Friday, December 20, 2013

The Worst Movies of 2013

The Holiday Season is also the movie season.

Many Hollywood blockbusters open on Christmas Day and for many families, going to the movies on Christmas is a holiday tradition.  Also movie production companies are releasing their films in time for Oscar consideration.

So since I have been traveling to visit family and trying to get all of my holiday tasks completed, I haven't been watching as many DVDs or going to the movies, so instead of my usual Friday Week in Reviews, I thought I would take a break and weigh in on the worst films of 2013 (I will make my Oscar predictions later this month) in my usual trenchant, insightful and opinionated way.  These are films you don't even want to see on DVD.  Trust me.

Yahoo put out a Ten Worst Movies of 2013 list and checking on some others, most lists seem to mostly concur with this one, so see what you think.


I have added a few of mine so it's actually the
15 Worst Movies of 2013.




1.  A Good Day to Die Hard


John McClane travels to Russia to help out his son who turns out to be a CIA operative.  We sure don't know our kids very well, do we?

Rosy the Reviewer says...Die Hard 1 and 2 were actually quite good, but you beat something to death enough and it dies...hard!



2.  Movie 43


A series of interconnected short films follows a washed-up producer as he pitches insane story lines featuring some of the biggest stars in Hollywood.

Rosy the Reviewer says... what happens when you put Emma Stone, Richard Gere, Elizabeth Banks, Dennis Quaid, Greg Kinnear, Hugh Jackman, Kate Winslet, Liev Schreiber, Anna Faris, Chris Pratt, Naomi Watts, Kate Bosworth, Halle Berry and Uma Thurman together (and there were more big stars). 

Unbelievably...crap, that's what.



3.  After Earth


Will Smith and son in a sci-fi adventure.

Rosy the Reviewer says...there is a reason there are nepotism rules.




4.  The Lone Ranger


An attempt to revive the old classic TV show.

Rosy the Reviewer says...it didn't work.
When Johnny Depp is unrecognizable, what's the point?




5.  Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters


Hansel & Gretel are bounty hunters who track and kill witches all over the world.

Rosy the Reviewer says...It's campy and the special effects are hoaky but, I didn't actually mind this one.  If you like TV shows like "Once Upon a Time" and "Grimm," you might actually like this one.




6.  Machete Kills


Machete is actually a person and is recruited by the U.S. Government to take down an arms dealer in Mexico who wants to launch a weapon into space.


Rosy the Reviewer says...Sophia Vergara's machine gun bra says it all.




7.  Grown-ups 2


Three years after the first "Grown Ups," Lenny moves back to the town where he grew up and crazy stuff happens.

Rosy the Reviewer says...we didn't like this puerile, moronic humor the first time.  Why make another?




8.  Oldboy


Josh Brolin sets out to discover why he was kidnapped and kept in solitary confinement for 20 years and to seek revenge.  This is a remake of the 2003 mystery thriller film directed by Park Chan-wook.

Rosy the Reviewer says...I am not a fan of remaking perfectly good films just because the first one was not in English.  "The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" is a case in point.   But at least the American remake was OK on that one. 

Spike, Spike, what happened?  Why remake a perfectly good film and then remake it badly?  I expect more of you.






9.  The Canyons

You have Bret Easton Ellis as writer and Paul Schrader directing this tale of mind games and bloody violence.  What happened?

Rosy the Reviewer says...someone must have pitched this as "We have Lindsay Lohan, we can't lose."




10.  The Hangover III


The Wolf Pack is back.

Rosy the Reviewer says... Once again, if you have something good like the first Hangover film, let's keep making it over and over and over.  No one will notice it's really bad.  Not!

In France this was called "The Very Bad Day," and that's what you will have if you see this film.



Now I have to add a few of my own:




11.  Only God Forgives


Ryan Gosling plays a drug smuggler in Bangkok who goes on a blood bath revenge spree to avenge his brother death. (I reviewed this in my blog "Will Your Husband Cheat? and the Week in Reviews November 1, 2013)

Rosy the Reviewer says...And Ryan, I hope God forgives you for this bloody mess.






12.  The Big Wedding


A long-divorced couple fakes being married as their family unites for a wedding in what is supposed to be a comedy.

Rosy the Reviewer says...You may ask, how can a film with Robert DeNiro, Diane Keaton, Robin Williams, Katherine Heigl and Amanda Seyfried go so terribly wrong?  Don't ask.  It just does.




13.  The Counselor


 A drug deal goes terribly wrong and everyone pays.  (I first reviewed this film in my blog "Will your husband cheat?")

Rosy the Reviewer says...this is one of those films where you just know something really, really gruesome is coming.  And it does...over and over.  You expect more from writer Cormac McCarthy.







Another installment in the Iron Man franchise. (I first reviewed this in my Week in Reviews October 11, 2013).

Rosy the Reviewer says...Smart ass Super Heroes are annoying.



15.  To the Wonder


After falling in love in Paris, a couple moves to Oklahoma. (I first reviewed this in my blog "Baby Boomer Fashion Show.")

Rosy the Reviewer says... Moral:  Don't move to Oklahoma from Paris. Terrence Malick films can be real yawn fests.  And this is one.



What do you think of this list? 
Any to add?


Take a break from your holiday stress and weigh in.


See you Tuesday for a Baby Boomer's
Christmas Eve Memories.

Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it and/or email it to your friends

Friday, December 13, 2013

Alone for the Holidays: A Checklist and The Week in Reviews

I just about had a heart attack when I realized there were only two more Saturdays until Christmas. But then I realized we were going to be alone this year anyway and I guess Saturdays don't really matter that much anymore to me since I am retired.  Every day is Saturday.  But I still get nervous about getting everything done.

Here is what I have already done.

Sent out holiday cards.  Check
I griped about the lost art of correspondence in an earlier blog  so I take my own advice.  I don't believe in the annual "bragging" letters so many people send out.  I like hearing from my friends but reading about their dog's graduation from obedience school or little Jimmy's home run last April isn't my cup of tea.  What I do want to hear is that I have been a good friend.  So that's what I try to do each year when I send out my cards.  I write a little personal note letting my friends know what they mean to me or I remind them of a happy memory that includes them.  All in all, it doesn't really take that much more time than that long, typed, impersonal letter.  By the way, did I tell you my son made partner in his law firm?  Oops.

All of the trees are up and decorated.  Check
Yes, I said "all."  Not sure how it happened but we have a tree in the living room, tree in the family room and trees in the bedrooms.  Two are real.


Living room tree. 

Real tree in old fashioned decorations topped off with red velvet bows.

(2016 Update - the living room tree is now a fake tree with a new look)

 


Family room tree. 
 
Real tree in gold and white accented by pieces of ribbon.  My more sophisticated effort.  And yes, that's a large Beatles poster behind it.  I told you I was a fan. ( Remember my blog, "Why the Beatles Matter?")


Bedroom tree. 
 Fake tree with all of the leftover ornaments.  But it's comforting to have a little tree in the bedroom since I spend so much time there.

There are also little trees in the guest rooms.




Decorations are up.  Check




Presents to those far away have been sent.  Check.


So that is what I have done so far.

But it is actually a rather sad exercise as we will be all alone this Christmas. 

Those three stockings on the right are for our dogs. Our two children will be spending Christmas with their other families this year.


I still need to

  • Buy decorative empty boxes so it will look like we have presents under the trees.

  • Get out the dogs' holidays sweaters and Santa costumes.  At least we have them.

  • Bake.  No one will be around to see you get fatter, so what's the diff?

  • Watch Lifetime Christmas movies and cry.

But then, after the "to do" list is done...

Get over it, throw a party and then head off to some great place!




Like Paris!


Are you going to be alone this Christmas? 
If so, what are your plans?



Now on to the Week in Reviews.

It's been a slow week because of the holidays.

