The Good, the Bad and the Ugly of Getting Old: A Retired Baby Boomer Reflects on Aging

We all get old.

Even us forever young Baby Boomers.

As I reflect on aging (and that's what old people do, we reflect), I am inspired by this Clint Eastwood "spaghetti western."

Is there anything good about getting old?

What's bad about it?

Worse, what's ugly about it?

 

Even Clint got old, though he is not a Baby Boomer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But he is still a great filmmaker as his new movie "Jersey Boys" will attest (see my review in my post "Kevin Costner Sports Movies and The Week in Reviews"), so that's good.

 

But now he's cranky...and that's bad.

 

 

And did you see that mess at the Republican Convention?

That was ugly.

I am not commenting on his politics. I am embarrassed for his showing his age by being so unaware of how bumbling he appears.


There really are some good things about aging and definitely some bad and ugly things about it.


Let's discuss.


The Good

I asked Hubby what was good about getting old.  He said perspective. 

Perspective means we now have the power to see how our lives fit in.

Then I asked him if he would give up perspective for a 32" waist again.  He didn't answer.

If you were to ask me that question, my first answer would be "nothing." 

But then once I start thinking about it, I can come up with some things.

Senior discounts. 
If I can remember to go to the movies on Tuesday, it's only $6.00.  Likewise, if I rode the bus, my senior discount would also kick in, but, please lord, don't make me ride the bus.

Social Security.
I get paid for doing nothing though I worked my ass off for 50+ years to get an amount of money that no one could live on.  Thank goodness I had the foresight (well, actually it was dumb luck) to work in public service so I also have a pension that also pays me for doing nothing.

Retirement.
If you have the means to do so, being able to retire from an 8-5 job to doing what you enjoy is a good thing.  Now my new job is watching movies and talking to you!

Wisdom.
You know some stuff.

Adventures.
You have an endless array of stories and adventures to bore, I mean, share with your friends.

Worries.
You don't have to worry anymore about how your life is going to turn out.  You already know.

And you ladies will enjoy this one.
No more visits from Aunt Flo!





The Bad

Retirement.
It's a bad thing if you don't have the means to do so or are forced to retire when you don't want to.  Some people are married to their jobs, define themselves by their jobs and won't know what to do with themselves when given freedom.  That's too bad.

Wrinkles.
There are those who think of wrinkles as something they have earned and they wear them proudly.  I am not one of those people.

Weight Gain.
For some of us, it is inevitable, especially if we are in the "saving our face" camp instead of the "saving our butts" camp.  (See my post "How Not to Look Old" for more enlightenment on that topic)

Aches and Pains.
Ouch.

Forgetfulness.
What?

You are Invisible.
I started noticing this when I hit the dark side of 40.  Wolf whistles (not that I approve) and compliments were replaced with...nothing.  I no longer existed.

Being called Ma'am.
On those few occasions when I wasn't invisible, being called Ma'am was just as bad. This may seem like a small thing, but we Baby Boomers don't like that sort of thing.


The Ugly

Bette Davis got it right when she said, "Aging isn't for sissies."

Bette knew what she was talking about.  She didn't age well.

 

Yes, there is the physical ugly we have to deal with as we age.

But there is ugly and then there is UGLY.

Yes, Bette didn't age well, but to her credit, she didn't try to stave it off with tons of plastic surgery like so many big-lipped actresses have done who now have 23-year-old faces with 65 year old necks.

But apart from the physical ugly, there is the emotional ugly of getting old.

The really ugly thing is what happened to her relationship with her daughter.

She had to live with the fact that she had an ungrateful daughter who wrote a "Mommy Dearest" book about her. 

That's pretty ugly.

I read the book and from what I can gather, Bette wasn't a bad mother who inflicted the kind of mistreatment on her daughter that Joan Crawford did on her daughter.  She in fact was a doting mother who supported both her daughter and her husband financially. It comes off as a daughter who married a guy who was a born again Christian and didn't approve of her mother while at the same time taking her money. Her daughter then denounced her mother for just about everything and made money off of her by writing a cruel book.

But then Bette let her daughter marry this 20+ guy when her daughter was only 16, so go figure. 

