Fashion Essentials for a Woman of a Certain Age

I don't know why I do this to myself but despite the fact that the models could be my granddaughters, and I can't afford the clothes and accessories they wear, I can't resist fashion magazines.  I may not have much in common with Gigi Haddid and Kendall Jenner but show me a "Harper's Bazaar" or a "Vogue," and I can't help myself.

But that doesn't mean I am immune to it all.  Reading these magazines brings up all kinds of angst and bile and regret about growing old, not to mention I can't wear or afford most of the featured items.  So at least once a year, I am inspired to rant about fashion magazines and rail against what they say we should be wearing and doing.

So speaking of "Harper's Bazaar," they have a column called "The A-List," where someone famous "shares her essentials."  It's kind of like Nina Garcia's "What Nina Loves" that I ranted about last year ("What Rosy the Reviewer Loves and a Rant About Fashion Magazines.").  Now Nina is a woman of a certain age like myself and she can be forgiven for hawking outrageous items such as Tom Ford soap for $35 a bar and beaded Balenciaga sandals for $1375, because that's her job as a fashion editor, but when a twenty-year-old like Kendall Jenner is telling me what fashion essentials are, I have to draw the line.  I am a woman of a certain age and have pretty much given up on buying designer clothes and pricey soap, but, Kendall Jenner is a fashion icon who has millions of followers on social media and I would guess they aren't women my age.  They are young women who also can't afford some of the stuff she is saying is "essential" either.

Let's see... (and I am quoting here):

"When it comes to tops, I like something simple and easy to re-wear." Chanel sweater, $2050.

If I had a Chanel sweater that cost over $2000 it wouldn't just be easy to re-wear, I would be wearing it every day because it would be the only thing I owned!

"I wash my face a lot, wear sunscreen, drink tons of water and use Estee Lauder Products." - Rouge, $82. 

Uh, $82 for rouge? I just squeeze my cheeks like Scarlett O'Hara used to do and save myself the $82.

"I wear a watch every once in a while, usually a vintage Rolex that I really like." 

I would think she would like it.  It costs $11,000.  I would really like it too.  You notice she says she wears it every once in a while.  For 20-year-olds, a watch is not for telling time.  They have their IPhones for that.  A Rolex would be a fashion accessory that just happens to have a little thingy on it that tells the time.

"I'm a big shoe girl.  Shoes of all types, really, especially if they're comfortable."  Balmain, $1540!

For $1540 I sure hope they are comfortable, because you would have to wear thing constantly to get your money's worth!

"For jewelry, I really love chokers and sentimental necklaces.  And Chanel is always a go-to."  Chanel bracelet, $2200

OK, I can't take any more.  Speaking of chokers, I want to choke her!  Twenty years old and throwing around words like Chanel, Balmain and Rolex.  I can barely afford a sweater at Old Navy.

And I would imagine Kendall's 20-year-old followers can't afford Chanel, Balmain and Rolex either.

So why do we women, especially women of a certain age, read these magazines that show impossibly thin, impossibly young women talking about their essential fashion items that are impossibly expensive for most of us?

Well, I don't know about you, but I do it for the same reason I go to the movies.  For a short time, I can hang out in a different world.  I can imagine myself in Prada and Chanel, wearing a Rolex watch and sipping Veuve Clicquot with the beautiful people.

But more practically speaking, I also like clothes and like to keep up with the trends. I may be old, but I am not out of it.  I liked clothes when I was twenty, and I like clothes now. Certainly I can't afford the high end stuff, but if I know what's on trend, then I can usually put together something that shows I know what's going on. 

We women of a certain age tend to become invisible.  I am not having it.  I will not go quietly into old age and give up my big earrings and my leopard leggings.

And right there, that's the #1 fashion essential for a woman of a certain age.

Your Fashion Essential is YOU!

Don't give up on yourself.  Get on out there and stay there!

We may not be a 20-something Kendall Jenner who can afford to buy whatever she wants and has the best hair and make-up people at her beck and call, but we can still be presentable and look like we belong in the 21st century.

Yes, some days I don't get out of the bathrobe until noon, but at least I do get dressed and when I do, I try to look like I give a damn.

