Tuesday, May 24, 2016

How to Stay Married Forever

On our 30th wedding anniversary, I wrote a post about staying happily married for 30 years. Back then I said something about, who knows?  Maybe we won't make it to 31. Well, we've not only made it to 31, we have just celebrated our 36th wedding anniversary!  


Years ago, when we were first married, I read an article that said if you wanted your husband to remember your wedding anniversary, agree that you will take turns for deciding how to celebrate the event each year. That meant that every other year it would be his turn to plan something and every other year it would be my turn.  We have done that and the article was right.  Hubby has never forgotten an anniversary and we have celebrated it in locations all over the world.

A couple of years ago, it was Hubby's turn and he decided it would be fun to visit Walla Walla and do some wine-tasting.  As you know, we enjoy that little activity together.  Let's just say we wined and dined!




However, the year before that it was my year and we went to Italy, so go figure, but I'm not complaining. 



Anyway, while out and about in Walla Walla, I might have just mentioned a time or two that we were celebrating our wedding anniversary (you never know when that might result in a hotel upgrade, free drink or dessert!),



and two different people (younger ones, I might add) asked

 "So, what is your secret to a long marriage?"

I had never been asked that before, so it really got me to thinking, and it reminded me of some articles I had seen lately about how to not only stay married for a long time but....forever.

How have we made it this long?

Now I wouldn't presume to give advice...well, yes, I would, I do it all of the time in this blog, but since I have been asked the question, I decided to try to answer it.

The article from "The Huffington Post" about staying married forever made many of the points that I made in my blog post two years ago - have a sense of humor, be considerate, pull your weight, have common interests, the usual stuff - except the last one.  The last point was "Don't get divorced."  Ha!  They should have started with that one.  Sort of trumps everything else, doncha think?

So, yes, if you want to stay married forever, don't get a divorce.  Duh.  But if you want to stay HAPPILY married forever, there is more to it than that.

So what is the difference between 36 years and forever? Not many if you are already in your sixties, but thirty two years can certainly feel like forever if you are not happy.

Though I think it's a good idea to go into a marriage thinking you are not going to get a divorce, to stay married forever for that reason alone is going to make two people very miserable.

Since both Hubby's and my parents were married for 50+ years, 36 years doesn't seem like a lot, but for us Baby Boomers, who drove the divorce rate up to 50%, I would say that is pretty good.

However, I know my parents were in it for the long haul no matter what. No one got divorced, and if you did, you were tantamount to being a hussy (the woman always got blamed).  I had a cousin, whom I loved, who dared to divorce her husband and she was persona non grata within the family for the rest of her life.

I am sure my parents loved each other when they got married, but they had already gone together for eight years before that happened. 



I once asked my Dad about that and his answer was interesting.  He said, "What do you do after going with someone for eight years?  You get married."  Doesn't sound very romantic. I have a feeling my mother told him to get off the pot or take a hike. 

They had three kids. All of us three kids were about five years apart.  I was the youngest, so my sister was almost 10 years older than I was, my brother five. My brother was around during most of my formative years, but my sister was not.  When I talk to my sister about how she remembers my parents, it's nothing like what I remember.  I was 12 when she got married and moved away, and I was 14 when my brother got married.  By that time, my Dad was working all of the time and my mother was making my teenage life a misery.  What I know now was that my mother was frustrated and lonely and my Dad had mentally left the marriage.





So yes, my parents stayed married "forever," but it's not what I would call a happy marriage. Once we kids were all gone, my Dad should have left and become a cowboy like he always wanted.



And my mother should have gotten a job. I only say that because she talked longingly about her life before she got married when she had a "status job" as the secretary to the president of the local bank.  She was a very smart woman who was denied a college education and I don't think she ever got over that.



I remember her trying to get a job when she was in her 50's and not being able to, and I could tell it was upsetting to her. She lived out her days babysitting for the neighbors' kids.

Yes, my parents stayed together forever but I don't think it was a happy forever.