 

It's Nazi Germany right before WWII and young Liesel is being fostered by the Hubermanns, a German couple.  When she arrives, she can't read but has kept a book to remind her of her dead brother.  She learns to read and finds solace in stealing books and reading them to others, especially the young Jewish man the family is hiding.

When Geoffrey Rush and Emily Watson are starring you can usually expect some good acting.  Unfortunately the characters are stereotypical and the script and dialog is a bit of a jumble.  This film is an adaption of the best-selling and award winning book by Marcus Zusak and appears to be suffering from the translation.  Trying to pack everything from a book into a two-hour film sometimes doesn't work.  It didn't here.

Rosy the Reviewer says...Good intentions, but just misses the mark.  Wait for it on DVD if you still want to see it.



***DVDS***
Movies You Might Have Missed
And some you will be glad you did!
(I see the bad ones so you don't have to)

Hapless failed NYC playwright stages a fake suicide to get her boyfriend back only to end up back home with her gambling addicted mother.

The jury is still out on Kristin Wiig in romantic comedies.  She is a brilliant comedienne, but she struggles with the pathos.  Annette Bening is the star here.  I always forget what a good actress she is and here she plays against type as a floozy.

Rosy the Reviewer says...See it for Bening's performance and a few laughs.

True story of an Alaskan State Trooper who joins forces with a young woman, who was almost a victim of a serial killer, and together they bring him to justice.

It's up in the air about Nicholas Cage's acting, but here he does quite well.  On the other hand, there is no question that John Cusack is a consummate actor and here he is slimy and twitchy as befits the serial killer, Robert Hanson.  And it's all very frozen and cold and Alaska-like, as it should be.

Rosy the Reviewer says...Wasn't expecting much.  But this film delivered beyond expectations.  A recommended crime thriller.

A journalist and his girlfriend get pulled in while they investigate a cult whose leader claims to be from the future.

I am a big fan of Brit Marling, who co-wrote this screenplay.  She also co- wrote and starred in The East and Another Earth, two other very interesting indie films.

Rosy the Reviewer says...See this for Marling.


***Book of the Week***


Johnny Carson by Henry Bushkin (2013)



An inside look at the enigmatic, fiercely private Carson by his lawyer and friend.

It makes me sad to think that the current generation probably doesn't know who Johnny Carson was, but for Baby Boomers, he was a welcome addition to our homes late at night.  I know he kept me company many a night while my husband was in Vietnam.  He hosted "The Tonight Show" for 30 years (1962-1992) and was the highest paid performer of his day. I sometimes have a problem with biographies about people who are dead as there is no way to know the truth behind the dish, but Bushkin was there for much of Johnny's career and he has a lot to share, such as Carson's womanizing, sometimes heartlessness toward his family and a run-in with the mob.  However, it's a bit heavy on the business side of Carson's life and career (divorce settlements and contract negotiations), but I guess that's to be expected since this guy was his attorney and business manager.

Rosy the Reviewer says...He was one-of-a-kind.  If you are not that familiar with him, a better "starter" book might be Lawrence Leamer's "King of the Night."  Check your local library.



That's it for this week.

See you Tuesday!


And Happy Holidays!


Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it and/or email it to your friends.



Tuesday, December 10, 2013

A Holiday Carol...with apologies to Charles Dickens

Ebenezer Scrooge was in a bad mood as he headed to his office. He was always in a bad mood.

He encountered his nephew Fred.

Fred: Happy Holidays, Uncle! I’m off to the library!

Scrooge: Bah, Humbug! What right do you have to be happy? You’re poor enough. And what do you want with the library? What good is it to you?

Fred (laughing): And what right have you to be dismal, Uncle? You’re rich enough.

Scrooge: (grumbling) What else can I be, when I live in such a world of fools as this? Happy Holidays. What are the holidays but a time for paying bills without money; a time for finding yourself a year older, but not an hour richer?

Fred: All the more reason to go to the library, Uncle. When times are hard, the library is a good place to go. I am getting some DVDs, which I can borrow for not a pence and I can use their computers to print out my holiday greetings. I am going out of town, so I am also going to check out some audio books to listen to on the plane. But join us for our holiday dinner. Good day, Uncle!

