then as I did it every day, I started to "get it."

Meditation is not this secret, mysterious thing.  Meditation is being alone with yourself. 

Yes, there can be a mantra, but you can do just as well counting your breaths or watching clouds pass by over a blue sky in your mind.  Focus on whatever you want.

It doesn't have to be 20 minutes, it can be five minutes or forty minutes.  Whatever you are comfortable with.

Yes, your mind will wander and thoughts will come and go.  That's OK.  There is no right or wrong way to do this. Just return to your mantra or counting your breaths.

As Russell Simmons says in his new book (see, even the celebs are getting into this) "Success Through Stillness,"

"Meditation does not mean the absence of thoughts.
Meditation does not mean going into a trance.
Meditation does not mean forgetting who or where you are..."

"It's just that meditation allows you to have a different relationship with your thoughts...Instead of being overwhelmed or controlled by your thoughts, you get to detach yourself from them...and start choosing how you want to live in a controlled, peaceful and contented manner." (his book is a very good beginner's guide, too).

You WILL have thoughts, but as you settle into meditation, your thoughts will be "quieter" and you will be able to see those thoughts from a different perspective, and some of those thoughts might just lead you to where you need to go.

But every so often you get into those moments between thoughts and those moments are YOU.  Because believe it or not, you are not your thoughts.  Thoughts are just that -- thoughts.  YOU are pure consciousness.

Before I get too drifty here, think of the fact that most people are going through life asleep - acting, doing, living without thinking about how they are acting, what they are doing or how they are living.

Meditation is just about being conscious of our existence, being aware and in so doing, we become more alive and more in tune with ourselves and others.  It's about attitude and compassion.

When I retired, I was very worried about the social aspect of my job.  Here we were, far from our children and family, and work had provided a social outlet.  Once retired, how would I deal with the possibility of loneliness?

I always remember something which I think David on Real World New Orleans said (I know what you are thinking and, yes, I still watch it and let me remind you of something Buddha said, "Judgment is the road to suffering."  I am just saying). 

He said,  something like "I am never lonely because everywhere I go, I am there."  That quote has stuck with me, because I thought it was such an interesting thing to say and to think, especially since I have suffered from my share of loneliness.

And then I came across another book, "Wherever You Go There You Are:  Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life" by Jon Kabat-Zinn and realized where Real World David got that from.

Meditation is hanging out with yourself.  Your true self. And hopefully you like yourself enough to hang out!

So as I continue on my retirement "journey" - I can't believe I just said that.  Everything is a "journey" these days - But anyway, through meditation, I am getting to know myself better, and it is helping me enjoy life more, whatever form that life may take.  It helps me accept what comes my way, how things are. It gives me a more positive attitude toward myself and others.  It has moved my A-type personality to a "B."

I highly recommend your giving meditation a try, whatever form that might take. 

It will change your life.

As Deepak might say, "Sat Chit Ananda."  Existence, consciousness, bliss.

I am working on that bliss part.


If you are interested in learning more, here are some other titles you might enjoy.

Stay tuned for a blog on tarot cards.  I am getting into those too!

Do you meditate?

Any meditation tips to share?

How do you deal with stress?

See you Friday for

"Reality TV, a Primer"

Thanks for reading!

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it, email it to your friends and
LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer.

Check your local library for books mentioned.

 

What My Mother Told Me: A Mother's Day Tribute From Her Baby Boomer Daughter

 

I have spent a lot of Mother's Days alone with Hubby, since I live far from my children.  Likewise, my mother spent many a Mother's Day by herself because her children did not live nearby.

 

Isn't it strange, the older we get, the better our parents seem?  Wasn't it Mark Twain who said "My father was an amazing man.  The older I got, the smarter he got."

 

The irony is that now that I am in the latter part of my life, I sure wish my parents were still here.

I can't make it up to my mother now for all of those Mother's Days she spent without her children, but I can spend some time thinking about her, which I do every day.

And when I think of her, I can't help but be reminded of her whole repertoire of sayings that I certainly didn't appreciate at the time, but upon reflection, she knew what she was talking about.

"Stand up straight!"

She had probably just said that as I went off to the first day of school junior year.  Or I might have this expression because my Dad is taking my picture once again on the first day of school (we did this on every first day of school...thanks, Dad). 

We lived about two blocks from the high school and she would yell "Stand up straight, Rosellen!" as I slouched off to school.  How humiliating.



"Smile, Rosellen."



Telling me to stand up straight was usually said in tandem with "Smile, Rosellen," which could also explain my expression in said picture. I hated her saying that to me, so that would then lead me to sigh and her to say, "Stop sighing." I hated her saying that too. At the time, I was certain I knew way more than she did, and if she would only recognize that fact, we would get along much better.

However, I have since learned that my Mother was right.  If you stand up straight and suck in your gut, you will look at least five pounds thinner, and I see now, of course, that I look much better when I smile.  The sighing part is still something I need to work on. 

But what is with that awful haircut in that picture? You can tell my Dad cut my bangs. 



"Don't borrow trouble."

This was her 1950's equivalent of "Don't worry, be happy."  Not a lot of talk about worries or feelings in my family.

But trying to stay positive is probably good advice.

"Only crazy people talk to themselves."

I think this was something she said when she was talking to herself.



"Don't worry about me.  You worry about yourself."

I can remember her saying this specifically as I dragged her up a particularly steep hill in San Francisco, where I lived right after graduating from college.  She would have been 62 at the time. 

"How are you doing, Mom? You OK back there?" I asked as I walked way ahead of her, leaving her in the dust, as I usually did, to which she replied, "You don't worry about me, you worry about yourself."

She prided herself in being able to keep up.  But she disliked it that I walked way ahead of her.  I don't really like it either when my kids do it.

However, I have since adopted her retort.

"Get your hair out of your face." 

It being the 60's and all, of course I had to have long hair.  She hated long hair, especially on brides and when wearing formal attire.  If I wanted that prom dress, I had to put the hair up.  If she had had her way, I would have been wearing my hair like this all of the time.

Do you know how many hours sitting in a salon, hair pins and ratting that went into getting my hair up like that?


"Watch him like a hawk!"

When I had my son, she said that all of the time.  I think it had something to do with her own mother telling her a child could drown in a bucket of water.  I never quite understood that story or her mother telling her such a thing, but in general my mother was a worrier.








Then it became "Watch her like a hawk!"

But again, good advice when you have little children running around.

And I did.  I was a Mama Hawk.

"You get what you pay for."

Both of my parents believed in this mantra.  They were middle class folks, but they always bought the best.  Whether it was a piece of furniture, a hat, clothes, they always went for quality. That's where my expensive taste comes from.  Sorry, Hubby.

I know, politically incorrect animal fur and bird feathers, but you get the idea.

  

"It's made of all good things...sugar, flour, butter..."

When I would ask my mother what was in something, she would outline the ingredients because she knew.  She made everything from scratch.  TV dinners were considered a real treat in my family because we ate frozen food so rarely.  TV dinners were new-fangled.

Sugar, flour, butter, those things were not politically incorrect in my mother's day, probably because those things were not so easy to get during the depression and the war.  And I would guess, they didn't contain as many strange ingredients as foods do today, though I must say, I used to eat an awful lot of maraschino cherries in that lovely (now banned) red dye.

"There is a reason rich people are rich.  They are tight with their money and save their pennies.  That's why they are rich."

Probably true.

But as I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs, there is a saying that those who are tight with money are often tight with their love. 

There was a lot of love in my family.

 "If you read, you will never be lonely."

My mother wasn't what I would call a sophisticated reader, but she was a reader.  Her reading habits leaned more toward  "Book of the Month Club" and the "Reader's Digest Condensed Books."

I remember my mother taking me to the great big library in our town for the story times, and I had a library card from a young age. 

 I'm the one in the middle in the white dress. 

(Remember when articles about children going to the library was newsworthy enough to make the newspaper?  Me neither).

The Hackley Public Library in Muskegon, Michigan is an imposing three story structure built in 1888 with funds from Charles Hackley, a lumber baron.  He gave so much money to the town that we celebrated Hackley Day where we only had to go to school for a half day to hear about how great he was.

The library was recently part of a "Most Beautiful Library" contest.

I spent many nights in that library and sitting under those stained glass windows.

My mother was a child of Swedish immigrants and the only one in her large family to finish high school.  She valued education highly and taking me to the library probably planted the seed that would give me and her granddaughter our most challenging and rewarding careers as librarians.

So, Mom, you might not have thought I heard what you told me all those years ago when I was growing up, but I did.

And I hear you still.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom, wherever you are,

and to all you Moms out there!

What are your memories

growing up with your Mom? 

See you Friday for

"Must-See Musical Biopics"

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What Makes You Happy?

If you read my blog, you already know I worship Oprah. 

So of course I get her "Thought for Today Newsletter" in my email.

It's a newsletter with all kinds of feel good articles, and last Tuesday, I noticed this one:  "9 Rules Happy Women Make (and Follow) by Amy Shearn.  It's an interesting list of rules, because they aren't the kinds of things you would think would be on such a list.

Here is a summary of her 9 rules that happy women make ...
and my comments:

1.  When you have two options, find a third. 
She uses an example of your being offered a job in Mexico.  You want the job, but you don't want to move.  You talk to a friend and she says, "Why not telecommute?"

OK, I get that, sort of.  But in this case, how often can most of us telecommute our jobs? 

As a librarian in a public library, that would have been a bit difficult, though there sure were times when I wished I could just click someone off when they were asking me a ridiculously stupid question.  "Oh, sorry, something must have happened to our connection.  I can't hear you."

2.  Always tent the bacon.
Actually, I never knew this.  If you fry your bacon by lifting up the center a bit, the center doesn't burn and the raw ends get cooked properly.  Her point being, steal nifty tricks from good cooks and others to make your life easier. It's the little things, after all.

Here is my nifty trick:

Keep all of your measuring spoons in a little jar on your counter or stove so they are handy, and likewise, your salt, pepper, spices and baking additives that you use all of the time, such as baking powder, in a cute little container like this one. 

You are very welcome.

 
3. Never skip morning sun.

We don't have sun in Seattle.

4.  Honor the someday list.
She says we all make to-do lists, those for what needs to be done right now and those others for what we wish to do "someday," such as travel to Prague or climb a mountain.  She says if you don't do the "someday" within six weeks, you never will.

So within six weeks, I need to live in England, write a novel and kiss Chris Hemsworth?  And if not, does that mean the "bucket list" will still be lying around after I really have kicked the bucket?

5.  Bring your own...
Cell phone charger, wine, whatever it is that you need to be comfortable and you would miss if you didn't.

She is so right here. 

I have a gallon size zip-lock baggie with my chargers, ear buds, armband to hold my phone so I can listen to music during exercise, book holder for the exercise equipment (I like to read on the elliptical), lint remover, reading light, scotch tape and wine bottle opener.  I grab the baggie and I am ready to go. I do the same thing with my make-up.  I have everything I need in the proper size baggies for airline scrutiny (though with my Nexus card I am a "Trusted Traveler" and get to use the TSA Pre-Check, which is life-changing by the way).  Put together your own must-haves similarly and packing for a trip is a breeze.

6.  Scootch as needed
She uses the example of her son building a Thomas the Train track one little track at a time, putting his train on the little track and then adding another track.  She wondered why he didn't complete the entire track before running the train on it.  Her point was:  everything doesn't need to be planned out before you get the "pleasure of scooching forward."

Mmmm

It makes me happier to plan things.  Sorry.

7.  Forget the breadstick.
Even if you started eating the bread, if the restaurant has bad lighting or anything else you don't like, it's OK to leave.

I would add, it's OK to ask to not be seated by the kitchen, the server station, the door or the restrooms. I have inherited my Dad's issues with restaurants.

8.  Sleep when you are depressed.
Rest will help your depression.

I thought depressed people couldn't get out of bed. 

9.  In 9-degree weather blow bubbles.
Somehow these little frozen bubbles are delightful and will help you forget it's 9-degrees below zero.

She lost me here.




But she is right that it's the little things that promote our happiness, and now that I am retired, that seems to be even more true.

However, despite the fact that some on this list seem frivolous and not necessary to my own happiness, it got me to thinking.

What makes me happy?

Here are my 10 rules for happiness
(I know it's supposed to be 9 but I like even numbers):

1.  People who know the rules of the road.
It makes me happy when people know how to drive.
For example, don't wave at me to go at a four-way stop when it's not my turn.
People, when we are both at a four-way stop, please don't wave for me to go. I know the rules of the road.  If we both get there at the same time, the person on the right gets to go.  Otherwise, first come, first served.  Don't wave for me to go if it's not my turn, because I won't go.  That doesn't make me happy.




And did you know that on a four-lane road, if you are on the far side of a school bus with its lights on and you are heading in the opposite direction, you do NOT need to stop?  Well, good, but no one here seems to know that.

2.  In a restaurant, being seated away from the kitchen, server station, the door or the restrooms makes me happy.  Likewise, when traveling, a hotel room away from the elevator, ice machine, vending machine or maid's storage room is a must (See Rule #4 below).
Someone has to have those crappy tables and rooms, but it ain't gonna be me.

3. My Nexus card.
When we first moved to Seattle, we planned to travel to Canada often, especially Victoria and Vancouver. 

We have actually been there often, but not as often as we would like.  While sitting in long lines at the border, we noticed a lane that said "Nexus" and there was never anyone in it.  After some research, I discovered that the Nexus card is given to "trusted travelers," who have been vetted by the State Department.  We applied and received one, and it's a life changer.  We zip across the border when the wait time for others could be up to three hours. 

An added bonus is that it works for TSA Pre-check, which means you can leave your shoes on and don't need to pull out your liquids or computer when going through security at the airport.  Makes flying a lot more pleasant.  That makes me happy.

4.  Sleeping-in.
(Which partly explains Rule #2 above).
Now that I am retired, I wonder how I ever got to work by 8 or 8:30am.  Sometimes I had to be somewhere at 7!  How was that possible?  It makes me happy each evening to know that I can get up whenever I want the next morning.  

However, my happy sleeping-in requires that the heat not be turned on, the dogs are kept away from the bedroom door (they scratch on it) and that Hubby not make too much noise (stay tuned for my blog in May celebrating 30 years of marriage, where I talk about what it takes to stay married that long).

5.  One "do anything day" a week.
I call that my catch up day...I catch up with my bad TV choices, look like crap and do whatever I want.  It's especially happy when the wine guzzling poodle chooses to spend that time with me.  He likes to watch "The View" too ( he won't watch "The Talk," though. He thinks it's derivative).

6.  Exploring.
Whether it's flying to Europe to explore or exploring in my own backyard via stair walks or trying a new restaurant, happiness is getting out there in the world and experiencing it up close and personal.  I talked about my love of stair walking in my blog "The Joys of Stair Walks" and one of my favorite vacations in "My Favorite Summer Vacation: My Narrow Boat Cruising Adventure in England."  I hope I am an explorer to the very end, because that makes me happy.

 

 

 

7.  Phone calls and Skyping with my adult children.
When your children grow up and move away, it is difficult to remain close.  Closeness requires creating a continuing history together, and we all know that long distance relationships don't work very well, not even with your children.  So effort needs to be made and being able to see each other or talk regularly helps. Getting to also see the grandchildren is an extra bonus.

8.  Grandchildren
Having grandchildren is not a do-over by any means, but having grandchildren allows you to enjoy those early childhood years that perhaps you were not able to fully enjoy because of what life threw at you when your own children were growing up.  I know that when I am around my little grandsons, I feel great happiness.

9.  Writing this blog
When the Internet first came onto the scene, I can remember thinking, "I am going to set up a webpage and flood the world with my philosophy of life." 

But I never did. 

I didn't learn HTML and was never particularly savvy about how to put together web pages.  And who had the time?  But then I started to write a blog for my library and enjoyed that, though other work obligations kept me from writing as often as I probably should have.

But now that I am retired, I find this to be something that brings me happiness. 

Retirement is a time to find out who you really are and to finally get to do things that you have always wanted to do. I always enjoyed writing, and I like to communicate. Writing a blog is an opportunity to express myself and hopefully, if I say something there that makes someone laugh or helps someone in some way, then that makes me happy. 

Whether it's a blog or inventing a new product or traveling the world, it's important for all of us to find our purpose in life.

I think that's what retirement is all about. 

You may retire from a daily job with its own rules and obligations, but you don't  "retire" from life. You don't retire from yourself. Retirement is an opportunity to spend that time alone with yourself to experiment, to discover who and what you really are, to find that meaning of life thing we all search for.

I will keep working on that.

But as Oprah often says, "One thing I know for sure..."

So my #10 rule for happiness?

Love and be loved.

 

I wish you all great happiness!

 

What Makes You Happy?

 

 

 

See you Friday for

 

"Must-See Biopics and The Week in Review"

Thanks for reading!

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it and/or email it to your friends.