I think we can all stay married forever if we want to by gritting our teeth and if we are willing to put up with all kinds of crap, but the trick is staying married forever and being happy as well.

Now Hubby and I haven't been married forever, but if one of us dropped dead tomorrow we could say we had been.  Forever means what we vowed when we married - "Til death do us part."  But so far, Hubby and I are still going to the gym and don't need to carry around a respirator or anything, so I would say we have quite a few years yet before we get to "forever."

But now it's been 36 years and that feels like forever.  I only say that, because it seems like forever since I was that young woman of 36 who married Hubby (and just so you know, I was not on the shelf until I was 36 and Hubby rescued me from spinsterhood - a few men before him deemed me worthy of marriage as well.  Just so you know).


Anyway, here is finally the point. 

It's only been 36 years for Hubby and me, and considering our age, forever could be close by, but it's been 36 mostly HAPPY years.  We still like each other, we still hang out together and we still plan for our future together.

Over this last weekend when we were asked what the secret to a long happy marriage was, I quickly answered, "It has to be fun."  Hubby, of course, had to be a smart aleck and say, "Keep your mouth shut."  He meant his mouth, not mine.  You know, those usual "Yes, dear" and "Happy wife, happy life" clichés that I hate? Anyway, fun came to mind for me because I don't think marriage should have to be work.  Yes, we have to be considerate and all of that, but if there isn't more fun going on than work, then what's the point?

But as I thought about this more and more, I realized it was way deeper than that, and I came up with three things that I think will get you to the "f word"...Forever.

One is trust.

And I am not talking about trusting Hubby to not cheat.  At this point, after all of these years, if a beautiful young thing told Hubby how handsome he was and wanted to give him a lap dance, I wouldn't be surprised if he couldn't say no. 

No, what I am talking about here is more important to me than that.  I am talking about the kind of trust where you can expect your partner to be consistent in ways that affect your daily life.  For example, if the brakes went out on my car in the Whole Foods parking lot and I called Hubby to come help me, I can trust that he will drop everything and come right away.  I won't have to cool my heels until it's convenient for him to get away.  If he says he will come home after work, I can trust that he will.  If I am in the middle of a recipe with my hands full of flour and I realize I am out of sugar, I can trust that Hubby will run to the store and get what I need.  And when things go wrong, I can trust that he will choose to be there for me. And I will do the same for him.

But even more important than that is being known. 

If you feel someone really knows you, then you know it will last forever.  And that doesn't happen very often. Being known, really known, is what we humans all crave.  But to get there requires vulnerability and a level of intimacy that some of us are not capable of.  It requires listening, understanding, empathy and compassion. When we share our deepest secrets and insecurities and we are made to feel OK about them, then we know we are known.

Finally, I think for a marriage to last forever, you really have to enjoy each other

And I am not talking about enjoying each other's company as you go to the theatre, out to eat or visiting friends. That is important and we certainly enjoy those activities together, but I am talking about enjoying the little things about each other, still getting a kick out of each other's little habits and peccadillos after so many years. 

For example, I might bitch at Hubby from time to time.  Well, OK, a lot of the time. Though I am sure Hubby doesn't like me to nag and bitch at him, Hubby also gets a kick out of my pursed lips, flaring nostrils and narrowed eyes when I get going.  It makes him laugh which in turn makes me laugh. And what can I say?  He enjoys my company so much he will watch "The Bachelor" with me.

Early in our relationship, Hubby confessed that there was a time when he couldn't imagine being with just one woman for the rest of his life.  Hubby was a bit of a lothario when I met him.


When we got married, I used to tease Hubby about our being together "forever," as if that was something we couldn't possibly imagine.  We would say "We will be together forever and ever and ever..."

Now 36 years later, we are getting closer and closer to the "f-word."

So if you find someone who not only loves you, but who you can trust to be there for you when the chips are down, who really knows you, warts and all, and still loves you and actually enjoys being around you, if your partner is your "person" and you are his (or hers), then you have a shot at the "f-word" -

Forever.


So here's to the "f-word!"



Thanks for Reading!


 See you Friday


for my review of


"Money Monster"


and


 The Week in Reviews

(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)





 and the latest on


"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before


 I Die Project."





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Friday, May 20, 2016

"Special Correspondents" and The Week in Reviews

[I review the new Ricky Gervais Netflix exclusive comedy "Special Correspondents" as well as DVDs "Star Wars VII: The Force Awakens" and Michael Moore's latest documentary "Where to Invade Next."  The Book of the Week is "Grilled Cheese Kitchen."  I also bring you up-to-date with "My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project" with "The Blue Kite."]




Special Correspondents


Suave and slightly unethical radio news reporter, Frank Bonneville (Eric Bana) and his sound engineer, Ian Finch (Ricky Gervais) are supposed to go to Ecuador to cover a war there, but unforeseen circumstances lead them to pretend to be reporting on the war in Ecuador while across the street from the station upstairs over a restaurant.

Frank Bonneville is a radio newsman in New York who doesn't exactly play by the rules.  He has a big ego, is super slick, a womanizer and a bit shady about how he gets his stories, which is kind of funny right there because who is doing radio journalism anymore? How can you really get a big ego from doing that? Anyway, his boss has it out for him because he embellishes his stories and says if he screws up one more time, he's out. 

Ian Finch is a mousy sound engineer who is conscientious and married to Eleanor (Vera Farmiga).  Eleanor isn't that happy with Ian (she thinks he's a loser because he plays video games and collects action heroes - actually he kind of is), and when she meets Frank at a radio station event, she fails to tell him she is married and they hop into bed together.

Meanwhile, a war has broken out in Ecuador, (Ecuador?  A war?  Really?) and Frank is given the assignment and told to take Ian with him.  Frank is also told by his boss to not screw up.  But Ian inadvertently throws the tickets and passports into a garbage truck (long story) and the two must figure out what to do.  Since the war would probably be over by the time they were able to get new passports and this would constitute screwing up, thus losing Frank his job, they concoct a plan. They will stay in New York and PRETEND to be in Ecuador reporting on the war.  And how will they do that?

Welcome to the mind of Ricky Gervais who directed and stars in this remake of a French film that he adapted.

Ian has befriended a South American couple, Domingo and Brigida (Raul Castillo and America Ferrera) who own the restaurant across the street from the radio station.  Ian shares their idea with them and they offer Frank and Ian a room above their restaurant.  Ian sets up his equipment complete with jungle sounds and Domingo and Brigida provide Spanish language crowd noises to create an Ecuadorian atmosphere.  Ian and Frank actually pull this off.  Ian isn't a loser after all.  He is able to create a war-torn Ecuador in an apartment above a restaurant across from the radio station.

But then Frank decides to take it all to another level.  As he sends in his reports they get more and more colorful.  He creates a false story.  He invents a "man" who is working for the government who is funding the war. That story is picked up not only by the other news agencies but by the State Department.  The fake story goes viral and as the story is passed around it becomes bigger and bigger news.  Now Frank's boss tells him they needs to report to the Embassy in Quito.  Because they can't do that - they are in an apartment over a restaurant across the street from the station- they go even further and say they have been taken hostage.  If they are hostages, they can't very well report to the U.S. Embassy in Quito, right?

Ian's wife, Eleanor, who always wanted something more for herself finally gets the chance she has been waiting for.  She goes on TV to beg for Ian's release.  She has written a song about donating a dollar for the hostages and money comes flying into her.  So now she is not only famous as a wife of a hostage, she is rich.  When Frank sees her, he realizes she is Ian's wife. Uh-oh.

As they get themselves in deeper and deeper, they realize they somehow have to get to Ecuador if they are going to pull this off.  They hop a boat and guess what?  As soon as they arrive in Ecuador, they are taken hostage - FOR REAL!