As Scrooge enters his business premises, two other people follow him in. They are portly gentlemen and stand with their hats off in Scrooge’s office.

Gentleman #1: Scrooge and Marley’s, I believe. Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr. Scrooge or Mr. Marley?

Scrooge: Mr. Marley has been dead these seven years. He died seven years ago this very night.

Gentleman #2: We are from the Friends of the Library and are asking for donations to fund our classes and programs. At this festive season of the year, Mr. Scrooge, it is more than usually desirable that we should have events and activities to benefit those in our community who are finding these economic times difficult and, who suffer greatly at the present time due to the bad economy. Many thousands are in want of common necessaries, hundreds of thousands are in want of common comforts. Coming to the library is of great comfort to many.

Scrooge: Are there no prisons? And the workhouses? Are they still in operation?

Gentleman #1: (cautiously) Both very busy, sir.

Scrooge: Good. I was afraid from what you said that something had occurred to stop them in their useful course. I’m very glad to hear it.

Gentleman #2. But people would rather die than go there.

Scrooge: Then they should do it and decrease the surplus population.

Gentleman #1: (thinking Scrooge is joking): We choose this time of year because it is a time when Want is keenly felt. What shall we put you down for?”

Scrooge: Nothing.

Gentleman #2: (hopefully) You wish to remain anonymous?

Scrooge: I wish to be left alone. Since you ask me what I wish, gentlemen, that is my answer. I don’t make merry during the holidays and I can’t afford to make idle people merry. I help to support the establishments I have mentioned – they cost enough; and those who are badly off must go there. Who cares about libraries? Now leave my premises.

That evening, Scrooge takes his melancholy dinner in his usual melancholy tavern and reads all the newspapers, and beguiles the rest of the evening with his banker’s book and then goes home to bed. He lives in chambers which had once belonged to his deceased partner, Jacob Marley. They are a gloomy suite of rooms that suit Scrooge’s personality.
As the candles flicker, Scrooge nods off to sleep --- only to be awakened by a clanking noise, as if some person were dragging a heavy chain. The door flies open and he beholds an apparition.

Scrooge: Who are you? What do you want with me?

Ghost: I am Marley’s ghost.

Scrooge: What? You’re not Jacob Marley.

Ghost: Jacob Marley? I thought they said Bob Marley.

Scrooge: Well my partner’s name was Jacob Marley.

Ghost: Whatever, mon. The message will be the same and here it is.

(reciting) It is required of every man that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellowmen and travel far and wide and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. I wear the chain I forged in life. I never walked beyond our counting-house in life and never believed in the power of libraries. Seven years dead and travelling all the time. The whole time. No rest, no peace, incessant torture of remorse, because I spent all of that money on Netflix when I could have had DVDs for free or that I never learned how to use a computer because I didn’t know the library had free classes.

Scrooge: Huh?

Ghost: (shaking his head) Basically, mon, Marley didn’t live a very nice life, never helped anyone, lived only for himself and didn’t get it that libraries are life-changers and would have saved him all of that precious money he cared so much about. But you have a chance to change that. 


(getting back into character)

Scrooge, you will be haunted by Three Spirits. Without their visits you cannot hope to shun the path I tread. Expect the first tomorrow when the bell tolls One.

And the spirit disappears. Scrooge feels a draft, shivers and closes the window. He examines the door by which the ghost had entered. It is double-locked and the bolts undisturbed.

Scrooge: Hum…


He stops after the first syllable, goes straight to bed and falls asleep upon the instant.
Suddenly, the curtains of his bed are drawn aside and Scrooge finds himself face to face with another ghost.





Scrooge: Are you the Spirit, sir, whose coming was foretold to me?



Ghost:
I am.

Scrooge: What and who are you?

Ghost: I am the Ghost of Years Past.

Scrooge: Long Past?

Ghost: Your past. Rise and walk with me.

All of a sudden in the blink of an eye, Scrooge and the spirit are standing outside looking up at a large brick building.