So to look like you give a damn, here are what I consider fashion essentials for women of a certain age who still care what they look like, but who don't have a lot of money to spend on themselves:

 

1. Shapewear.
If you are self-conscious about parts of your body - and who of us of a certain  age aren't? - and that self-consciousness restricts what you think you can wear, buy some shapewear, which is just a trendy name for what we used to call girdles or corsets. It doesn't have to be Spanx, which I find impossibly expensive considering all of the places on my body I need to shape.  You can get good quality shapewear at Penney's or discount places like Ross or Marshall's. Mostly I like to wear it to hold up my pantyhose when I am wearing a dress and boots or in summer to keep my thighs from slapping together when I am wearing a sundress. TMI?



 

 

2. A fashionable hat
Then you don't need to fix your hair.  However, be aware that once you have the hat on you will likely have to keep wearing it because otherwise when you take the hat off you will have hat hair.  So buy a hat your really like in case you can't take it off.

 

3. Active wear
This is just a trendy name for work-out clothes.  At least if you have some cute workout clothes, you might go to the gym...or to the mall.  I include mall walking as a work-out.

 

 

4. Make-up
When we ladies get old, I think the first thing that seems to go by the wayside is wearing make-up.  I am willing to accept that I have gotten old but I am not willing to accept how I look without mascara.  Given that, I am willing to take the five minutes it takes to slap on some make-up so I can fight the battle that is getting old.

 

5. Big Sunglasses
For when you don't want to wear make-up.

 

 

6. Trousers that make you feel good and look good
You notice I don't use the word pants.  That's for my British friends - in the UK "pants" are usually underpants so I am not talking about that here.  Trousers can be jeans or they can be a tailored trouser but they should be your go-to's, the ones you reach for when you want to look fabulous.





 

7. A fabulous coat or jacket
I am addicted to coats and jackets and they are essential to looking good when you are outside when the weather is colder.  They keep you nice and warm, and they can cover a multitude of sins. 

 

8. Black and/or white
Wearing all black or all white is a great look and also makes accessorizing easy.  Or mix the two. Always striking.

9.  A great uniform
Have a great stay-at-home outfit you can pull on without thinking and hang around the house in, but that doesn't make you look like you weren't thinking when you got dressed. You never know...the man (or woman) of your dreams might knock on the door and you don't want to be standing there in sweatpants and a t-shirt that says "My Cat Thinks I'm Cool."  Well, do you?  Even the cable guy shouldn't have to see you like that.


So here's a tip for that: I have just discovered a trick that works really well for looking good every day.  I have a ton of clothes that I have accumulated over the years.  I can basically shop my own closets.  I am not proud of my "collecting," OK, hoarding (I talked about it in May on my post "Confessions of a Clothes Hoarder"), but let's just say I am aware of the problem and am working on it.

But anyway, having so many clothes has its own problems in that sometimes I am overwhelmed with what to wear. When I am riding my stationary bike with the closet door open, I sometimes see items I haven't seen in years and think to myself, "Wow, that's cute. When did I get that?"  Sad.

So I now have this little pile of trousers/leggings and tops that I keep at the forefront of my closet and can just reach for. They consist of a few cute on trend outfits I can put on without thinking.  And I can wear the same thing a couple of days in a row if I am seeing different people.  Who will know but you?


10. Finally, as I said earlier, the best fashion essential is staying in the game.  You don't have to spend a lot to look good but spending a little time to look good will make you feel like a million bucks!

That is the most essential fashion essential: Feeling good about yourself no matter what your size, the size of your wardrobe or the wrinkles on your face.  Don't be invisible! It's your life so live it!

So I will end by sharing with you the fashion trends for fall to give you a little inspiration and to save you having to scout the fashion magazines and hang out with Kendall Jenner and start feeling bad again.

• Leopard trousers (or trousers in a graphic print)
• Military coat
• Modern loafer
• Puffer jacket
• Long trench
• Graphic bag
• Cross body bag
• Luxe fabric as in brocade
• Velvet boots

Clothes hoarding has its perks. Check, check, check, check, check, check, check, check... oops.  Yes, I have all of the items on the list including the leopard trousers...but no velvet boots.

I think I need to go for a mall walk!

 

Thanks for Reading!

 
See you Friday

 

for my review of

"War Dogs"

 

and 

  

The Week in Reviews

(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

  

and the latest on

"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  

 I Die Project."

 

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer

  

The Key to a Happy Retirement: Yes, I Have Found the Key!

Yes, that's right.  I have found the key to a happy retirement, and I am going to share it with you.

You know how all of the books on retirement warn you that the most difficult thing about retirement won't be a financial one, but an emotional and mental one?  Where once your job was your identity and gave you a sense of purpose, in retirement it is now important to find another sense of purpose so you won't go out on the golf course and drop dead because you have no sense of self worth anymore?  All those years that you worked, you had a purpose.  Your job defined you to a certain extent so if you wanted to make the transition to a happy retirement, you needed to find purpose.

When I retired, that really scared me.

When I first retired, I felt guilty leaving a job I could have kept doing, but I was 65 and I wanted to leave on a high point.  As Barbara Walters said when she retired from "The View," she wanted to leave when people would say, "Why are you leaving?" rather than wait for them to say, "Why don't you leave?"  That's how I felt too.  I had done what I meant to do, felt good about my career and the people who had crossed my path over the years, but it was time to go.  But I worried about this purpose thing I had heard about.  I had worked since I was 14 and when I married and had children, I worked and then came home to be with my family.  I didn't really have hobbies other than happy hour and going out to eat once in awhile.

So what was I going to do with all of that free time I was going to have when I retired?  How was I going to find purpose in my life?

So like the good little librarian that I was, I started to do some research.


Here are some books I read:


"The Joy of Not Working: A Book for the Retired, the Unemployed and the Overworked" by Ernie Zelinski (2003)

He recommended creating a "Get-a-Life Tree," a sort of chart where you list all of the things that you ever wanted to do.  "Get-a-Life" Tree right away signaled that maybe I didn't have a life, which was kind of depressing.  Anyway, I think he was trying to get me to realize I had more interests than I thought, but by the time I listed winning an Oscar and losing 50 pounds, it depressed me even more because it all seemed like so much work. Wasn't I retiring so I didn't have to work anymore?




"How to Enjoy Your Retirement: Activities from A-Z" by Tricia Wagner and Barbara Day (2006)

I know they were trying to be helpful, but their list of activities I might enjoy, such as learning to use an abacus or getting a face lift didn't seem like that would give me a sense of purpose.





"Retire with a Mission: Planning and Purpose for the Second Half of Life" by Richard G. Wendel (2008)

I was really hopeful with this book, because the people on the cover looked so happy and young!  But when the author said, "A negative countenance and chronic complaining have always been and will always be the pathway to isolation," I could see that I was going to have to become a completely different person to find purpose and enjoy my retirement, and I didn't see how that was going to happen.  Not this late in the game, anyway.




"How to Retire without Retreating: Getting Your Ducks in a Row for a Meaningful Retirement" by Johnnie Godwin (2004)

"As your formal career winds down, be sure to plan for the ten, twenty, or more years of retirement that await you."  Too late.  I'm already retired.  Plus, she wanted me to go to church.


So though some of the ideas in those books were helpful, they didn't really spark me to make that many changes or to embark on a new way of life.  In fact, they just made me feel pressured to fill my days with meaningful activities which reminded me of having a job again.



And then I had an epiphany that changed everything.


Yes, my job gave me purpose.  As a librarian in a public library, I was able to help many people find information that helped them make sense of the world they lived in.  I taught computer classes to help people find jobs, and I arranged for citizenship and ESL classes to be held at the library to help newcomers to the United States.  All of that made me feel purposeful. 
 
But I also realized that when I was working, every day I had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do.

Even if you loved your job, think of all of the things you really didn't want to do.

Think about it.

Every day you were confronted with activities and responsibilities you probably didn't enjoy very much and didn't really want to do.

• In my case, I not only had to show up at work, I had to show up on time, and you know I am not a morning person.
• I was only allowed a certain number of days off and sometimes when I wanted time off, it was denied.
• I had no maternity leave (I went back to work when my babies were only six weeks old), and if I had to leave to take care of a sick child, it could be a problem.
• I was a manager so I often had to address employee issues that I really didn't want to address.
• Library customers could be demanding and I had to listen to their complaints.
• I had to attend meetings that could be boring.
• I had to deal with traffic getting to and from work.

 
I could go on, but I think I've made my point, and I am sure you could make your own list of things you don't really like to do at work.

So as I have been wrestling with this whole issue of finding purpose in my retirement, here is what I have discovered.
 
Are you ready for it? 

Do you need to find new purpose to enjoy your retirement?

No.

Screw purpose.
 
Ta-da!!!

And that's the key to a happy retirement.

You don't have to find purpose, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do any more.  You are free of all of that.

The freedom of retirement is in and of itself your purpose: to be free of the constraints of a job and the realization that you don't have to do anything you don't want to do any more is purpose enough.

If you feel pressure to find a new purpose, that's like looking for a job.  And when you find your new purpose, that's like HAVING a new job, which could lead to a whole new set of things you don't really want to do.
 
Hell, your existence is purpose enough.
 
Now does that mean I sit around all day watching TV?  Sometimes, if that's what I want to do.  But, no, I don't.  I have gotten involved in a few things such as volunteering as a senior peer counselor, which I really enjoy because I still have that "I like to help people gene" in me.  I exercise regularly and write this blog, and I have tried some new things like meditation and playing with tarot cards.  But I don't have to keep doing any of those things.  I can stop doing them whenever I want to.  I don't have a boss telling me I have to do something.  I am now my own boss.

I have also tried some things that I didn't like, such as Zumba and bird watching (just kidding about the bird watching - inside joke).  The main problem with Zumba was that it was at 10am and I don't like to have to be anywhere that early if I don't have to be and since I am retired I don't have to be. 

The main point is I have tried some things, didn't like them so I stopped doing them, because I can.  I don't have to get myself into anything I can't get myself out of anymore... 
 
BECAUSE I AM FREE!

So if you are getting ready to retire or have retired and are at loose ends about what you should do with yourself, just remember this:

You don't need to spend your retirement looking for your purpose or make elaborate plans before you retire. YOU are your purpose.  Your existence is purpose enough. You are now free to do whatever you want and you are also free to NOT do anything you don't want to do any more.  You are free!

When you free yourself of the "shoulds" in your life, your mind is free to discover what you really enjoy, and if that's solving the problems of the world, fine.  But if it's sitting in a chair every day with a good book or watching "The View," that's also fine.

And for those of you out there whose identity is so tied to your job or career that you are worried about what you will say when someone asks you what you do (and this seems to be more of an issue for men), just say:

"I am enjoying my life and my freedom."

Now go out there and enjoy your life and your freedom.
 
I'm going to go watch "The View."

Thanks for reading!

 

  

See you Friday

 

for my review of

  

"The Fundamentals of Caring"

 

 

and 

  

The Week in Reviews

(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

 

  

and the latest on

 

"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  

 I Die Project."

 

 

 

  

 

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer

 

 

  

The Stresses of Being Retired

I haven't written about retirement for awhile, but since it is a state I am constantly in, it can't help but raise its little head from time to time on this blog.  So here it is again.

It's been almost three years now since I shut my office door for the last time, and I've been feeling a bit down, a bit at loose ends lately, a bit stressed, so I thought I would go back and take a look at some of the blog posts I wrote earlier in my retirement.

I had written about the things I was worried about when I retired: 

"Retirement: Do Dogs Ever Retire?" (this one is DEEP).

and "Retirement: Is the Honeymoon Over?"  This last one was written only a couple of months after I retired!  Read it and you will see why I used an exclamation point here!  And then again. 

But then six months after I retired, things were looking up when I wrote "My Retirement Journey - Six Months Later." 

That one ended with

"This IS my life now." 

And like starting one's own business, it is up to me for good or ill to make it successful.   

So now I have that list of things I want to pursue that I can add to my days at any time. 

Six months from now my routine might look very different.  My purpose changed.

But, you know what?  If it doesn't, I am not going to stress about it.  I am enjoying this time with myself."

 

Ah, the innocence of the newly retired.
 

Because three years in, I AM stressing about it.
 
When those who are not yet retired think of retirement, they are probably mostly thinking about whether or not they can afford it.  And they might think about what they will do when they have "all of the time in the world."  What they probably don't think about is STRESS.

Yes, that's right, S-T-R-E-S-S.

 
I have discovered that it is stressful to "have all of the time in the world."

I tell Hubby from time to time that "it's my day off" and he laughs saying "Every day is a day off for you (Hubby has not yet made the leap)."  But what he doesn't realize is that I see "Retirement" as my new job and I want to succeed at it. It takes work to retire successfully.  And as with all jobs, it has its stresses, and I need one day a week when I don't have to feel I need to have plans.

There is not much understanding out there in the world about retired people who are often perceived as being on a constant vacation.  I think we are also unfairly perceived as people who have bowed out of the mainstream.
 
And yet those of us who were successful in our jobs, go-getters, career-oriented, accomplished, whatever we thought about ourselves then, we don't stop striving and wanting to be successful and accomplished just because we have left our jobs.  Retirement is its own kind of career where we want to succeed and make a difference but it comes with its own stresses.


Here are some retirement stresses I am dealing with:
 

• It's very stressful to try to get out of the house by noon.

I know.  Laugh if you want to but there are morning people and not morning people.  I fall into the not morning people category.  Sleeping in as long as I want in the morning is one thing I DON'T need to stress about.  So I try very hard to not schedule anything for myself before noon because when you figure that I sleep until at least 9am and then have to make the bed, read the paper, empty the dishwasher, clean up Hubby's breakfast mess (he gets up WAY before I do), watch "The View," get dressed, fix hair, make-up, all of which takes loads more time now that I am old - by then the morning is over. 

Even without all of that stuff, there is always some household or mental distraction that keeps me from getting out the door any earlier.  It would just be too, too stressful to be anywhere earlier than that.  However, I do have some volunteer obligations that require that I leave the house before 10 so you can imagine how stressful those days are.
 

• It's stressful to see the pile of books I have accumulated that I thought I was going to read when I retired.

 

• It's stressful to go to the gym and get weighed by my trainer after two grande lattes (I know what you are thinking. If I would get up earlier and get to the gym before I had those lattes, I would weigh less...not an option).

 

 

• It's stressful when someone asks "What did you do all day" and my reply is "Uh..."

• It's stressful to try to get everything I'm not doing done to make the 4pm deadline for Happy Hour with Hubby with a smile on my face

 
• It's stressful to keep to my blog schedule when I don't have anything to write about.

• It's stressful to have to schedule time to de-stress with meditation.

 

• It's stressful to go mall walking and see something I want to buy that I don't need, buy it and then try to cram it into my closets that are already full of stuff I don't need.

•  It's stressful to say no to someone when they want me to do something for them and they know I have "all of the time in the world" but I don't want to do it.

 

• It's stressful to get to the end of the day and realize I am still wearing my nightgown.

 

• It's stressful to lie in bed at night thinking about the day and not remembering anything meaningful that I did except maybe check Facebook and eat a protein bar.

 

• It's stressful to know that I have a "to do" list that grows longer each day.

 
What I have realized is that I was less stressed when I was stressed.
 
When I was working, it was stressful, but I knew that I needed to get up each day at a certain time, be at work at a certain time, accomplish certain tasks, manage my library in an efficient way, help staff, solve problems and work with the public to try to make a difference in their lives as librarians do. Juggling a job and a family could be stressful but there was comfort in knowing what was expected of me.
 
Now there are no expectations but my own. I am my own boss and I have discovered I am a tough taskmaster. As I sink into retirement inertia, "my boss" is causing me stress and making me depressed saying things like "Get up off your butt.  You don't need to watch another episode of "Dr. Phil" or "Why are you wearing the same clothes you wore yesterday?" or "What meaningful thing did you accomplish today?"
 
So what to do?

Tell myself to get off my case.
 
I realize that like most things in life, retirement will have its own unique ups and downs and this is a temporary shift in my retirement life. When I first retired I was gung-ho and with lists in hand was going to solve the problems of the world, well, at least do some volunteering, take horseback riding lessons and learn to play golf. The volunteer work materialized but not those other two. 

Right now I am in a bit of a lazy period with a dash of "I don't know what the hell to do with my life." But I also realize there will be good days and bad days.  In fact, I talked about that a couple of years ago in "Retirement: Good Days and Bad Days." I should take my own advice. But maybe, like in real life, there will be good weeks and bad weeks or good years and bad years.

I'm just in a slump.

That's just life.

And I guess I have "all of the time in the world" to figure it all out.

But in the meantime, I'm headed to the mall for some exercise and a little retail therapy...because I can.

Like the glasses?

 

 

Thanks for Reading!

 

See you Friday

 

for my review of

"Mother's Day"

 

and

 
The Week in Reviews

(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

 and the latest on

 

"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before

 I Die Project."

 

If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer