Tuesday, February 3, 2015

What I Have Learned From Beauty Pageants

Well, to be truthful I haven't really leaned anything unless you count the fact that I know pageant contestants put Vaseline on their upper teeth so that their upper lip will slide easily up so they can keep smiling for long periods of time and they have special tape that keeps their bikinis from slipping into their butt cracks.  All good advice, I guess.

But basically I haven't really learned anything from beauty pageants.  I was just being provocative and luring you to my blog so that I could talk about myself.  Because that is what I do on this blog on Tuesdays. Sometimes I rant about stuff too.  I mean, it's my blog after all.

But I did just watch the Miss Universe Pageant last week. 

Once again Miss Colombia won. It's usually between Miss Colombia and Miss Venezuela.  And I am not going to apologize for watching it, despite the fact that I consider myself a feminist. In the 70's I read "Sexual Politics," and it changed my life, and I called men out at the drop of a hat if they said anything the slightest bit sexist. I made sure my son took home economics in school so he would know how to cook and iron and not impose himself on a woman (though I later found out he was going to take it anyway because it was a good way to meet girls).  I went to women's support groups and started one myself.  I believe in a woman's right to decide what happens to her body and fair pay, something that we women have yet to achieve.

But I never blamed beauty pageants for why women didn't have equality.

I come from a generation where the Miss America Pageant was an EVENT.  As a little girl I would beg my mother to stay up so I could watch, saying I would take a nap to make up for it (I never did, take the nap I mean).  My mother and I would watch together and then I would fantasize about being a beauty pageant contestant or a model.

Here I am at the age of seven in my one and only modeling gig for the local women's club.  I think I have the pose down pretty well.



By the time I went to the senior prom, I really had it down!  Though I could have used some of that Vaseline on my teeth for a big wide smile.
 



When I had my own daughter, she and I would watch too, and we especially enjoyed dishing about the contestants' evening gowns.  It was a nice bonding time.

Ever since I can remember, I would have a pad and pencil and try to determine who the winner would be. I enjoyed it as a competition and acting as one of the judges. I still do that, though now I tend to fast forward through the swimsuit section and all of the fluff.  I can watch a three hour beauty pageant in under an hour (thank you, TIVO!)

Growing up, my Dad played  the trumpet in several bands and orchestras around town and he was usually called upon to play at the Miss Michigan Pageant, which took place in our town.  In those days, Miss America would usually make an appearance.  I think I got to attend once, but when I didn't my Dad would get me autographs.  He was a great Dad like that, but I think he also liked pretty women. In fact, I know he did.

 
(Nancy Fleming was actually a Miss Michigan before becoming Miss America).

 
Miss America 1962: Maria Fletcher
 
 
 
 


But this one is my favorite:  "Remember a smile's very important -- it makes every gal a queen!"
 
Not bad advice.  What a nice young woman to add the personal touch.  Very nice manners. I wonder whatever happened to Miss Muskegon 1961 and calling women "gals?" 
 
I was always amazed at how mature these women looked in the pageants.  Even when I was their age, I thought they were much older. I guess I just wasn't as polished.

But I also didn't feel like I had to compete with these women.  Watching the pageants was fun. I was fascinated with that world, but not driven to participate. Sure, I wanted to be beautiful like those women, but it didn't scar me or do any more damage than reading Seventeen Magazine.  Actually, when I think about it, Seventeen Magazine scarred me more, probably responsible for starting me on the road to my clothes addiction.  

Beauty pageants have gotten a bad rap.

For some reason they were always the centerpiece of protests within the women's movement.  Even as late as the 1980's, they were being targeted.  Remember the Miss Santa Cruz contestant who infiltrated the Miss California contest just so she could pull a banner out on stage that said "Pageants hurt all women?"  She said she had dieted, taken voice lessons and spent $5000 just so she would have the opportunity to protest in this way (you can read about it here).  She also said she thought she was going to win (See?  Even she wasn't immune to the competitive element). 

Pageants hurt all women?

Look at all of the women who have benefited from beauty pageants:



Vanessa Williams, Miss America 1983 - the first African American Miss America.

(I know, she lost her crown for some risqué photos, but then she went on to have a successful singing and acting career)



Halle Berry was Miss Teen All American in 1985 and Miss Ohio in 1986 where she was first runner-up in the Miss USA Pageant.



Successful journalist and TV anchor Diane Sawyer was Junior Miss 1963 and Paula Zahn was Miss Teenage America 1973. 