That's another ugly thing about getting old.  We have to live with our mistakes.  

 

It's interesting that she and Joan Crawford were contemporaries who aged at the same time  and even starred in horror films in their later years.  Remember "Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?"

 

 

 

Both of their daughters felt the need to castigate them in public.  Joan might have been a "Mommy Dearest," but I didn't get that from the book about Bette.  What I got was an ungrateful daughter whose husband didn't approve of her mother.

 

What did Shakespeare say in King Lear about an ungrateful child?

 

"How sharper than a serpent's tooth it is
To have a thankless child!"

 

That's pretty ugly.

 

In old age, family troubles are ugly.

 

Another thing that can be an ugly part of getting old is regret.

 

I don't trust people who say they have no regrets about how they have lived their lives.  That seems to be the height of arrogance.

 

Yes, it does no good to dwell on the past, but it certainly helps to have regrets, so that you don't repeat the bad stuff you did in your past or miss the opportunities you passed over the first time.

 

I have three main regrets and they probably are not what you would think. 

 

I mean, I could regret getting married young and missing my chance to live in Europe during my junior year of college.  Gee, now that I think of that, I do really regret that.

 

I could regret following that marriage with a few more, but then if those hadn't happened, I wouldn't have met Hubby or had my children.

 

No, these are my three main regrets.

 

I regret not flying to Sweden when my son had an eye injury.

 

I regret not going to help our daughter through an emotional emergency and sending Hubby instead.

 

(In those days, I had an irrational fear of not just flying, but of doing things alone).

 

But my biggest regret, and it should have been the easiest thing to do, was not getting in bed with my mother the night before we had to admit her to a nursing home after she suffered a stroke that brought on dementia.

 

My sister and I were at her house making arrangements, and I couldn't sleep.  I was sleeping in the basement and then went upstairs to try to sleep on the couch, then back to the basement.  It went like that all night, me wandering around, upset by my mother's condition, and wanting to slip into bed next to her and tell her I loved her.

 

But I couldn't do it.

 

I'm not sure why.

 

Maybe I was reacting to the fact that our family wasn't particularly cuddly.

 

Maybe I was afraid she wouldn't realize who I was and I would scare her.

 

Maybe I was afraid she would reject me.

 

The bottom line was - I was afraid and I missed that last, quiet opportunity to say my goodbyes to my mother because she was never the same after that.

 

As I've gotten older, the fears have dissipated but the regrets remain.

 

Regrets are an ugly part of getting old, but a natural part.

 

So there you have it.

 

Getting old has some perks.  Getting old is crap.  Getting old can be ugly.

 

But despite the wrinkles, the fat, the mistakes, the regrets, getting old also means you are still here. 

 

Because what is the alternative to NOT getting old?

 

Right.

 

What do you think is good, bad or ugly about getting old?

 

Discuss!

 

 

See you Friday

For

"Celebrate What's Fabulous

and The Week in Reviews"

 

 

 

Thanks for reading!

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, 
email it to your friends and
LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer.

Check your local library for DVDs and books mentioned.

Note:  Next time you are wondering whether or not to watch a particular film, check out my reviews on IMDB (The International Movie Database).

If I reviewed a movie, you can now find my reviews there too.

Find the page for the movie, click on "Explore More" on the right side panel and then scroll down to "External Reviews."  Click on that and you will find me alphabetically under "Rosy the Reviewer."

How Not To Look Old

In an earlier post, "Retirement Fashion Chic: or I Know You Are Old But Do You Have To Look Like Crap?" I tackled the issue of how to dress to still look good in retirement. 

What we wear has a lot to do with how good we look, and we have control over that.

What we don't have control over is aging.  We, Baby Boomers, have gotten old. 

But that doesn't mean we give in to it, does it? 

We don't want someone saying as we walk past, "Oh, there goes a 66 year old."  And god forbid, I should walk by and someone says, "There goes a 75 year old."  No, we don't want that.

Of course, we women of a certain age are mostly invisible to the general public, but despite that, why look old?

There are certain things I think we can do to stop the march of time, and I am going to share those with you so you can enjoy whatever age you are. 