Ricky Gervais is a comedian and for some an acquired taste.  His comedy is edgy and often "out there." He made his name writing and starring in the original version of "The Office" in the UK and creating the character of David Brent.  He went on to write and star in the HBO series "Extras,"and "Life's Too Short" and "Derek" on Netflix, but most Americans probably know him for his hosting of the Golden Globes, where he is known to be quite outrageous and totally doesn't care who he offends.  I think he is hilarious because his humor is fearless.  He fears nothing and no one.  But when you are that kind of comedian, your humor can sometimes be hit and miss.  That's what this film is like.  The concept is funny.  Many of the situations and scenes are funny...and some aren't.

However, Gervais is also attuned to the politics and culture of the day and this film is a bit of a commentary on the media and how easy it is to put untrue stories out there and have us all believe it.  I just wish the film had been funnier.

But the revelations here are Eric Bana and Vera Farmiga. We knew Ricky Gervais was funny, but Eric Bana? We are used to him in serious roles. Vera Farmiga? We are used to her in more sensitive roles.  Ricky actually plays straight to Eric in many scenes and Vera is just downright hilarious as the morally corrupt Eleanor.

This film was a Netflix exclusive and was available for streaming April 29th. More and more, we will be seeing films released exclusively on Netflix, Amazon, HBO and others, and the actors will be out there on talk shows hyping the films just as if they were going to be released in the theaters, except they are actually released directly into our living rooms..  And this film is one of those.

Rosy the Reviewer says...it's a silly little romp with great performances by Gervais, Bana and Farmiga, and you can watch it right from the comfort of your own living room.!



***Some Movies You Might Have Missed***
(And Some You Will Be Glad You Did)!

Now Out on DVD







Star Wars: Episode VII - The Force Awakens (2016)


It's been 30 years since the defeat of the evil Galactic Empire but as these things go, there is another evil force at work:  The New Order.  And now we have to start all over again to get rid of these new guys.

You might have been wondering when I was going to get around to this one. 

Well, since this broke box office records, you probably didn't miss it when it first came out in the theatres like I did. By now my review is a bit anticlimactic, I know.  I tried to go when it first came out, waiting for what I thought was an appropriate amount of time so that the crowds would have dissappated and attending at an unfashionable time like Tuesday afternoon at 2pm.  But no, it was sold out.  So it just wasn't in my cards to see this in the theatre, but I wish I had because I am hoping it was better there.

And it's probably futile to even review it at this point.  If you are a big Star Wars fan, you have most likely already seen it, and if not, then nothing I am going to say will probably influence you.

First, you know how I feel about sequels.  But since the entire "Star Wars" franchise is made up of sequels, I can't really criticize it for that, except to say, the main problem with these movies that go on and on and on and try to keep a story going is that if they take years to make and get released, the audience forgets what happened in the last one.  That was a main criticism of mine with the last "Hunger Games" installment. 

If you are like me, here is what I would recommend:  Before seeing this film, watch all six that preceded it and then see this one.  I think that's the only way it will make sense.  I didn't really know what was going on half the time.  If a sequel is not going to stand alone in its storyline, then some effort needs to be made to bring us all up to date.  They didn't.

However, this latest (and no doubt not the last) installment in the "Star Wars" story does give homage to the original.

Luke Skywalker is the last of the Jedis and is almost mythical.  The New Order is the name of the bad guys, but they still look just like the Storm Troopers of old.  Oscar Isaac is the leader of The Resistance and everyone is trying to find Luke. The star is newcomer Daisy Ridley as Rey and she does a good job as the spunky female lead.

I don't think there is any need for me to go into the plot in detail. If you are a Star Wars fan you already know it.  And it's similar to everything that has gone on before so instead of that, I will just list what I liked and what I didn't.

Pros
  • Homage to the original with original cast and characters showing up
  • Space ship chases
  • Stars some hot actors of the moment (Ridley, Oscar Isaac, Adam Driver, Domhnall Gleeson)
  • A female lead - you go, girl!