Scrooge: This was my boyhood library!

Ghost: You recollect the way?

Scrooge: Remember it, I could walk it blindfold.

They walk around the library, Scrooge recognizing his favorite childhood books.

Scrooge: The library is deserted
.



Ghost: The library is not quite deserted. A solitary child, neglected by his family, is left there still.

(The Spirit touches Scrooge on the arm and points to his younger self intent upon his reading.)



Suddenly they are surrounded by storybook characters: Curious George and The Wild Things from “Where the Wild Things Are.".


Scrooge: I had forgotten what a lonely boy I was and how the library was a place I went to escape that loneliness and the misery of my family. All of those lovely books. Without the library, I would have been miserable indeed. The library saved me.

A beautiful and glamorous librarian appears.



Librarian: Happy Holidays, Young Scrooge. Here is the last book in the Hunger Games series. I saved it for you.

Scrooge: (his face lighting up) She was always so welcoming and wonderful to me. She smashed the librarian stereotype. She never wore a bun or practical shoes and never shushed me. All of the library staff were welcoming and friendly people. And the place was so alive, full of people using the computers, attending the classes and events, gathering with their neighbors…

Ghost: A small matter, to make these silly folks so full of gratitude.

Scrooge: Small?

Ghost: (Looking at Scrooge sincerely) People spend but a few pounds of mortal money for library service. Is that so much that they deserve this praise?

Scrooge: It isn’t that…The happiness and help they give is quite as great as if it cost a fortune. Books and the teen programs at the library helped me through some sad and lonely times. And where else can you go to find information on all sides of a subject and not be judged? The library protects our rights to information and is the backbone of what makes this country great.
But somehow I lost my way.
Spirit…show me no more. Conduct me home. Why do you delight to torture me?

The spirit disappears under the door in a burst of light. Scrooge is overcome by drowsiness and barely has time to reel to bed before he sinks into a heavy sleep.

Scrooge jolts awake from a prodigious snore. A strange voice calls him by name. A light shines from an adjoining room. A woman who bids him enter.


Ghost:

I am the Ghost of the Present.



She is clothed in a green robe and jewels, but her nametag clearly indicates she is a librarian.

Ghost: You have never seen the like of me before.

Scrooge: No, actually I recognized you as a librarian right away. I am used to glamorous librarians.

Ghost: Touch my robe.

As Scrooge does so the room disappears and they stand in the threshold of Bob Cratchit’s dwelling. Bob Cratchit is Scrooge’s employee. Mrs. Cratchit is there dressed out but poorly in a twice-turned gown but brave in ribbons.
 
She is laying the table with her daughter and two smaller Cratchits are also there. Bob Cratchit appears with Little Tiny Tarquin on his shoulder. Bob is sad and Little Tiny Tarquin is crying.




Scrooge: Spirit, tell me what is wrong with Little Tiny Tarquin?

Ghost: You cut Bob Crachit’s hours and he was no longer able to keep up his car payments. They no longer have a car to get to the library and they can’t afford bus fare either because of the meager wages Bob receives. Little Tiny Tarquin worries that he will not do well in school if he doesn’t get to attend the Ready Reader story times at the library. He doesn’t want to start kindergarten without the same skills that other children will have. I see a vacant seat in the poor chimney corner. If these shadows remain unaltered by the Future, the child will not succeed in kindergarten or in life.

Scrooge: No, no. Oh, no, Spirit, say he will be spared.

Ghost: Let him go to the prisons and the workhouses and decrease the surplus population.

Scrooge hangs his head when hearing his own words quoted by the Spirit.

Suddenly the bells toll and as the last stroke ceases to vibrate, Scrooge remembers the prediction of Bob Marley and lifting up his eyes, beholds a solemn Phantom, draped and hooded, coming like a mist along the ground towards him. It is shrouded in a dark garment, which conceals its head, its form and leaves nothing of it visible save its nose and one outstretched paw…er, hand.



Scrooge: Am I in the presence of the Ghost of What is Yet To Come?
You are about to show me shadows of the things that have not happened, but will happen in the time before us. Is that so, Spirit? Ghost of the Future, I fear you more than any specter I have seen. Will you not speak to me?

The Ghost remains silent and leads Scrooge through the darkened town. The Spirit stops beside one little knot of business men.

Man: No, I don’t know much about it, either way. I only know all of the libraries have been closed.

Man 2: When did they close? What happened? I thought they would be there forever.

Man: So did I. But no one supported them and they disappeared.

The spirit leads Scrooge to a dark building. The Phantom’s claw points to a sign.

Scrooge: Before I draw nearer to that sign to which you point, answer me one question. Are these the shadows of the things that WILL be or are they shadows of things that MAY be?

Scrooge creeps towards the sign, trembling as he goes; and following the pointing claw reads upon the sign

LIBRARY CLOSED.

Scrooge: Oh, no, Spirit, no. Spirit, hear me. I am not the man I was. Why show me this, if I am past all hope? I will honor libraries in my heart and support them all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present and the Future. Oh, tell me I may sponge away the writing on that sign.

Holding up his hands, Scrooge sees an alteration in the Phantom’s hood and dress. It shrinks, collapses and dwindles down into his bedpost.

Scrooge: They are not closed. They are here—I am here—the shadows of the things that would have been may be dispelled. They will be, I know they will.


Scrooge dresses and sets out to town. He has not gone far when coming on towards him he beholds the portly gentlemen from the Friends of the Library who had walked into his counting house the day before.

Scrooge: My dear sirs. How do you do? I hope you succeeded yesterday. If you please, accept this donation to the Friends of the Library. And I would love to support my library in any way possible.

Gentleman: I don’t know what to say about such munificence.

Scrooge: Don’t say anything please. Come and see me. I would like to be active in your group.

Scrooge then heads to his nephew, Fred's, home.

Scrooge: (knocking on Fred's door) Fred, Fred, let me in. I've come to watch the Dr. Who Holiday Special with you!

The next day, Scrooge is early to his office. If he could only be here first and catch Bob Cratchit coming late. That was the thing he had set his heart upon. And Bob was late.


Scrooge: (growling but hiding a grin) What do you mean by coming here at this time of day?

Bob: I am very sorry, sir. I am behind my time. It’s only once a year, sir. It shall not be repeated. I was making rather merry yesterday, sir.

Scrooge: Now, I’ll tell you what, my friend. I am not going to stand this sort of thing any longer…and therefore I am about to raise your salary! I will raise your salary and endeavor to assist your struggling family. I want to take Little Tiny Tarquin to the library. They have family story times that would be fun for all of us to go to. And we can take him to the Ready Reader story times so he can get ready for kindergarten. We want him to succeed, don’t we, Bob. And I want you to improve your computer skills. They have free classes.

Scrooge couldn’t stop talking about the library and he was better than his word. He did it all, and infinitely more.


He became a library champion!

He shared his enthusiasm with everyone he encountered. And he became a donor to the Library Foundation which supports library programs and services. 


And to Little Tiny Tarquin he was a second father. He enjoyed attending the Ready Reader story times with him. Some people laughed to see the alteration in him, but he let them laugh and little heeded them: for he was wise enough to know that nothing ever happened on this globe, for good, at which some people did not have their fill of laughter in the outset. His own heart laughed; and that was quite enough for him.

Scrooge had no further visits from Spirits but lived upon the principle that libraries mattered ever afterwards; and it was always said of him, that he knew how to keep the holidays well, if any man alive possessed the knowledge. 


And so, as Little Tiny Tarquin observed,






Arf, Arf, Arf, Arf, Arf Arf!”

Happy Holidays everyone!

(I wrote this blog for Sno-Isle Libraries in 2011 and like to share it every year to remind us all how important libraries are to our quality of life).

Why not make a New Year's Resolution to support your local libraries?

See you Friday for the Week in Reviews
and more!



Thanks for reading!
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to share it and/or email it to your friends.