When you look good, you feel good.

• The first giveaway that you are old is grey or white hair.

It's a funny thing about that.  On men, it makes them look distinguished.  On us ladies, it just makes us look like grandma.  I had a nice little white-haired grandma, but I don't want to be her. 

I am a grandmother, but I am not Granny, I am "Glammy." 

Now I know for some of you, letting your hair go "natural" is a political statement about feminism and being real and it shows your life experience.  That's fine.  Good for you. But if you don't want to look old, you need to get rid of the old lady hair. 

Another concern people sometimes have is the chemicals in hair dye.  I guess, but we all have to die sometime.  I'd rather go looking fabulous.

Many of you might cite this woman as a symbol of looking fabulous with grey hair as another excuse not to color your hair.

Carmen Dell'Orefice.

Yes, but she's a model - and you're not.

If you let your hair go natural, you are more likely to look like Barbara Bush.

Next on the list is my 75-year-old sister's favorite. 

• Shoes with Velcro fasteners.

Nothing shouts old lady more than sensible shoes with easy on and off fasteners.  Now I am not expecting that you will be wearing Louboutin spiked heels.  I can't even walk in shoes like that anymore let alone afford Louboutins.  But do you really need shoes that scream you are so old you can't even tie your own shoes anymore?  No Velcro!

• Ditch the reading glasses on a chain. 

In fact, why aren't you wearing contact lenses? 

My lenses help me see both near and far (one eye near, one eye far), so I don't need reading glasses. Just because we are old, why is it assumed we must wear glasses?  I recently had to go to the emergency room because I thought one of my contact lenses was still in my eye (long and embarrassing story that we don't need to get into here).  All was well, but I went for a follow-up the next day with the female eye doctor who was consulted that night by the emergency room staff.  When she was examining my eyes, she said she didn't realize I was so old since I was wearing contacts.  Whaaaa?  And she was no spring chicken herself.  But if you don't have a medical reason to not wear contacts, why wear glasses?  Glasses hide your pretty face.

• Spray tans

I think a little glow makes us look younger. 

The only problem with this is I don't like taking my clothes off in front of a teeny-tiny blonde teenager who is no doubt judging my not so teeny-tiny body and wondering what the hell I am doing there.  And the self-service tanning booth scares me. It reminds me of the "Orgasmatron" in Woody Allen's movie "Sleeper."

• Then there is that little issue of weight gain. 

I apologized to Hubby recently for gaining ________ pounds since he met me.  He mumbled something about having gained more than that, but here is some comfort to those of us with big butts. 

Catherine Deneuve supposedly said, "A 30-year-old woman must choose between her bottom and her face."  If this relates to a 30-year-old, what does that say about us 50 and 60 year olds?  Basically, though, it says you want to be really skinny?  Your face will pay the price.  Add a few pounds and it plumps up the face. What did I choose? Let's just say, I don't have many wrinkles.

• Speaking of the "w" word

This post is not going to get into botox or plastic surgery.  If stuff like that didn't hurt and cost so much, I would definitely be all over it, but I am a chicken and don't have any money, so I don't see a face lift in my future.  I will have to opt for looking at myself in the mirror and pulling my skin up and over with my hands and yelling at Hubby to come look:  "See, this is what I would look like if I had a face lift."  Hubby's reply is not worth repeating.

So for wrinkles, moisturize, moisturize, moisturize and hope for the best.

Since this is such an important topic, naturally someone has written a book on it, so I thought I would share some of her points and see what we think.

Charla covers everything here from never cutting your own bangs to make-up do's and dont's to whitening your teeth and not wearing Mom Jeans.  All of her tips include High, Medium and Low maintenance ways to adhere to her admonishments, high maintenance usually involving your hiring a personal stylist or spending big bucks to low maintenance which is pretty much you're on your own.

So my own ideas, aside, let's see how I measure up with some of her tips:

• She lists the top 25 clothes that gotta go:  On the list are holiday sweaters, jewelry with your grandchildren on it, photo handbags and muumuus.