Cons
  • It's been so long since the last "Star Wars," does anyone really care?  Yes, I know everyone stormed the box office, but now that you have seen it, was it worth it?
  • The technology seemed dated
  • Can't remember what happened in the last ones so confused most of the time
  • Sequels never replicate the magic of the originals

Here's a question that nags me: Apartment buildings and companies have cameras everywhere that record people coming and going, but characters seem to be able to wander around long corridors in spaceships and no one knows they are there.  Why is that? Just wondering.

Directed by J.J. Abrams, it's fun to see the aging stars from the original, and I am sure this isn't the end of it all.

Rosy the Reviewer says...if you love "Star Wars," you probably don't care what I think, but if you enjoy these but it's been awhile, I recommend either doing some homework ahead of time or binge watch all six previous episodes so you will know what the hell is going on because they don't really give you much from the past movies.  I still don't remember where Kylo Ren came from.






Where to Invade Next (2015)


Filmmaker Michael Moore, one of our very best documentarians, "invades" other countries to see what the United States can learn from them.

Since, according to Moore, the United States has not won a war outright since WW II, maybe we should stop making war and start "invading" in others ways, by learning from other countries what they are doing to solve some of their socioeconomic problems.  Moore decided that he would "invade countries to bring back what we need," something no army can do.

First stop - Italy.

Moore interviewed Italians from different walks of life and asked them about their vacations. They get six weeks of paid vacation per year plus 12 National holidays, and everyone gets an additional month's salary in December, as if there is a 13th month, because, well, December is expensive, and as they say in Italy, "What good is a vacation if you can't afford it?  If they are married, the Italians get 15 paid days for their honeymoons and if pregnant, five months of maternity leave.  And let's not forget those two hour lunches! 

Moore also interviewed the owners of Ducati and asked:  "Do you mind paying your employees for this much time off?"  No, because vacations relieve stress and no one is ever sick. And they acknowledge that they still make plenty of money.

When Moore shared with the Italian people he interviewed how little paid vacation Americans get, they couldn't believe it.

Oh, and the Italians live four years longer than us Americans.

France.

Moore traveled to a small village in Normandy where the school cafeteria serves four course lunches that could be found in a four star restaurant.  The city and school officials all go over the school menu with a dietician.  The kids are served the food while they sit at a table, they all eat family style and are taught good eating habits.  There is even a cheese course! When shown pictures of our school lunches, there was shock and dismay...from the kids!

Most countries in Europe have free health care and practically free child care and Moore wondered how they could do that.  We think it's because they pay way more taxes than we do, but he shows that the French only pay a bit more in taxes than we do but they GET much more and they get an itemized statement that shows them exactly where their taxes are going. What we don't realize is that by the time we pay college tuition, child care expenses and other fees we don't classify as taxes (and that are mostly free in European countries), we are actually "taxed" much more highly than the Europeans.

Finland.

Finnish children are the best educated kids in the world.  We rank #29.  How did they do it? 

No homework and short school days. 

They believe that the brain needs to relax. They also do not use multiple choice exams or teach kids to pass standardized tests.  Moore interviewed a Finnish teen who had been an exchange student in the U.S. and the kid said that in America he didn't really learn much.  He only learned how to pass those standardized tests. There are also no private schools in Finland.  In fact, it's against the law to charge money for education so rich kids don't get a better education than the poorer students.

Slovenia.

Their college students have no debt.  A college education is free - and it's free for Americans, too, if you want to move to Slovenia (not to be confused with Slovakia).

Germany.

If a doctor says you are stressed, your company sends you to a spa for three weeks.  It's also against the law to contact an employee when he or she is on vacation or to send a business related email to an employee at home.

Portugal.

They stopped the war on drugs and now have no drug problem.

Norway.

Prisoners are treated humanely with nice rooms and amenities.  The Norwegians believe it is punishment enough to take away someone's freedom. "No cruel and unusual treatment," an American idea.

We have the highest recidivism rate - 80%.  Norway only 20%.

Iceland.

In 1975 the women of Iceland went on strike to secure equality.  Iceland was the first to elect a woman president and other countries have gone on to do so, but not us. 

