Our Mothers and The Movies, A Baby Boomer's Perspective - and The Week in Reviews

[I review movies "Labor Day," "Blue Caprice," "Last Vegas" and "Don Jon."]

But first

Our Mothers and the Movies:

A Baby Boomer's Perspective

Today is my mother's birthday.  She would have been 106.

Even at my age, it seems strange to have had a mother born in 1908. 
Her Dad was born in the 1800's. She was 40 when she had me and since I didn't start my family until I was 32 when I had my son, I figured we skipped a whole generation somewhere.

I recently reviewed a book for "Library Journal" called "Mom in the Movies: The Iconic Screen Mothers You Love (and a few you love to hate)" by Turner Classic Movies with critic Richard Corliss.

It's a coffee table book that movie fans will love, but I also couldn't help but think of how these movie Mom images affected me and my view of my own mother. 

Her parents were Swedish immigrants and she strived to better herself.  Though she couldn't go to college, she always revered education.  There was never any doubt in my mind that I would go to college.  She had strong opinions about pretty much everything (must be where I got it from!) and was horrified if someone who was educated used bad English.  She would correct them right to their face! 

As was typical of the times, when my parents had children, my mother stayed at home as a housewife.  Before that, she had been the secretary to the president of the local bank and we never heard the end of that.  Though she was a product of her times, this was a woman who would have had a successful career.

But failing that, she threw herself into being a good housewife.

Monday was washing day, Tuesday ironing day, etc. She hung the wash out on the line so we had fresh smelling sheets, she ironed her sheets and pillow cases, baked pies, produced delicious Sunday suppers, got up every morning to make my Dad's breakfast, was home when I came home from school, catered to my food dislikes, volunteered in the community and kept her house immaculate.

I certainly didn't appreciate her at the time.

I am horrified now at how my brother treated her and I wasn't much better.  My brother called her "Witch Hazel" to her face, "Haze," for short (I think from the Looney Tunes character).  As the younger sister, I thought that was hysterical.  Maybe he called her that because she would chase him with the broom when he was really outrageous. And we both liked to sneak up on her when she was ironing in the basement and scare her.  She would jump a mile and we would laugh hysterically.  It was your typical "wait until your Dad gets home" scenario, but unfortunately, my Dad didn't want to get involved.  Must have been hard for her.

She also personified the Swedish reserve and didn't ascribe to any modern psychological notions such as talking about "feelings."  I can remember saying to her, "Mom, I feel depressed," and she would answer, "What do you have to be depressed about?"  So much for wanting to help your young daughter work through her emotions.  But that was the way it was then.  You didn't complain.  And I learned that if you did, no one wanted to talk about it.

I watched a lot of TV and many movies.  There was June Cleaver, June Lockhart ("Lassie"), Jane Wyatt ("Father Knows Best") and Donna Reed, all understanding, perfect mothers.

No flesh and blood Mom could compete with the Moms and actresses on TV and in the movies. 

I once wrote a letter to Elizabeth Taylor and told her I wished she was my Mom. Not sure now why I equated her with "Mom-dom."  Maybe I just wanted to have a glamorous Hollywood mother I could hang out with.

She sent me this glamour shot.

All of that movie watching I did as a child must have really affected me and my views on motherhood.


Who could be as long suffering as Ma Joad in "The Grapes of Wrath,"

(She would silently put up with whatever I dished out)

or as gallant and "stiff upper lip-ish" as Greer Garson in "Mrs. Miniver
(she was so good she won an Oscar!)"

(Her strength and courage would protect me from everything).

or as comforting as Irene Dunne in "I Remember Mama," 

(I bet SHE would care about my feelings).

or as self-sacrificing as "Stella Dallas?"

(She would step aside so I could marry a rich guy and have everything I ever wanted).

Because of the movies, we expected our mothers to be stoic, gallant, comforting and self-sacrificing.  Our Moms never had a chance.

But on the other side of things,  I am sure our mothers had happy expectations of us, too, but instead sometimes got something quite different.

There might have been days when our mothers thought we were like

murderous Rhoda in "The Bad Seed"

or selfish Veda in "Mildred Pierce."

Or cute but deadly little Damien from "The Omen."

We might not have had a choice who our mothers were, but we also need to remember that they didn't have a choice on how we would turn out either!

"Mom in the Movies" makes the point that even though the financial constraints of the film business dictates a focus on a young male audience, "mother movies" will always be around. 

"Children must be shown where they came from, and from whom...  [Mothers] deserve the affirmation of popular culture for their important, impossible job.  All of us need images in films to reflect and enrich, challenge and validate, the ones in our hearts.  On that screen, we demand to see our better selves: our mothers."

And aging actresses need juicy parts!

Happy Birthday, Mom!

 Who was your favorite on-screen Mom?

The Week in Reviews

***In Theatres Now***

Labor Day

An escaped convict kidnaps a depressed woman and her son and love ensues (naturally).

I so, so wanted to love this movie. 

You know with my penchant for Lifetime Movies, I thought it would be a natural or at least so bad it was good.  It was neither. This was farfetched and laborious.  I mean, he forces the mother and son to take him to their house, and the next day he is changing her oil, scrubbing her floors and teaching them how to make peach pie. And that was just the first day! By the time the Labor Day weekend is over, Winslet and Brolin are in love and running off together.  I guess a lot can happen in a weekend!

Speaking of the pie, it seemed they were going for something like the pottery wheel scene in "Ghost," but if so...nope.

This is based on the book "Labor Day" by Joyce Maynard, who might be more famously known for her controversial 1998 "kiss and tell" book ("At Home in the World") about her love affair, at a young age with J.D. Salinger (he liked them young). Coincidentally, she was featured in the documentary on him "Salinger," which played recently on American Masters on PBS and is available on DVD.

Rosy the Reviewer says...I am a big Kate Winslet fan, but watching this movie, I felt like I was in labor.

***DVDS***

You Might Have Missed

And Some You Should Be Glad You Did

(I see the bad ones so you don't have to)

Blue Caprice (2013)

Dramatization of the lives of John Allen Muhammad and Lee Malvo, also known as the Beltway Snipers (2002).

Isaiah Washington and Tequan Richmond do a good job with what they have to work with, but the film is ultimately disappointing because Muhammad's transition from hard-working, caring father figure to a cold-blooded killer is just not explained.  The title derives from the tricked-out car they used to carry out the attacks undetected for so long.

Rosy the Reviewer says...if you are expecting to understand these senseless killings, you won't find the answer here.




Last Vegas (2013)

Four childhood friends, now in their 70's, meet up in Las Vegas for a bachelor party.

You would think that with Robert DeNiro, Michael Douglas, Morgan Freeman and Kevin Kline we would be in for a treat. Doesn't always work like that. This is "The Hangover" for the geriatric set, and though there are some laughs to be had, it is ultimately disappointing.

Rosy the Reviewer says...Didn't pass the "Rosy Test."  I didn't laugh.





Don Jon (2013)

A New Jersey player only cares about his pad, his car, his church, his family and... porn.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt (my how he has grown since "Third Rock from the Sun!") wrote and directed this film about a guy addicted to porn, to the point that he enjoys that more than sex with a real live girl.  Naturally, he realizes the error of his ways with the help of an older woman, Julianne Moore, in a not quite believable role.  The revelation here is Scarlett Johansson, who plays the gum-chewing love of his life Jersey girl.  Her characterization would do "New Jersey Shore" proud.

Rosy the Reviewer says...a fun 90 minutes, but remember it's about porn so there's lots of porn. So don't say I didn't warn you.

***Book of the Week***

Mom & Me & Mom by Maya Angelou (2013)

From the author of "I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings" and countless other memoirs and books of poetry, Angelou tackles the deepest personal story of her life: her relationship with her mother.

Her mother sent her brother and her away when her marriage fell apart, and when they were reunited, Maya was angry and bitter. But her mother patiently worked to win her love.  Angelou's prose is spare and tight, reminiscent of Hemingway.

Rosy the Reviewer says...a slim volume full of the redemptive power of love.  If you are an Angelou fan, this rounds out her story.  If not, it's time you discovered her!

That's it for this week. 

See you Tuesday.

Thanks for reading!

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Passing the Baton

My daughter graduated from library school in June.  I retired from my 40 year career as a librarian in July.

Just as I left the profession, my daughter began job hunting for her first professional library position.

She just called to say she had accepted a very good job offer.

I am so proud of her and happy that she has chosen the profession that sustained me for 40 years.

My daughter's and my lives have had many parallels, 37 years apart. 

We both moved thousands of miles away from our families, we both wanted to be actresses and we both became librarians.

We were born

"Welcome to the world!"

      1948                                                                                  1985                                                                                                     

                                                                        


        

 

 

 

 

We grew up in loving families.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 
 
 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Graduated from High School

 

                 1966                                                                                                        2003                                                                                                                                                                                                      

                                                               

We Graduated from College

             1970

 

 

 

 

 

 2007

 

 

 

 

 

 

We Got Married

 

  




                                  1984                                                                    2010

                                                

 

 

We Were Actresses and Performers

                                                 

 

                                    

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Then we became librarians.

 

 

 

Welcome to the world of libraries!

 

 

 

 

               

     My first job -  1974                                                   Her first job - 2013

 

 

A picture is worth a thousand words!

 

 

 

 

My mother got a real kick out of my daughter. 

 

 

 

Once, when my mother was particularly complimentary about her, I said, "Just like me, huh, Mom?" 

 

To which she replied, "Yes, only better!" 

 

Mom!!!

 

But she was right.  Don't we wish our children to be better than we were, to do better than we did?

 

And now my daughter has parlayed her education and three years managing a retail store (while her husband finished up his Ph.D) into a library management position as her first job, something it took me three years into the profession to attain.

 

As the conductor of my own life, I have chosen to retire from the symphony I conducted for the last 40 years, pass my baton and bow to the next generation.

 

I know some of what lies ahead for her. May she enjoy it as I have.

 

Now I am on to my next symphony!

 

 

Have you passed your baton to someone?

 

 

 

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

 

 

 

See you Friday for a Thanksgiving Wrap-up!

 

                                          

                                                         Thanks for reading!

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The End of the Beginning and the Beginning of the Ending

Despite our 37 year age difference, I am struck by the parallels in my daughter's and my lives.

 

 

Both of us aspiring actresses who became librarians (what else do you do when you give up on acting?).
We both followed love and moved thousands of miles away from our families to start a new life.
We both quit jobs and moved somewhere where we knew no one to start a new career.

And now we both find ourselves at the same crossroads, but for very different reasons.

We are both currently unemployed - I because I have recently retired from a 40 year career; my daughter because she has just graduated from the University of Washington's online I School (they don't call them library schools anymore - not sexy enough). 

She is entering the library profession just as I am leaving it.

What will happen next?

As we work that out - I, how I will replace my working life with a meaningful retirement; my daughter, finding her first professional job - I am struck by the similarities in our situation. 

Some situations defy the 37 year generation gap.

Both of us spend time each day searching...she for a job, me for meaningful activities and purpose. 

We are both coping with bouts of boredom, depression, uncertainty, loneliness and stress that comes with starting a new phase of our lives. 

Speaking of the generation gap, the generation gap of the past was much different from what it is today. 

Though there is one to the extent that young people probably don't enjoy hanging out with old folks that much, baby boomers have a certain "street cred" to their children. My daughter and I can relate about many things - music (I mean, our kids are still listening to "our" music), social media, fashion, current events and work.

My mother and I had a 40 year age difference (I think I was one of "those" babies) and boy, you could tell.  She didn't understand rock & roll, she wouldn't have been involved in social media even if it existed then, she had very strict ideas about fashion (jeans were for farmers so I never wore jeans and, when I was in college, she once kicked me out of the house for going to the eye doctor in a very nice pants suit because "what would the neighbors think?) and her idea of current events was reading the evening paper.  As for work, my mother was a housewife.  Though she would wax poetic about the time she was the secretary to the bank president, when she married my father, she quit her job and did what most women did in the 1930's, she stayed at home and took care of the house and him.

So as I matured, my mother and I didn't have the same experiences to bond over.  Even when I had my first child, she remarked that she didn't even remember giving brith.  "They knocked me out," she said, and that was fine with her. She had a caesarean and swore that was the way to go.  I was born at exactly 10am so the doctor could get in a golf game. ( It's my understanding that many caesareans were scheduled around that in those days and there are many more like me born at exactly 10am).  She was 72 when I had my first child so by then she didn't have much advice for me, recognizing that things had changed.  She didn't go to college (though she lamented the fact), never had a career, her husband never cheated on her (as far as I know) and she never experienced divorce, all things that were part of my life.  She didn't get feminism, didn't believe in questioning authority and she would correct people's English, right to their faces.

I once gave her a subscription to Ms. Magazine so she could understand my feelings about feminism and what I was dealing with in my life and career. I wanted to share that with her.  Later, she very politely asked me not to renew the subscription because she didn't like the "bad words" in the magazine.  So much for her seeing through to the content - and to me for that matter. 

As for questioning authority and all of the protesting that took place in my youth, she would always say, "The President must know what he is doing," though when her friends' sons started dying in Vietnam, she was against the war.

But despite that, my mother's and my lives ran parallel to a certain degree. 

Just as I moved thousands of miles from home (which must have broken my mother's heart), so too did my daughter move far away.  Just as my mother had children late in life, so did I.  And now, as I think of her all alone after my father died, I can relate to some of what she must have been feeling because raising her children was the center of her life.  She never complained. Her generation kept a stiff upper lip, something us Baby Boomers aren't as good at. Well, I'm not, anyway.

Despite our differences and that generation gap, my mother was always there for me and I know she loved me.

So as I said, my daughter and I have more to relate to and our lives are currently in parallel.

My daughter's husband recently accepted a professorship in a new town, miles from where he and my daughter started their life together.  While she was in library school, she worked full-time as a manager in retail.  So she quit that job to follow her husband to his new job and now must adjust to unemployment and the stress of finding a job and embarking on her new career.

Almost ten years ago, I likewise quit a library management job to move from California to Seattle where we knew no one.  The reason?  Part financial, part adventure.  I was able to restart my career and have now retired.  But I too am looking for a new job - the job of retirement.

As we both make this transition, I am drawn back to my search for a first library job.  Like my daughter, I moved to a new place to start my search.  I centered my search in Northern California which was probably not such a smart move.  This was the mid-70's and it was one of those library job slumps that seem to happen every ten years or so, though my daughter should reap the benefits of baby boomers retiring.  When you restrict your job search to a specific area, you are already limiting your options.

In those days, I didn't have the benefit of some of the job searching tools my daughter can use.  There was no Internet.  I had to rely on print ads in library publications and going door-to-door.  Yes, we used to do that in those days.  Under the guise of "seeking information," we would make appointments with people whose jobs we wanted and try to get help and leads.  And we would even do "cold calls." My job hunting base was Berkeley and I will never forget driving up and down the Peninsula, stopping at libraries, cold calling, hoping to meet with the library managers in hopes of finding something.  One day I stopped at the Menlo Park Library and the librarian kindly met with me.  She was very kind but when I expressed my frustration considering I had been an all A student in library school and even won the highest academic award available, she looked at me sympathetically and said, "My dear, everyone has those credentials."  My bubble was burst.

I eventually ended up in a small County Library in rural Northern California, supposedly mostly populated by retired policemen from Orange County.  Not the best place in 1974 for a girl with frizzy hair, a penchant for hippie clothes and granny glasses and a decidedly liberal air.  For the interview, I tried my best to look "straight."  I bought a polyester wrap dress from Penneys, pulled my hair back and tried to look the part, but my friend laughed and said so matter what I tried to do, I would never look like a librarian. I can't tell you how many times people have said that to me over the years, "You don't look like a librarian."  I am not sure what that meant or what a librarian was supposed to look like, but deep down, I think I took that as a compliment, considering the poor image librarians had then and still do to a certain degree. 

"You don't look like a Librarian."

I went to the interview and must have done OK because I got the job, but I should have been warned by the fact that after the interview, as I was driving back to the Bay Area, drinking my diet Seven Up,  I was followed out of town by a local cop all the way to the County line. I guess he wanted to make sure that gol' darn stranger got out of Dodge. 

Though I was happy to start my career, that job wasn't a good fit since it was difficult to make friends, my college-graduate husband who had very long hair, was not able to find a decent job, and the marriage ended.  But when you are young and just starting out, you sometimes have to take what you can get and make the best of it.  I lasted there three years, and since it was a small library, I learned everything about running a library since I was called upon to do everything from children's story times to difficult reference questions to lugging books from branch to branch.  So when I moved on to a larger library system south of San Francisco, I was well-equipped to move up quickly, which I did. 

It wasn't until much later that the person who hired me for that first job told me she hired me mostly because I "would be good" for that town, meaning she thought they needed someone like me who was different. Thanks.  Didn't know that was in the job description and not recommended for a particularly happy life.  But she was lucky.  I was a good librarian.

My daughter is also limited in where she can find her new job. I hope she will have more options than I seemed to back then and that she doesn't take the first thing that comes along if it doesn't feel like a good fit.

At some point my daughter will find a job and embark on her career, and I wish her the opportunities I have had to make a difference.  A library career is a meaningful one.

So when my daughter gets a job her "beginning" will end.  She will be off and running.

Now that I have retired from my career, my "ending" has begun.

But that just starts the cycle again, because our lives are full of new beginnings.  Every day is an opportunity for a new beginning.

At some point, my daughter will find the perfect job and I will find my true calling and these days of uncertainty will be behind for both of us.

And then our lives will take off in a different direction again.

I just hope that one day our directions will lead us closer together.

 

 

 

 

 

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