OK I get that but she also says no thin-gold-chain necklaces.
Does that mean I have to stop wearing my little gold chain with a poodle on it that my daughter gave me?  Why does that make me look old? Is that because thin gold chains call attention to my fat wrinkly neck?

• No grannie undies. 

Who's going to see those?

• No backpacks. 

I don't get that one at all.

I mean, how cute is this? 

Maybe she meant fanny packs (and for you Brits out there, I know fanny is a bad word, so do you call then butt packs? That sounds just as bad).

• And on her list of FORBIDDEN items for any woman over 30: 

Tattoos, anything with tie-dye on it and newsboy caps. 

She lost me there. 

First of all, 30?  Is that when old age begins? And doesn't she realize tattoos are permanent (if you have one, it ain't going away and how likely is an old lady to get one?), tie-dye is back in (yes, people, you can find tie-dyed clothes at J. Jill and Chico's, two stores that famously cater to the more mature woman - not that I shop there) and what would I do without my newsboy cap?  Just kidding about the cap.

She goes on to say that nothing ages you like:

Overbling, over-sized earrings, cleavage and bearlike fur coats.

Oops.

But those were her don'ts.

Here are her Do's for instantly taking off 10 years:

• Pink lipstick
• The right bra
• Bike short shapewear
• Wear heels
• Use cream blush, not powder
• Color your toes with a pedicure
• Arch your eybrows and cover any grey brow hairs with pencil

As I write this my toes are painted, my brows are arched, my blush is creamy, and I am wearing pink lipstick, a push-up bra and Spanx.

If only it was that easy.

What do you do to not look old?

Do you care?


See you Friday for

"Where Were You in the 1990's?"

Thanks for reading!

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, 

email it to your friends and

LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer.

Check your local library for the book mentioned.

Today is the First Day of the Rest of My Life: A Retired Baby Boomer Adds a New Habit Every Month and Starts Saying Yes!

Today is my birthday. 

I am now 66.


I found this among my Mother's keepsakes. 

Remember when the newspaper used to publish things like this? 

There I am - Rosellen Edith Luther, 6 years old.

An announcement to the world that I had reached a milestone.

Here is a spontaneous moment.

NOT!

My Mom and Dad were the King and Queen of posing us for pictures.

"Bobby, give Rosellen your gift.  Rosellen, give Bobby a kiss."  Geez.

So here I am at my 6th birthday party in our backyard at the house on Forest Street kissing Bobby Bolthouse, my childhood friend (I wonder whatever happened to him), as he hands me my present, posed, naturally, by my mother and father.  My 6-year-old self.

Now it is 60 years later and I am 66...and retired.  

66?  

When I was about 12, I can remember calculating how old I would be in the year 2000 (52), and thinking how old that was and would I topple over before that ever happened?

Well, it happened and more.

What did The Who say in their song "My Generation?"

"I hope I die before I get old."

That's what they thought then.  I don't think they think that today.

So here I am.

I am 66, I have just almost completed one year of retirement and am wondering what the future holds.

I have embraced my retirement by adding some volunteer activities to my life, writing this blog and having a routine that I enjoy.

But at the same time, I worry I will get into a rut.

So what should a newly minted 66 year old do to keep vital, keep those juices flowing and have a more meaningful life?

Now I am not talking about those pesky things we are always working on such as losing weight, not getting irritated with Hubby when he comes into the kitchen when I am cooking and gets in my way or the difficulty of getting out of my PJs on any given day.

I am talking about shaking myself up by instilling some new habits.

I want to make some changes and add some positive habits to my life.  
The powers that be say it takes three weeks to make something a habit, so I figure if I decide to work on something for a month, it might take hold.
I originally planned to do something different every week, but when I started to make the list, I couldn't think of 52 things I had never done or wanted to do and basically I didn't want to push it.

No, 12 new habits should work just fine.

So here is my life changing list for the next year.

July - Order a Skinny Mocha Latte or anything BUT a Skinny Vanilla Latte at Starbucks. 

Hey, I need to ease into this trying new things thing.  I have definitely gotten into a rut when I go to Starbucks so this will kick things off nicely.