So those were some of the ideas Moore got from other countries. 

But lest you think Michael Moore in un-American for extolling the virtues of other countries (and he does get a bad rap for his movies), he actually reminds us that many of the ideas that these other countries embraced were American ideas.  Norway wants "no cruel or unusual punishment" for its inmates.  An American idea.  Women as equals?  Remember the ERA? Benefits for workers?  Remember unions? Those countries got their ideas from us.  We have just lost our way a bit.

Rosy the Reviewer says...a brilliant, thought-provoking (and fun) film.  I loved it so much that I cried.  I can't believe it was not nominated for an Oscar for Best Documentary.




***My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project***


252 to go!

Have YOU seen this classic film?





The Blue Kite (1993)


The story of Tietou and his family in China from 1953 through the Cultural Revolution and its aftermath.

The film starts in Beijing in 1953 with the marriage of Shujuan and Shaolong.  They are happily married and loyal Communist Party members when their son Tietou is born.  Shaolong is a librarian and Shujuan is a school teacher, but soon, Shaolong is branded a reactionary in a sad and shocking scene.  At a library meeting he goes to the toilet and when he returns he finds that he has been banned for some seemingly innocent criticism.  So what does that tell you? Don't go to the toilet during a meeting!  He is sent to a labor camp and this changes everything for the family.

Over the next 15 years Tietou is witness to the effects of party policy on various members of his family as people report each other for the smallest infractions. and only the blue kite, given to him by his father, stands as a symbol of hope and freedom.

Why it's a Must See: [This film] offers a sublime and often subtle look at how history and politics disrupt ordinary lives...One comes away from this film with a profound sense of how individuals strive to maintain a sense of ethics within a changing society that periodically confounds those ethics or makes them irrelevant."
---"1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die"

This film was banned in China and the director, Zhuangzhuang Tian, was placed under close scrutiny for making this film "without permission."  These repressive dictatorship and communist regime movies get me every time.  I still haven't gotten over "Dr. Zhivago."

Rosy the Reviewer says...get ready to be depressed.  I can't even imagine how awful it would be to live under such a repressive regime, but a reminder to be grateful for our freedoms.
(In Chinese with English subtitles)



***The Book of the Week***




Grilled Cheese Kitchen: Bread + Cheese + Everything in Between by Heidi Gibson (2016)


Who doesn't love grilled cheese sandwiches?  This book has the best grilled cheese and mac and cheese recipes on the planet!

I know, I need grilled cheese sandwiches and mac and cheese like I need a hole in the head, but sometimes you just have to give in to your cravings for the comfort food of your childhood.  And when you do, this book delivers.

I have tried practically every mac and cheese recipe that has come my way, but this book has THE BEST!  Of course, it's good.  It uses over a pound of cheese!  But if you are going to eat mac and cheese, might as well not skimp.  As Julia Child used to say, and I am paraphrasing, "Yes, I eat cream and fat but not every day."  So when you want mac and cheese go for it - just not every day.

Likewise with grilled cheese sandwiches.  The recipes in this book are inspired.  I want to try them all (but no, Julia, not every day).

Here are some highlights:

  • Breakfast Grilled Cheese (a lovely fried egg squished in between two slices of grilled bread and cheese)
  • Mushroom-Gruyere Grilled Cheese
  • Indian Leftovers Grilled Cheese
  • Gruyere, Garlic and White Wine Mac
  • Crab Mac
  • Bacon and Jalapeno Mac
  • And the piece de resistance?  Mac 'n' Cheese Grilled Cheese!

However, here is a little tip about grilled cheese that is not in the book:  try baking your grilled cheese sandwiches. Set the oven for 425 degrees and place a cookie sheet in the oven while it's heating up.  Prepare your sandwich as per usual buttering both sides of the bread and places the slices butter side down on the baking pan.  Bake one side for about 6-8 minutes depending on your oven and how much browning you like on your sandwich.  Flip it over and bake for about five more minutes.  Mmm.  Delicious and crispy and so easy.

Rosy the Reviewer says...sometimes it's OK to splurge on what you really crave.  If you don't feed those cravings from time to time, you will end up eating far more calories trying to compensate.  Trust me, I know!









That's it for this week!


Thanks for reading!

  
See you Tuesday for

  
"How To Stay Married Forever"




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Go to IMDB.com, find the movie you are interested in.  Once there, click on the link that says "Explore More" on the right side of the screen.  Scroll down to External Reviews and when you get to that page, you will find Rosy the Reviewer alphabetically on the list.
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Or if you are using a mobile device, look for "Critics Reviews." Click on that and you will find me alphabetically under "Rosy the Reviewer."




Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder

Yes, I said clothes hoarder, not the proverbial clothes horse.

I have decided that I am not just someone who likes clothes, I am, indeed, a hoarder.

Oh, not the kind of hoarder where my house is piled high with boxes and dead cats are found under old newspapers. In fact, I have a very tidy home with pristine kitchen counters and uncluttered surfaces.  Well, mostly uncluttered.  I go for the cottage look so that does require a few tchockes to decorate the place.

No, my hoarding is in one area:  clothes and other adornments, also known as accessories.



I know I am a hoarder and not just a clotheshorse, because for some reason, I want to own the thing, have it waiting for me in my closet, but not necessarily wear it. Well, not right away, anyway.

It started early.  Not that my family had the money to allow me to hoard clothes, but when I did get something new, I would not wear it right away.  I would save it for some special but undefined occasion. Just having it hanging in my closet waiting for me gave me a great deal of pleasure. When I met Hubby I was stunned to see him buy something new and immediately put it on and wear it. Why didn't he save it for a special occasion?

No, it's more about the HAVING the item than actually wearing it. My closets are shrines to clothing with the tags still on waiting for just the right moment to wear them!

We might not be aware of it, but clothes represent who we are to the world.  If we only wear sweatshirts and sweatpants, that says one thing about us.  It could say we like to be comfortable and don't really care what people think.  If we are always all buttoned up, it could say we are inhibited or shy.  If we always wear bright colored sexy clothes, we are probably saying, "Hey, look at me!" 

In my case, I haven't really settled down into one style. I think that clothing represents how I want to be, how I see myself at any particular time.  When I see an outfit, I picture it as something that will change my life and I must acquire it. If I put it on, I feel it will somehow transform me.  I am always looking for that perfect outfit.  It's kind of like my dad who played the trumpet.  He kept buying new trumpets hoping one of them would allow him to hit the high notes like Doc Severinsen.



The problem is that perfect outfit keeps changing depending on what is going on in my life, the styles of the day and the size of my body. Maybe that explains why I am such a hoarder. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince and in this case, I have to hoard a lot of clothes to have the right thing when I need it.  Plus, I enjoy the hunt.  However, I realize it's one thing to enjoy shopping, but when you find yourself with almost 100 jackets, hundreds of scarves and earrings, 25 pairs of boots, 100 pairs of shoes (or more but don't tell Hubby), coats up the wazoo, you know you have a problem.

I was lying in bed the other night thinking about this and realizing that there are not enough days left in my life to wear all of the clothes that I now own, especially when you take into consideration mixing and matching and what you can do with accessories.  And though we go out, I don't think there are enough events either that will require them.  I no longer go to work every day because I am retired.  The closest thing to a job I have nowadays is going to the gym so most days you will find me in what is now euphemistically called "active wear."


So I don't really need the sequined sweater that says "Librarians Do It Better" or the pencil skirt with the six-inch slit up the back.  I know I not only need to stop buying, I need to start getting rid of clothes. But even knowing that, there are things I just cannot resist:  anything with fringe, faux fur, velvet, leather and suede and anything sparkly.  You can see that there is a great deal of room for abuse there.

