A Retired Baby Boomer Librarian's Bucket List

One dark and lonely night (we have a lot of those around here), I came upon the movie "The Bucket List."

Believe it or not, I had never heard that expression before.

A little research showed that there is not agreement on how old this phrase is. Some believe it originated with the movie. Others feel it has been around longer. But all agree, it is based on the phrase "kicking the bucket."

For those of you who haven't heard of this, the "bucket list" is that list of things you want to see or do before you "kick the bucket," ...er...die.

As a retired librarian, here is my "bucket list," first from a retired librarian's point of view:

• Before I die, I would like to see the librarian stereotype go away.

Throughout my career, when I have replied to the question about what I did for a living, I have had to hear comments like these:

"You don't look like a librarian,"

or

"You must read a lot of books (at work),"

or

"Shhhhh,"
(followed by chuckling because for some reason people get a kick out of themselves by saying that. I, on the other hand, do not).

Since during my career I interacted with librarians on a daily basis and saw the diversity that makes up the profession, it makes me wonder, "What is a librarian supposed to look like?"

But ask the "civilian," and nine times out of ten, you would probably hear her (librarians are stereotypically women) described as an intimidating, dowdy spinster wearing a bun and double-tread floor gripper shoes and whose only goal in life is to hush people up and be disapproving.

So my ultimate "bucket list" goal would be to see a movie starring a librarian as a sexy, superhero, flying about protecting people's free speech and right to read, pummeling censorship and basically teaching people good manners.

She is glamorous, yet practical (yes, it's a woman...we deserve superhero status), plucky (I love that word) and witty. She is also well-read (though she would never dream of reading books on the job), not just in the classics, but in popular culture as well. And she can match the "right book to the right person at the right time."

She never shushes anyone, though when battling the forces of evil, she sometimes must be blunt. As she stares down the bad guy, she says , "If you had just read that book I recommended, none of this would have happened!"

• I would like to see libraries viewed as educational institutions instead of the often mistaken view that they are only recreational entities.

Yes, people go to libraries for recreational reading and entertainment DVDs, but libraries are so much more than that. 

Libraries and librarians are also instrumental in getting children started on the road to literacy before they enter kindergarten. They offer homework help to children and teens in school, and they are there for the adult lifelong learner who needs to learn new skills.

When the money is handed out by the powers that be or a vote is needed to support library services, it should be a no brainer that libraries are as important as schools. 

Some libraries have actually closed due to lack of financial support.

That shouldn't happen in a country where education and literacy are so prized.

• I would like to leave this world with the knowledge that every man, woman and child not only uses the library, but knows what the library has to offer.

I have always thought that if people really knew what libraries offered, they would be pounding down the doors.

I never again want to hear someone nervously say to me, "I haven't been in a library in years" or "Why do I need the library?"

Libraries offer quality databases (and these are not the same as going on the Internet) that would help small business owners make more money, that include free online newspapers and magazines and information on a myriad of topics to help people with their research and daily lives and meeting rooms where the community can gather. Library web pages offer downloadable ebooks and other information while library programs include classes to help people with their English and computer skills, family events, I could go on and on.

All free and open to all.

But for some reason, despite hard work and attention to this, for every person who uses the library, there are many more who not only don't use the library, they have no idea what they offer.

• In retirement, find something as meaningful to do to replace my work as a librarian: 

as meaningful as protecting your right to information, as meaningful as getting children ready for school, as meaningful as helping newcomers attain U.S. citizenship, as meaningful as providing a community gathering place for people to share their ideas openly.  Those are just some of the things librarians in public libraries do. 

That will be difficult to replace.

As a retired librarian with 40 years under my belt, those are the items on my professional "bucket list."

However,  I am also human, so I have my personal "bucket list" too.

And, as usual, I am compelled to share.

• Win "The Amazing Race" with my husband as we bicker our way around the world.

• Kiss Chris Hemsworth.  He had me at "Rush."

       (I know he's married but so am I!)

•  Become a famous character actress

       (I've missed my chance to be an ingenue, I guess).

• Write a juicy best-selling book.

• Live my Reality TV dream. Star as "the old one" on "Big Brother" (new season premieres June 25) and win "Survivor," where I "Outwit, Outplay, and Outlast" them all wearing adorable swimsuits and cute sandals. (It's easy to lose weight on "Survivor".)

• Find out that face lifts don't hurt

       (and I can get one for free).

• Become fluent in Italian and drive my own boat glamourously through the canals of Venice as I head to my villa.

• Become a YouTube star (I am sure I could think of something stupid enough to do to get myself on there), and because of it, be interviewed by Oprah who then asks me to become her best friend. And she gives me my own show.

• Millions follow my blog

• Move to Paris

• Better yet, win the lottery so I could have homes in Paris, Venice, London, the English countryside, Victoria B.C, and wherever my children and grandchildren happen to be living so I can hang around them as much as I want.

 

Sigh. I guess those aren't very realistic - I guess that's my "dream" bucket list.

 

More realistically, if I can live near enough to my children that I can often enjoy them and the grandchildren, travel to Europe when I get the urge, stay well enough to bicycle in the Cotswolds, live comfortably, continue to make and keep good friends and hear more people say,

 

"I go to the library all of the time. I don't know what I would do without libraries."

 

and

 

"I think librarians are cool. You look just like one!"

 

Then I could die happy.

Make my day. 

Share some stories about how the library changed your life.

What's on YOUR Bucket List?

See you Friday for

"The Perfect Hotel Room"

 

Thanks for reading!

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A Little Meditation on a Little Meditation by an Unlikely Meditator

Ommmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm






Well, that's it.  See you next time!

I'm only kidding. 

That's just a little meditation humor.

But it is kind of funny that I am even talking about meditation.

Why?

Because I am a type-A personality who has been known to scoff at any New Age self-help type stuff.

I grew up in a household in the Midwest with a Swedish mother who didn't brook any nonsense when it came to "new fangled thinking."  She didn't believe in anything she couldn't see, though I find that funny looking back, because she was religious.

Growing up, I was the hyper one who always wanted to be "doing" something.  I couldn't imagine sitting in a chair alone with myself.  In college, I would be that kid who would burst into a room loudly announcing I was heading out for an evening of fun and who would like to join me, when it was obvious everyone there was stoned and just wanted to lie around grooving to Vanilla Fudge.

When I moved to San Francisco in the early 70's, everyone we knew from Michigan came out to visit and several of our friends were into TM (Transcendental Meditation).  It was all very mysterious. They had mantras that were secret (probably because as it turned out, everyone had the same one!).  I remember coming home from work one time and finding one of our friends sitting on the floor, up against the wall, legs crossed in the lotus position, eyes closed and not acknowledging my arrival.  I thought that was very rude.

My first library job was in a very rural area in northern California.  Twice a week I rode the bookmobile to various locations in the County and one of them was up a mountain where a Transcendental Meditation University was located. I interacted with the students, but I thought it was all rather hippy dippy.

So meditation has been hovering around me for years, but I was never really interested.

Ten years ago, we moved away from where we had lived for 30 years to a new place where we knew no one.  The nest was empty, and though I found a job and had colleagues, I also suffered from bouts of loneliness. 

And a year ago, as retirement was looming, I started thinking about what I was going to do with all of that free time I anticipated.  And when I did retire, I found it to be very stressful.  Check out some of my early blogs and you can see what I was dealing with.

I think when we are confronted with big life changes, that's when we open up to new ways of thinking.  And sometimes the forces convene to lead you on a different path.

I have always been one to want to improve myself, but I wouldn't say I read a lot of self help books.  However, being in the library profession I read book reviews and titles would come across my desk.

I stumbled upon the idea of "emotional intelligence" and a book called "Search Inside Yourself: The Unexpected Path to Achieving Success, Happiness (and World Peace)" by Chade Meng-Tan, who worked for Google and trained employees there on how to apply mindfulness techniques in order to succeed at work and in life. His class has become Google's most popular class and always has a long waiting list when it is offered. As the title indicates, it uses a somewhat self deprecating light hearted tone to put out an important and serious message: how to nurture your "emotional intelligence" in order to deal with stress. 

One of the tools that I was particularly taken with was the mnemonic "Siberian North Railroad," which helps you remember to Stop, Breathe, Notice, Reflect and Respond when confronted with stressful situations.

And he talked about meditation. There it was again.  The idea of meditating was following me around.

Then Oprah appeared. 

And you know how I feel about Oprah.  Right there in my email was a special invitation, just for me, from Oprah!  Inviting me to join her and Deepak Chopra in a 21 Day Meditation Challenge.  And it was free!  How could I say no to Oprah?

So I signed up.

Every day for 21 days an email would appear in my inbox, and there would be the link for the day's meditation.  Oprah would say a few words and then Deepak would come on to give me my "Centering Thought" and lead me to the day's meditation. 

Some thoughts might be:

"My security and peace are within."
"Today I make great choices because they are made with full awareness.'
"Today and every day I give that which I want to receive."

It certainly can't hurt to be thinking thoughts like that as you go through your day, right?

My first whole session took about 20 minutes, 15 of it sitting quietly, listening to tinkly New Age music and my trying not to open my eyes or wonder when Deepak was going to ring that little bell to let me know it was over or thinking about what I was going to cook for dinner.

But then as I did it every day, I started to "get it."

Meditation is not this secret, mysterious thing.  Meditation is being alone with yourself. 

Yes, there can be a mantra, but you can do just as well counting your breaths or watching clouds pass by over a blue sky in your mind.  Focus on whatever you want.

It doesn't have to be 20 minutes, it can be five minutes or forty minutes.  Whatever you are comfortable with.

Yes, your mind will wander and thoughts will come and go.  That's OK.  There is no right or wrong way to do this. Just return to your mantra or counting your breaths.

As Russell Simmons says in his new book (see, even the celebs are getting into this) "Success Through Stillness,"

"Meditation does not mean the absence of thoughts.
Meditation does not mean going into a trance.
Meditation does not mean forgetting who or where you are..."

"It's just that meditation allows you to have a different relationship with your thoughts...Instead of being overwhelmed or controlled by your thoughts, you get to detach yourself from them...and start choosing how you want to live in a controlled, peaceful and contented manner." (his book is a very good beginner's guide, too).

You WILL have thoughts, but as you settle into meditation, your thoughts will be "quieter" and you will be able to see those thoughts from a different perspective, and some of those thoughts might just lead you to where you need to go.

But every so often you get into those moments between thoughts and those moments are YOU.  Because believe it or not, you are not your thoughts.  Thoughts are just that -- thoughts.  YOU are pure consciousness.

Before I get too drifty here, think of the fact that most people are going through life asleep - acting, doing, living without thinking about how they are acting, what they are doing or how they are living.

Meditation is just about being conscious of our existence, being aware and in so doing, we become more alive and more in tune with ourselves and others.  It's about attitude and compassion.

When I retired, I was very worried about the social aspect of my job.  Here we were, far from our children and family, and work had provided a social outlet.  Once retired, how would I deal with the possibility of loneliness?

I always remember something which I think David on Real World New Orleans said (I know what you are thinking and, yes, I still watch it and let me remind you of something Buddha said, "Judgment is the road to suffering."  I am just saying). 

He said,  something like "I am never lonely because everywhere I go, I am there."  That quote has stuck with me, because I thought it was such an interesting thing to say and to think, especially since I have suffered from my share of loneliness.

And then I came across another book, "Wherever You Go There You Are:  Mindfulness Meditation in Everyday Life" by Jon Kabat-Zinn and realized where Real World David got that from.

Meditation is hanging out with yourself.  Your true self. And hopefully you like yourself enough to hang out!

So as I continue on my retirement "journey" - I can't believe I just said that.  Everything is a "journey" these days - But anyway, through meditation, I am getting to know myself better, and it is helping me enjoy life more, whatever form that life may take.  It helps me accept what comes my way, how things are. It gives me a more positive attitude toward myself and others.  It has moved my A-type personality to a "B."

I highly recommend your giving meditation a try, whatever form that might take. 

It will change your life.

As Deepak might say, "Sat Chit Ananda."  Existence, consciousness, bliss.

I am working on that bliss part.


If you are interested in learning more, here are some other titles you might enjoy.

Stay tuned for a blog on tarot cards.  I am getting into those too!

Do you meditate?

Any meditation tips to share?

How do you deal with stress?

See you Friday for

"Reality TV, a Primer"

Thanks for reading!

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it, email it to your friends and
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Check your local library for books mentioned.

 

What My Mother Told Me: A Mother's Day Tribute From Her Baby Boomer Daughter

 

I have spent a lot of Mother's Days alone with Hubby, since I live far from my children.  Likewise, my mother spent many a Mother's Day by herself because her children did not live nearby.

 

Isn't it strange, the older we get, the better our parents seem?  Wasn't it Mark Twain who said "My father was an amazing man.  The older I got, the smarter he got."

 

The irony is that now that I am in the latter part of my life, I sure wish my parents were still here.

I can't make it up to my mother now for all of those Mother's Days she spent without her children, but I can spend some time thinking about her, which I do every day.

And when I think of her, I can't help but be reminded of her whole repertoire of sayings that I certainly didn't appreciate at the time, but upon reflection, she knew what she was talking about.

"Stand up straight!"

She had probably just said that as I went off to the first day of school junior year.  Or I might have this expression because my Dad is taking my picture once again on the first day of school (we did this on every first day of school...thanks, Dad). 

We lived about two blocks from the high school and she would yell "Stand up straight, Rosellen!" as I slouched off to school.  How humiliating.



"Smile, Rosellen."



Telling me to stand up straight was usually said in tandem with "Smile, Rosellen," which could also explain my expression in said picture. I hated her saying that to me, so that would then lead me to sigh and her to say, "Stop sighing." I hated her saying that too. At the time, I was certain I knew way more than she did, and if she would only recognize that fact, we would get along much better.

However, I have since learned that my Mother was right.  If you stand up straight and suck in your gut, you will look at least five pounds thinner, and I see now, of course, that I look much better when I smile.  The sighing part is still something I need to work on. 

But what is with that awful haircut in that picture? You can tell my Dad cut my bangs. 



"Don't borrow trouble."

This was her 1950's equivalent of "Don't worry, be happy."  Not a lot of talk about worries or feelings in my family.

But trying to stay positive is probably good advice.

"Only crazy people talk to themselves."

I think this was something she said when she was talking to herself.



"Don't worry about me.  You worry about yourself."

I can remember her saying this specifically as I dragged her up a particularly steep hill in San Francisco, where I lived right after graduating from college.  She would have been 62 at the time. 

"How are you doing, Mom? You OK back there?" I asked as I walked way ahead of her, leaving her in the dust, as I usually did, to which she replied, "You don't worry about me, you worry about yourself."

She prided herself in being able to keep up.  But she disliked it that I walked way ahead of her.  I don't really like it either when my kids do it.

However, I have since adopted her retort.

"Get your hair out of your face." 

It being the 60's and all, of course I had to have long hair.  She hated long hair, especially on brides and when wearing formal attire.  If I wanted that prom dress, I had to put the hair up.  If she had had her way, I would have been wearing my hair like this all of the time.

Do you know how many hours sitting in a salon, hair pins and ratting that went into getting my hair up like that?


"Watch him like a hawk!"

When I had my son, she said that all of the time.  I think it had something to do with her own mother telling her a child could drown in a bucket of water.  I never quite understood that story or her mother telling her such a thing, but in general my mother was a worrier.








Then it became "Watch her like a hawk!"

But again, good advice when you have little children running around.

And I did.  I was a Mama Hawk.

"You get what you pay for."

Both of my parents believed in this mantra.  They were middle class folks, but they always bought the best.  Whether it was a piece of furniture, a hat, clothes, they always went for quality. That's where my expensive taste comes from.  Sorry, Hubby.

I know, politically incorrect animal fur and bird feathers, but you get the idea.

  

"It's made of all good things...sugar, flour, butter..."

When I would ask my mother what was in something, she would outline the ingredients because she knew.  She made everything from scratch.  TV dinners were considered a real treat in my family because we ate frozen food so rarely.  TV dinners were new-fangled.

Sugar, flour, butter, those things were not politically incorrect in my mother's day, probably because those things were not so easy to get during the depression and the war.  And I would guess, they didn't contain as many strange ingredients as foods do today, though I must say, I used to eat an awful lot of maraschino cherries in that lovely (now banned) red dye.

"There is a reason rich people are rich.  They are tight with their money and save their pennies.  That's why they are rich."

Probably true.

But as I mentioned in one of my earlier blogs, there is a saying that those who are tight with money are often tight with their love. 

There was a lot of love in my family.

 "If you read, you will never be lonely."

My mother wasn't what I would call a sophisticated reader, but she was a reader.  Her reading habits leaned more toward  "Book of the Month Club" and the "Reader's Digest Condensed Books."

I remember my mother taking me to the great big library in our town for the story times, and I had a library card from a young age. 

 I'm the one in the middle in the white dress. 

(Remember when articles about children going to the library was newsworthy enough to make the newspaper?  Me neither).

The Hackley Public Library in Muskegon, Michigan is an imposing three story structure built in 1888 with funds from Charles Hackley, a lumber baron.  He gave so much money to the town that we celebrated Hackley Day where we only had to go to school for a half day to hear about how great he was.

The library was recently part of a "Most Beautiful Library" contest.

I spent many nights in that library and sitting under those stained glass windows.

My mother was a child of Swedish immigrants and the only one in her large family to finish high school.  She valued education highly and taking me to the library probably planted the seed that would give me and her granddaughter our most challenging and rewarding careers as librarians.

So, Mom, you might not have thought I heard what you told me all those years ago when I was growing up, but I did.

And I hear you still.

Happy Mother's Day, Mom, wherever you are,

and to all you Moms out there!

What are your memories

growing up with your Mom? 

See you Friday for

"Must-See Musical Biopics"

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