August - Moisturize.
Don't laugh.  This is a big deal.  I have rarely done this.  I read once that Katharine Hepburn never used anything on her face except rubbing it raw with a rough wash cloth.  I thought, I can do that. Well, not the rubbing it raw part. I recently treated myself to a facial that ended up costing me quite a bit more than anticipated, because I naturally had to buy some products for my face, so since I paid the money, dammit, I am going to start this birthday year off right. I am going to moisturize!

September- Ride my new bike every day that the sun shines.
(not too hard around here.  It rarely shines but when it does, I will be out there)

My birthday present from Hubby.


Her name is Flora. Ain't she perty?


October - Walk 10,000 steps every day.
I have my pedometer and I wear it faithfully every day.  The thing I don't do faithfully every day is walk those 10,000 steps.  Do you know how long it takes to walk 10,000 steps?  At least one and a half hours.  If I find it difficult to meditate 15 minutes a day, where am I going to find that extra 90 minutes?  But if I have to run up and down the stairs a couple of times a day, I am going to get those steps in.  I will say as a caution for those of you also on this path.  The pedometer does not count those minutes on the bike or even the elliptical so give yourself a break when you go to the gym.  I know I will.

November - Take little Baby Tarquin (AKA as the Wine Guzzling Poodle) for a walk every day. 

He is the only one of the three dogs that doesn't get walked regularly.  Probably because he is usually passed out drunk on the couch after too much wine.

This should help with my 10,000 steps and help him with his drinking problem. It won't hurt him to walk off a few pounds either.  Little Baby Tarquin is starting to look like Baby Huey.

December - Improve my piano playing skills and get good enough to play Christmas carols for the family if we indeed have a family Christmas.

Yes, I can play the piano, but I don't do it often.

I still have that piano.

I no longer have that body.

My 17-year-old self.

And what the hell am I doing sitting at the piano wearing a hat?

I imagine this was Easter, I was wearing my Easter hat and someone said, "Rosellen, sit at the piano."  Or something like that.

Lest you think this was a fluke.  Look at this. Here it is again sans hat.  I look like I am already questioning this sort of thing.  "Daaaad, do I have to?"

In the earlier picture when I was 17, you can tell that I had to pose like this so many times that I had accepted it as a given.

Speaking of posing for photos.

Here was my Dad's all time favorite pose. 

Posing in front of the mirror for the full front and back effect.

Every event was a cause for posing in front of the mirror.

Every new outfit.

(My Dad loved capes so he probably bought this for me)

Everyone got in on the act. 

Posing in front of the mirror was one thing.

But how do you explain this?

Very natural.

I think I am supposed to be placing an ornament on the Christmas tree. 

That alone is crazy because my mother never let ANYONE place things on the tree but her.  That happened after my brother and I started just throwing the icicles on the tree and she just about had a heart attack.  I ended up perpetuating that, by the way,  - not letting the kids trim the tree, and I am not proud of that.

In this one, I must be noting how adorable the gold bell is on the tree and how perfectly placed by my mother.  I added the little touch of pulling out my dress as if about to curtsey.  Again, how very natural and yet dramatic.  That was the year I received the canopy bed for my Revlon Doll.  We matured later in those days.

So my Mom and Dad.  The King and Queen of unnatural poses.

I have this idea that they had this whole mental folder of poses for their scrapbooks for their Golden Years. 

• Rosellen at six kissing Bobby Bolthouse. 
• Rosellen at 17 at the piano with hat. 
• Rosellen in every outfit we ever bought her standing in front of the mirror.  Rosellen placing ornament on Christmas tree.
• And everything in between. 

Sorry, I digress.

Where was I?

Oh, right, changing my life. 


January - Learn a new skill
I am going to start the new year off right and start taking some lessons:  golf, tennis and/or horse-back riding.  If I learn to play golf, I can accompany Hubby, if I learn to play tennis I will have a social skill that will give me added exercise, and if I take horse-back riding lessons, I can indulge my love of horses.  I might even buy my very own horse.  I know, that's all I need.


February - Watch "Game of Thrones."