But clothing is a way to express myself.  And if you read my blog, you know I love to do that. But most of us express ourselves through how we dress whether we know it or not.  We use clothing to express our creativity and to put ourselves out to the world as a particular person.  If you see someone in tight pants, tight jacket and big glasses, you know he's a hipster.  If you see someone in bell bottoms, a headband and clogs, you know she is a hippie.  If you see someone in a bright colored dress with matching coat, hat, shoes and handbag, you know it's The Queen.



But me?  Us hoarders can't decide.  We want to be all kinds of different people.  One day I might want to be sporty and wear a cute hoody and another day dramatic in a black slinky maxi dress.  Or I might want to look like a 40's glamour queen or a rocker.  I go through these different phases, if you will.  And to make sure I can fulfill the desired look, I must have the requisite clothes hanging in my closet ready for whatever sartorial whim takes my fancy, right?

I think that's the only way I can explain some of these...uh, looks, and why I still have some of this stuff.  As Tim Gunn would say, "That's a lot of look!"

 


80's Rock & Roller.









Madonna's "Papa Don't Preach?"







I think I was going for a rockabilly look here.

 








Faux fur look. 

This is my "pinto pony" look. Or does it look more like skunk? I can't resist faux fur of any kind.  I have about 20 fake fur coats and jackets and it doesn't even get that cold here.


 




My "I love all things UK look."

I can't resist anything with the Union Jack on it even if a woman in her 60's wearing PLAIN Doc Martens would look ridiculous.




"Game of Thrones" got into my head a little here for this look.

I got this from one of those "goddess/witchy/sexy costumes for your husband" catalogs that also sells vibrators.  It even has a little hood with a tassel on the end. It's one thing if I had gotten it to tease Hubby but I've never worn it! 







This is a "Look at me!" look.  Look at me, I'm wearing wooden shoes!

If I could have taken those wooden shoes home from Amsterdam I would have.  I loved Hans Brinker.









And then there's this.  It's a gorgeous dress, but where will I wear it?





See?  It's a disease.

It doesn't help that one of my favorite ways to get exercise is to walk the mall. It's like an alcoholic being hired as the night watchman in a bar.  I walk the mall and if I see something that is 65% off I can't help myself.  Hell, even if it's not on sale and it's a faux fur coat with the Union Jack on the back or a fringed bathing suit, I have to have it.

Earlier today, I just strolled through Ross and bought a couple of muumuus.  Muumuus?  What have I become? But I imagined myself floating around the house like an ethereal hippie with my hippie name, "Violet Skye" that I got from a Facebook quiz.  Anyway, back to the muumuus.  Even though there were selling points I find hard to resist (they were only $9.98 each and "one size fits all!"), but muumuus?  How far have I fallen?  Have I hit my bottom?



So now I realize I am at an all-time low and that's why I an confessing.

So you get the picture.  There is a fine line between a fashionista who uses clothes as a way to express herself and a hoarder where the clothes use her.

So now I need to go back to that book I reviewed a few weeks ago (and made fun of) -"Spark Joy" - by that trendy Japanese de-clutter guru and get some tips.  I saw the author on "Ellen" and she demonstrated how we are supposed to decide what to keep and what to toss.  First of all, you are supposed to put all of your clothes in a big pile. Then, take one item at a time and hold it up to your body, close your eyes and see if it "sparks joy."  If it does, keep it.  If it doesn't, toss it.

Can you imagine how long that would take me and how hard that would be? I have a feeling every item would "spark joy," because I never know when I might need those zebra booties or that "witch jacket."

I know what I have to do, but as Scarlett O'Hara famously said in "Gone With the Wind," "I'll think about it tomorrow."

Right now, just thinking about de-hoarding has given me an anxiety attack and with all of this confessing I have done, I had to soothe my nerves with a little Ben and Jerry's which in turn made me think I should probably get some exercise at the mall.

Pray for me.
 
Thanks for Reading! 
 
See you Friday
 
for my review of the new Netflix original movie 


"Special Correspondents"
 
and

 The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)



 and the latest on
 
"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before



 I Die Project."


 
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