Gretchen Carlson was Miss America in 1989 and whether or not you like her politics, she was a Stanford graduate and studied at Oxford.

And finally, yes, even my beloved Oprah was a product of the beauty pageant world.  In 1971 she won the Miss Fire Prevention contest in Nashville, which might seem like a petty title, but it led to her first job reading the news.  She was later crowned Miss Black Tennessee and competed in the Miss Black America pageant.  (Why they had separate contests for black women is a whole different blog post).


And there have been many more successful and powerful women who have come from beauty pageants.

It takes talent, drive and a strong sense of self worth to compete in these pageants. These women have attributes far greater than their physical appearance. The Miss America Pageant is the only one that requires a "talent," but even in the pageants that are more about beauty, such as Miss USA and Miss Universe, the contestants are already accomplished women: often lawyers, teachers and other professionals.  In Venezuela, the contest is a national obsession and contest winners have gone on to become powerful politicians. But even if a woman is the best baton twirler in the world, she comes to the pageant with a charity or cause she is passionate about.

I don't see these women as airheads who are relying solely on their beauty to make their way in the world, despite some of the incredibly strange answers they sometimes give to the question asked at the end of the pageant.  But think about it, especially in the Miss Universe contest where English is not the first language for many of these women.  A question about how to solve the world's problems is thrown at them and they are supposed to answer it in 30 seconds or less.  I am not sure my answer would be very good either. Though there certainly have been some bad gaffes such as the time one contestant did not know the capital of Nevada -- AND SHE WAS MISS NEVADA!  But that's half the fun of these things. 

Maybe some of these women will go off and change the world and maybe they won't. That is life in a nutshell.  Some of us are world changers; some of us aren't. 

But even if these women were using their beauty to get ahead, I don't really have a problem with that.  If you are a beautiful woman, why not let that help you get ahead? We all use what we have been given. Most of these women are taking this route to fund their college educations and causes they are passionate about.  And if this helps them do that, then more power to them. If anything, it should motivate other women to get out there in the world and try to do something.

Certainly pageants have been a jumping off point for many successful women to fund their education or to promote their causes and careers, but it doesn't matter what their reasons for being there were. Women have a right to find their way however they need to. And at its very least, it's an evening of watching pretty women parade around in pretty dresses (like I said, I whiz through the swimsuit part) and answering some silly questions.  It's nothing to get your knickers in a twist about.

So actually, I HAVE learned something from beauty pageants.  I have learned that in the fight for equality, these women are not the problem. 

The woman in the Santa Cruz pageant said she was "exposing the lies," lies such as "women like to be judged by men and to duct tape their breasts."  Yes, women in beauty pageants employ little tricks to make themselves look better, but don't we do that in real life as well?  As for being judged by men, beauty pageants are not just judged by men.  And we like duct taping our breasts?  I think not.

And as for being judged period, welcome to the world. I know there is the argument about this impossible standard of beauty we woman are held to, but again, life itself is a little contest that holds us to impossible standards, sometimes from our bosses, our friends, our children, even our spouses.  It's up to us to set our own standards.

I say, if you consider yourself a feminist, be one and take action to make this world a better and more fair place for women and stop blaming other women who participate in these pageants, or like me, who like to watch them.  I have been watching beauty pageants all of my life and that has not changed my views on equality for women or adversely affected my body image.

But, hey, does this blog make me look fat?


Thanks for Reading! 


 
See you Friday 

for my review of the movie
 
"Boyhood,"
 
The Week in Reviews,

 as well as my progress on

"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project."






 

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Friday, January 30, 2015

"Cake" and The Week in Reviews

[I review the new movie "Cake" and the DVDs "No Good Deed," "Love is Strange" and "Jimi: All is By My Side" and the book "Part Swan, Part Goose," actress Swoosie Kurtz's memoir.   I also bring you up to date on "My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project" with the classics: "Bigger Than Life" and "Au Hasard Balthasar" ]

Cake

 
Following a car accident, Claire is in chronic and psychic pain.

We first encounter Claire (Jennifer Anniston) at a chronic pain support group.  Everyone is sharing how they feel about the recent suicide of one of their members, Nina (Anna Kendrick).  The group leader, Annette (Felicity Huffman), wants them all to speak directly to a picture of Nina about how they feel.  When it is Claire's turn, she doesn't want to do the exercise at first, but when prompted by Annette lashes out by describing Nina's suicide (she jumped off a highway overpass) in a graphically black humor sort of way, upsetting the rest of the group. She is later told by Annette that she isn't right for the group and please don't come back.  We get it.  Claire is not a happy camper.

Claire is looked after by her housekeeper, Sylvana, beautifully played by Adriana Barraza, and Claire isn't very nice to her either.  We discover that Claire lives alone, except for Sylvana, is estranged from her husband, is addicted to her pain pills and has the occasional shag with the pool boy, which, I have to say, was a kind of unbelievable blip in this otherwise realistic little indie film. If I was in the kind of pain Claire appears to be in, sex would be the last thing on my mind.

It becomes clear that being in constant pain can do all kinds of things to one's mind, but then there is also the psychic pain of guilt and loss which Claire is also feeling because her little son died in the accident. She is addicted to her pain pills and a typical evening appears to be popping pills, followed by a bottle of wine. She doesn't seem to want to live and it doesn't help that she keeps getting visited by the ghost of Nina who keeps urging her to also end her life.  Claire becomes a bit obsessed with Nina, even going so far as to visit her husband.  She gets the address by blackmailing Annette, telling her if she doesn't give her Nina's address, she will sue for being kicked out of the group.  When she arrives at Nina's house, she pretends she used to live there and Nina's husband, Roy (Sam Worthington) plays along even though Annette has already called him to let him know Claire was coming.  They form a wary alliance, each eventually helping the other with their psychic pain.

Never having been a big Jennifer Anniston fan, I wanted to see what the buzz was about with this performance (she was nominated for a Golden Globe and many think she was robbed by not getting an Oscar nod).  Was it just another beautiful actress playing a part without makeup and getting props for that?  Which begs the question, if you are a beautiful actress, do you have to take off your makeup to get recognition for your acting (think Charlize Theron)?  

No, makeup or no makeup, Anniston was quite wonderful in this difficult role.  None of her Rachel Green mannerisms were apparent here (which often leak into her performances) and she was completely believable in portraying a woman in constant pain.  Adriana Barraza was a  revelation, though, as the sympathetic housekeeper.  I hope to see her in more English language films and Felicity Huffman, though playing a small role, was also a standout.  Huffman's husband, William H. Macy, also makes a brief appearance as the cause of Anniston's accident.  Sam Worthington was deliciously scruffy and charismatic.

There is a lot of dark humor in the script by Patrick Tobin, and director Daniel Barnz has captured the grey world of a woman who has to find the will to live, but not much happens beyond Claire working her way through all of that pain.  Claire is covered in physical scars which looked very realistic, so props to the makeup people, and props to Anniston for showing Claire's psychic scars so effectively.

Rosy the Reviewer says... the film was kind of a pain, but an Oscar worthy performance by Anniston makes it worth it.
 


***DVDS***
You Might Have Missed
(And Some You Will Be Glad You Did)

 
 
No Good Deed (2014)
 
 
 
Taraji P. Henson is terrorized by Idris Elba in a paint by numbers thriller.
 
Colin Evans (Idris) is up for parole after spending five years for a manslaughter charge.  He is denied parole (because he's a bad, bad man), but escapes from the van on the way back to prison from his hearing.  He is wounded in the course of his escape and heads out of Knoxville toward Atlanta.
 
Switch to Terri in her nice suburban house in Atlanta, her lawyer husband and her two little kids. Terri used to be a district attorney but now stays home with the kids.  Guess what is going to happen?  If you watch enough Lifetime Movies, you know. Terry opens the door to help Colin, who says he has been in a car accident and needs to use the phone and things don't look so good for Terri because, as I said, Colin is a bad, bad man.

The thriller/Lifetime Movie clichés abound here:  Naturally, it's a dark and stormy night; Terri's girlfriend who figures out the plot, but too late, gets whacked before she can warn our heroine; you think the bad guy is dead but then he jumps up for a cheap thrill; the cop arrives and should put an end to this travesty but is too clueless to get the drift in time; and finally the cat and mouse game between Terri and Colin as he cuts the electricity, hides all the knives and stomps about after Terri not realizing Terri is not going to give up easily.

Colin did not randomly target Terri.  There is a plot twist at the end that you can see coming from miles away.

Elba and Henson are terrifically good actors, but even they are not able to get us to suspend disbelief. One wonders what drew them to this film. Elba must have wanted to shake off his noble image as Nelson Mandela in "Mandela:  The Long Walk to Freedom."  Not sure why Henson wanted to be part of this mess.
 
Rosy the Reviewer says...I've said this all of my life - "No good deed goes unpunished" - and I felt like I was being punished watching this film. 
 
 
 
 
 
Long term couple, Ben and George, finally get married, but then Ben loses his job and they lose their apartment, forcing them to live separately until they find a new place which proves difficult for everyone involved.
 
Ben (John Lithgow) and George (Alfred Molina) are a middle-aged gay couple who are finally able to get married after 39 years together. They live in a lovely NYC apartment with loving family and friends.  George is a music teacher at a Catholic school and when the school finds out he is married, they fire him for going against the school's principals, despite the fact he had worked there for nine years and everyone knew he was gay.  Turns out getting married is like screaming that fact from the rooftops and the school just couldn't have that.  (Interestingly, this very thing happened here in Seattle).
 
So with limited funds between them, Ben and George need to find a place to live. While they are trying to figure that out, they each end up in separate accommodation:  George with a young gay couple and Ben with his nephew and his family.
 
It doesn't take long to realize this arrangement is taking its toll on all parties.  Ben becomes an irritant to his nephew's wife, played by Marisa Tomei, who is a writer and is used to working alone without interruptions.  George sleeps on the couch of his single neighbors apartment so when they party, he can't go to bed.  Each feels increasingly in the way.
 
No one seems to understand how difficult it is for these two to be apart, focusing only on the disruption to their own lives.  Ain't that the way.
 
Then Ben takes a tumble down the stairs just as George finds the ideal rent-controlled apartment.
 
It's no fun getting old and we see that as George and Ben try to cope with being apart and treated as if they are in the way.  But with age comes some percs - mastering your craft --  and mastering their craft is what Molina and Lithgow have done. That they are at the top of their acting game is evident throughout this lovely film where they truly make you believe they are a loving couple of 39 years, with all of those nods and looks and inside jokes that come from being together for so long.  They are delightful to watch, despite the bittersweet ending.

Ira Sachs directed and co-wrote with Mauricio Zacharias this seemingly simple script that beautifully captures the nuances of long term love, the heartbreak of being apart and getting old amidst the busy lives of everyone else.
 
The cinematography here is also one of the stars. It is as lush and as beautiful as a Vermeer painting.
 
Rosy the Reviewer says...a lovely, sweet film that comes to life because of the amazing acting chops of Lithgow and Molina.
 
 
 
 


Jimi Hendrix's London year right before he made it big in the U.S. at Monterey Pop.

Andre Benjamin plays Jimi during his early years in the late 60's as he tries to make it as Jimi James and the Blue Flames.  But one night at The Cheetah Club, Jimi meets Keith Richards' girlfriend, Linda Keith (Imogen Poots, who is everywhere these days) and everything changes for him. She is fascinated by him and mentors him, introducing him to important people in the music industry.  When she introduces him to Chas Chandler of the Animals, Chandler quits his job with the band and becomes Jimi's manager and gets him to come to London in 1966 and it is there that Jimi takes off.

Filmed documentary style with a lot of interesting camera work, the movie has an improvisational cinema verite feel.  The clothes, the music all create the "Swinging London" of the 1960's, and Benjamin channels Jimi with his quiet way of expressing himself.  Many "look-alikes" of those who helped Hendrix in his career pop in and out:  Eric Clapton, Ginger Baker, Noel Redding.

This is a slice of life the year before Jimi hit it big at Monterey Pop and his career would never be the same again. If you are hoping to hear familiar Jimi Hendrix music, you will be disappointed (Jimi's estate would not give them the rights), but the music is atmospheric and captures the mood.

Writer/Director John Ridley, who wrote the script (and won an Oscar)  for "12 Years a Slave" has produced a rather disjointed film, almost as if we are in a drug trip with Jimi.  There are hints at issues such as Jimi's flower child persona in contrast to his temper which could lead him to beat up his girlfriend, and the racial issues in London at the time. There was a brief allusion to racial tensions in the segment with Michael X when he tries to radicalize Jimi by saying "You will never be anything but a curiosity."  But that was more of a distraction than anything else and none of these issues were pursued.

Ridley just gives us this one year in the life.

Rosy the Reviewer says...It's difficult to say how much of this is true, but it captures what "Swinging London" might have been like and is a fun blast from the past especially for Baby Boomers and their kids who might want to know what Mom and Dad were up to in the 60's.




  

***My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project***


282 to go!

Have you seen these?



Bigger than Life (1956)



A small town teacher is prescribed steroids, he becomes addicted and the drugs turn him into a neurotic megalomaniac who tries to kill his young son.

Directed by Nicholas Ray and starring James Mason (Mason also produced), this film tells the story of Ed Avery, a small town teacher who becomes very ill and given only a short time to live.  However, doctors prescribe cortisone and his recovery is miraculous.  But his recovery is not without a downside.  He becomes addicted to the cortisone and the side effects turn him into a neurotic manic depressive, one minute grandiose, another irritable and scary, terrorizing his wife (Barbara Rush) and young son (Christopher Olsen).

Before his illness, Ed was trying to make ends meet by moonlighting as a taxi dispatcher, once again proving the point that teachers don't make enough money.

So the message here is also about  the "disease" of a dead-end middle class life, forever trying to keep up with the Jones. Ray uses interesting camera angles and shadows to show the claustrophobia of his life and the impending psychosis overtaking Ed.

Mason does brooding, tormented types like no other ("A Star is Born") and this film is no exception.  Barbara Rush looks like a 50's version of Nicole Kidman and a young Walter Matthau makes an appearance as Ed's fellow teacher and friend.

Why it's a Must See: "Though best known for Rebel Without A Cause (1955), Nicholas Ray's finest film is a brilliant expressionist melodrama that used the then-topical controversy over the discovery and deployment of the 'wonder drug' cortisone (a type of steroid) to mount a devastating critique on materialistic, middle-class conformism in the postwar era...a profoundly radical movie, then, distinguished not only by its distaste for suburban notions of 'normality' but by the beautifully nightmarish clarity of its intensely colored CinemaScope imagery."
---1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die

Rosy the Reviewer says...a classic!



Au Hasard Balthazar (1966)



French director Robert Bresson's film about shy Marie and her beloved donkey, Balthazar, and the fates that befall each of them.
 
Bresson was a huge influence on the French New Wave and is considered one of the greatest film directors of all time. 
 
This film opens with a father buying a baby donkey for his son and daughter, who are spending the summer on a farm with young Marie and her family.  The children name the donkey Balthazar. When the children leave for the summer, promising to return, they leave Balthazar on the farm where he becomes the beloved pet of Marie.  But time passes and young Marie falls in with some local thugs, she forgets about Balthazar, and he is sold to become a beast of burden.  Over the years, he has several owners, some who treat him well and some who abuse him. Likewise, Marie's life is filled with abuse.
 
Balthazar is the silent witness to the foibles of humans and represents the innocence that is lost as humans grow from children into adults. But no matter what happens Balthazar endures.  Life is about putting up with crap and not complaining and that is what Balthazar does until his last breath.  (I sure wish, though, there had been something at the end that said, "No donkeys were hurt during the making of this film.")
 
This film is also a reminder of how "colorful" beautifully filmed black and white films used to be.
 
Why it's a Must See: "Bresson's film as been labeled by at least one critic as 'the zenith of purity in the cinema.' But the highest praise of all comes from Andrew Sarris in his Village Voice review: '[Balthazar] stands alone atop one of the loftiest pinnacles of artistically-realized emotional experiences.'"
---1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die
 
Rosy the Reviewer says...if you can't stand to see animal abuse, this is NOT for you, but it's a poignant story illustrating the "saintliness" of animals amidst the often cruel and sadistic world of humans.
(b & w, in French with English subtitles).
 
 
 
***Book of the Week***


Part Swan, Part Goose: An Uncommon Memoir of Womanhood, Work and Family by Swoosie Kurtz (2014)
 

The Tony and Emmy award winning actress shares her life and career.

Though Kurtz has won two Tony Awards ("Fifth of July" and "House of Blue Leaves"), an Emmy ("Carole and Company"), and starred on numerous television shows, most notably "Sisters" and "Pushing Daisies," and currently  in "Mike and Molly," hers is not a household name, though it certainly is an unusual one. Kurtz is one of those faces. You recognize her, but can't recall her name.  (Her name comes from "The Swoose," the B-17 bomber her highly decorated pilot father flew in WW II).

Her father was an Olympic diver and war hero and her mother was a military wife who chronicled their marriage in her book "My Rival, the Sky." The two were a celebrity couple who had a marriage that Kurtz greatly admired.  She shares portions of her mother's book as she also shares her own life, growing up an only child in the shadow of her remarkable parents, her devotion to her career that belied marriage and children of her own, and the present, where she now cares for her 90-something mother suffering from dementia. She shares the difficulties of caring for an aging parent while trying to maintain a career in Hollywood and on Broadway.

This is not a tell-all book in the classic sense. There is not much in the way of juicy details, but she tells her story in a humorous yet gentle way and shares lots of inside anecdotes about acting and what goes on backstage on Broadway. But this memoir is as much about her parents as it is about her.  She clearly loves and respects them, and it's refreshing to read about a loving family in light of so many memoirs that share the horrors of childhood.  Her father has passed away, but her mother is nearing 100 and she is caring for her.  She has always had a very close relationship with her mother and that remains, even as her mother nears the end of her life.

She writes at the end of the book,

"Gathering [my mother] in my arms, I am overtaken by unexpected weeping, overwhelmed with a liquid light show of emotion.  I have known this feeling before: those moments onstage when I find myself felicitously cast in a rare, perfect-for-me role.  I feel the best of my aptitudes shining beyond what I'd imagined I was capable of.  Something is brought out of me I would not have believed was there.  Startled and profoundly grateful I soar.  This is not a state of grace in which one is allowed to live.  It is a zephyr at best, and I have finally learned to cherish it instead of questioning my worthiness or pre-grieving the inevitable.  If we're lucky, and I have been, it presents itself many times in a life and career, but always in a different guise, so we must be wise enough to wait for it, brave enough to take on the difficult day in which it comes, and strong enough to let it go.  The name of this particular zephyr is love." 

Rosy the Reviewer says...Broadway babies and those caring for a parent with dementia will find this rewarding.


Thanks for Reading!


That's it for this week.


See you Tuesday for

"What I've Learned from Beauty Pageants"
(You don't want to miss this one!)

 

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email it to your friends and
LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer.

Check your local library for DVDs and books mentioned.

 Note:  Next time you are wondering whether or not to watch a particular film, check out my reviews on IMDB (The International Movie Database). 

 
Here is a quick link to get to all of them.  Choose the film you are interested in and then scroll down the list of reviewers to find "Rosy the Reviewer."
 

Or you can go directly to IMDB.  

 
Find the page for the movie, click on "Explore More" on the right side panel and then scroll down to "External Reviews."  Look for "Rosy the Reviewer" on the list. Or if you are using a mobile device, look for "Critics Reviews." Click on that and you will find me alphabetically under "Rosy the Reviewer."

 

 

Tuesday, January 27, 2015

Rituals: The Good, the Not So Good and the Ugly

I am getting ready for a little trip to Victoria, B.C.  It's one of my favorite places. 



In thinking about our trip, I am looking forward to my little rituals that I associate with Victoria.  I go to Murchies to buy enough tea to get me by until I go to Victoria again (I know I can buy it online but it's more fun to choose my tea in person and have a little nosh while I'm at it), then next door to Munro's Books to pick up a memoir by a British actor or some other book that was only published in the UK. 

Visiting Munro's is also special because it's one of those independent bookstores you don't see anymore and also a lovely place to poke around.  It is even listed as one of the most beautiful bookshops in the world. Then on day 2, we walk to the Cook Street Starbucks.  It's the best Starbucks in the world.  I'm not sure why...is it the walk there through the Victoria neighborhood away from the tourists? The cozy interior filled with locals? I don't know but we always take that walk and it's always lovely, peaceful and comforting.  Then at night we walk around the Inner Harbor to see Parliament lit up at night.


It never varies. That is our ritual.

Today I am at home and my ritual many days a week is this:  I have my tea while watching "The View."  Then I head to the gym (yuck, but a necessary evil ).  After that horror, I stop at Starbucks for a Skinny Latte, then go to the library to pick up books I have requested and then I take the scenic way home. 

 

When my kids were growing up, the morning ritual included their coming into my bedroom to kiss me goodbye as they headed to school

Yes, you heard me.  My kids had to be at school at zero dark thirty and like I always say, I am not a morning person. Let me just say that my kids learned how to fix their own breakfasts at an early age.  Anyway, both my son and daughter would always kiss me goodbye and they did that until they left home for college.

And then there is the anniversary ritual. 



I think I read an article that said if you wanted your husband to remember your anniversary, take turns being responsible for the celebration.  So that's what we decided to do.  Hubby is responsible for the even years and I am responsible for the uneven years.  Anniversary celebrations have run the gamut from trips to Europe to a road trip to British Columbia wine country to an overnight at a very posh hotel. 

 
 


But big or small, the occasion is celebrated and Hubby has never forgotten an anniversary, just as that article promised.

A ritual is defined in part as "being part of an established routine."  But I would give it more significance than that.

Rituals are comforting. 
 
There is comfort in order and things happening as they are supposed to.  I go to the gym with the comfort that I will be rewarded with a Skinny Vanilla Latte at Starbucks followed by my trip to the library (always a favorite destination) to pick up a book or DVD I have been anxiously looking forward to. 


Then I take the scenic way home. All very orderly, fun and comforting.  You get a sense that all is right with the world.




But there are also those rituals that aren't exactly comforting, but rather rituals that need to be performed if our lives are going to function well.

For example: 

  • Charging your cell phone (as soon as you get home so you aren't one of those people who says, "Oops, my phone is dying..." and you know who you are) and being sure to take your charger with you when you travel so you don't have to borrow the one from the person who DID remember (and you know who you are!)
  • Going through the TV Guide and recording must see programs on the TIVO for the upcoming week so you will have wonderful and interesting content to choose from when the time comes to plop down in front of the TV (for TV Addicts only - and you know who you are too!
  • Getting up in the morning, putting in the contacts, making the bed, setting my hair (only if I'm going out), brushing my teeth, taking a shower (if I'm going out, otherwise, who cares?).  I make this all more palatable by having the TV on something like "Inside Edition" or something I can't really justify sitting and watching, but which works fine while going through the morning ritual
  • Making dinner, eating at a specified time, cleaning up
  • Plopping down in front of the TV 

I also have a ritual before going on a trip or if I plan to be away from the house for several hours.  I have to check and recheck that the iron is not plugged in, even though I know I have an iron that shuts itself off and usually isn't even set up.  I do this and try to be present when I do it so I am sure I have done it so that when we are 50 miles down the road and I don't sit up straight and yell, "I LEFT THE IRON ON!"  Back we go to start the trip over again.  We don't want that.  Hubby would not be happy.

So those are the "not so good" rituals.

They aren't exactly fun or pleasing and in fact, they are often a pain in the butt, but there still is some comfort in knowing you will have a charged cell phone (if certain people should try to call you which they usually don't - and you know who you are!) or that your body odor won't be offensive (if you are going out.  Otherwise, who cares?)

But then there are those rituals that we have gotten ourselves into that are not so comforting or rewarding, and we are not even sure how they got started.

These are the ugly ones. 

These are the rituals that are not comforting or pleasing.

One particularly egregious one for me is one that for the life of me I can't remember how it started but it has gotten truly out of hand. 

Our pack of dogs require a treat when I come down the stairs in the morning, when I arrive home from anywhere, and sometimes just when I enter the room they are in. 

Now this might seem to you something that should easily be rectified, but let me tell you. When I make an appearance, if I don't hand over the treats, there is hell to pay!  The cacophony of barking is not to be believed and it does not end until the treat has been handed over.




(And this was a quiet day, probably because they knew they were being filmed)

If I try to avoid it, the little one - he's the worst - will chirp and bop and hop and whine until he gets the treat.  It's like a child constantly yanking on your sleeve whining, "Pleeez, can I?  Huh? Huh? Pleez? 

You can't exactly smack him. Well, I could but I don't.

So I am locked in this ritual of horror that confines me to my bed longer than I need to, because I can't bear the noise when I start to come down the stairs.

 


And when I finally do, there they stand waiting expectantly, barking all of the while, until I do their bidding.

It's almost like they are devil dogs.  I have nightmares about what might happen if I tried to get away with not giving them treats.


For some reason, Hubby is immune to this.  Lucky him. 

Hubby, however, has the morning ritual of putting up the baby gate at the foot of the stairs so the dogs can't get to me.  If he didn't, they would be sitting outside the bedroom door scratching and whispering, "Where's our treat?"

So rituals can be comforting and they can sometimes be a burden, but rituals are important because whether they are good, not so good, or ugly, it's one small part of life where, in a chaotic world, we know what's going to happen.

And that's good.

So revel in your rituals!

 
What are your good,
not so good or ugly rituals?

 
Thanks for Reading! 

See you Friday 
 

for my review of the new movie
"Cake,"
 
The Week in Reviews,

 as well as my progress on

"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project."





 

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