I feel like I am the only person on the planet who hasn't or isn't watching it, so I plan to rectify that.  However, I might not be able to until February, that's why I have it scheduled for then.  I placed a hold at the library for Season 1 and I am number 93 on the list, so it probably will be February until I can get started. But how did I miss it the first time around?  I am not good with most TV dramas.  As you know from my blog on reality TV, I am a reality TV girl, but I also don't like being out of the loop, so it's time I dabbled in something other than "Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars" and "Hell's Kitchen."  I will start with Season 1 and "binge watch" until I am current.  I will make food in advance, shut off the phone, put on my pink fuzzy slippers and a "Do Not Disturb" sign on the bedroom door, grab the wine guzzling poodle and immerse myself in all things "Thrones."  Who knows, I might even move on to "Breaking Bad."



March - Read Tarot Cards without having to look them up in a book

I have always had a bit of an interest in the tarot and astrology, so when I retired I thought, here is a good time to play around with that.  So I bought some cards, dutifully wrapped them in a velvet cloth, slept with them under my pillow and treated them with respect.  But learning what the cards mean without having to look up the meanings in a book is as difficult as learning a new language.  And when doing a reading, I don't look very mystical or reassuring if I lay out the cards and then have to say, "Wait a minute.  King of Wands, now just a sec...let me look that one up...oh, the Death card...wait a minute...Mmmm, a tower with a bunch of people falling from it... I don't think that's a very good card, but let me look it up."  By my next birthday, I will be Madame Rose Helene, Mystic Extraordinaire.  I might even put a sign out and make a bit of extra cash.

April - Improve my French
My library has this really cool feature on its website.  Mango is a database that helps you learn languages (check to see if your library has it).  It's free and I can't believe I haven't done it sooner.  I took eight years of French and whenever I am in France and try to speak to a French person, they interrupt me and say IN ENGLISH, "Are you American?"  I nod.  "Let's speak English."  They look at me as if I am an over done piece of filet mignon.  Merde.

May - Become a better blogger
Since I started this blog a year ago, I can see that I have not only progressed with my retirement, but with the nuts and bolts of blogging. I think it's fitting that today, on my birthday, this is my 100th blog post.  That's a kind of birthday, too, don't you think?  Happy Birthday, blog!

However, I haven't really spent the time working on my SEO (that's Search Engine Optimization for you non-bloggers - See?  I can talk blogger.  Must mean I am a professional) or making contacts with other bloggers that I should.  I met some great people early on, but I haven't kept that up, so I plan to do one thing every day that improves and markets my blog starting with this.

OK, I know that's a cheap laugh.  But dogs in costumes always work.

(Oh, and by the way, the Mango Languages I mentioned above?  You can learn "Pirate!")

June - Try not to get depressed that I am now 67 and didn't accomplish any of the above.


But you know what?  If I don't, I don't. 

Life has a way of interfering with our best intentions.  But all that really matters is that we DO have positive intentions and we keep living.

So my one main thing that I am going to work on every single day this coming year, is to say yes to everything.
 
When you are retired, it's very easy to say no. I mean, geez, if I go out, I have to put on clothes, fix my hair and makeup.  But even when you are not retired, don't you notice that your first inclination often is to say "no?" Saying no to going out.  Saying no to helping out.  Saying no to interacting. Saying no to adding a new activity to your life.  Saying no to getting up and going.   Saying no to life. Disapproving of this and that. It's sometimes easier to just stay home, keep doing the same old same old, being judgmental and living life asleep.

But in the sage words of Bob Dylan, "It ain't me, Babe."

So when I am invited to a party and need to cook a dish to bring, I will say, "Yes!" 

When I am asked to be on a committee, I will say "Yes!" 

When I have to go out of my way to help someone, I will say "Yes!" 

When someone I don't know very well asks me to go have coffee at 8:30am, I will say, "8:30?" (gulp), I mean,   "Yes!" 

But most of all, who knows what new adventure awaits when you say, "Yes?!" 

I am saying "Yes!"  Bring it on! 

Now I am going to enjoy my Birthday!

 

(I will check back in with you on this over the next year and you can check up on me too by following my blog).

Thanks for reading!

See you Friday for

 "Movies You Will Never See on an Airplane" and The Week in Reviews

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, 

email it to your friends and

LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer.