Tuesday, April 26, 2016

Playing Devil's Advocate - Don't!


Dear Readers, today I am celebrating MY 300TH POST! 

I am celebrating and asking you to celebrate with me.  If you like my blog, then I would love you to join the celebration and share it, not just this post, but any post that you enjoy and let me know what you think.  And let's keep the celebration going.  Also thank you to all of you who have been reading my posts and supporting me.  It means a lot.  I hope you will continue to join me here every Tuesday for my "mature" rants about life and pop culture and on Fridays for my "mature" view on current films, DVDs and books and hopefully we can all share a laugh or two as well (and I promise to review more fiction)!

And for those of you who are regular readers who haven't yet noticed, Rosy the Reviewer now has her own domain name at www.rosythereviewer.com (and if you don't like to type that much, you can also get there by just typing rosythereviewer.com).

 
Anyway, today's post is one of the shorter ones.

One, because I was going on a little vacation and wanted to get ahead of the game, and two, I have something to say about this topic but not THAT much to say about it.  Some of you might be thinking, thank goodness!

Anyway, a few years ago when I was still working as a librarian, I attended a presentation at the American Library Association Conference, and it was centered around Tom Kelley's book "The Ten Faces of Innovation:  IDEO's Strategies for Defeating the Devil's Advocate and Driving Creativity Throughout Your Organization (2005)." 

Basically, the point was this.  Let me set the scene. You are happily and enthusiastically pitching an idea that you have and before you have even gotten very much of your point across, someone raises his hand (I'm sorry, I have to say "his" because it's usually a guy) and says, "Let me play devil's advocate for a minute."


Do you know what that does?  It basically says, "Shut up a minute while I try to show why your idea sucks."  End of creative thought.  And ultimately, the end of you/our taking the initiative of thinking up any more creative thoughts to share, because why bother, when there is always going to be someone who thinks it's his job to poke a hole in our idea?

Watching that presentation and hearing about that changed my whole perspective on the whole playing "devil's advocate" thing.  I will never say "Let me play devil's advocate" again.

As you know, I am retired, which technically means I am no longer working.  But that doesn't mean I am not working.  I have volunteer work that I do, not to mention this blog, my TV and movie watching and whatever strikes me as important.  As I have written about in the past, retirement is my new job and it's a lot of work!

One of my volunteer jobs is with a group that advocates for issues of interest and importance to seniors.  In this group is a guy who just can't help himself.  Every time someone brings up an idea, he says" That's interesting but I am going to have to push back on that a little."  He has a problem with every idea and has to add his two cents which is usually something that takes the wind out of the sails of the idea.  I would actually prefer he say "Let me play devil's advocate" because that sounds less bad than "pushing back," but they are both the same thing.

Think about it.  You are having a discussion and you throw out what you think is a great idea.  Instead of someone saying, "What a great idea," the person says, "Let me play devil's advocate," so you know what's coming.  That person does not think your idea is great and is now going to make you wish you had never brought it up.  And isn't it funny?  People can't even own it when they are starting an argument.  They have to blame it on the devil!  Saying "Let me play devil's advocate" is supposed to cover up what they are really saying which is "Your idea is awful and here's why."  Why don't you just tell me to "shut up?!"  Because that is ultimately what playing devil's advocate does.  It shuts people up.

Now you might be thinking, "That wouldn't shut me up.  I would just argue my point with that person."  Well, OK, that's YOU.  But you know what?  Most people are not like you.  Most people don't even share their ideas, but if they get up the courage to do it, what do you think happens when someone brings up "The Devil?"  That's the last time you will hear any ideas from that person.

And this isn't just something that happens in the workplace.  It happens among friends, in marriages and all sorts of relationships.

Here is something I wrote on Facebook three years ago and I believe it just as strongly today.

"I don't think people validate each other enough. And lord knows, lack of validation is at the heart of many emotional issues. I know growing up I would tell my mother I was feeling sad and she would say something like, "What do you have to feel sad about...etc. etc. etc." And that would be the end of it. But that was the 1950's. They didn't know any better, right? But today, we should. So when you have the chance, say, "That's a great idea," or "You are so smart" or "I appreciate that you did that for me." It means more than you know."

So as Michael Stevens wrote in his article in "Library Journal" "Speak of the Devil," he advocates "Angel's Advocates."  It's possible to share ideas without putting down someone else's.

You don't want to be known as a naysayer, do you? - Someone who always has a problem with other people's ideas? - Someone, who when you speak, everyone at the table rolls their eyes? I know when that guy in my group opens his mouth, he is going to say, "I'm sorry, I have to push back on that..." and I think, "OK, here we go..." and I am sure I am not alone.  I see a lot of eye-rolling and hear a lot of sighing.  You don't want to be that person.

I think what works best in meetings is brainstorming, that little practice where all ideas are good ones and no one is allowed to dissect them.  A good facilitator knows to take all ideas and then help the group narrow them down without stopping the flow of creativity.

In life, outside of the workplace, whether it's your significant other, your child or your friend, when someone has an idea, acknowledge it.  At the very least say "That's interesting" which is always slightly damning, but at least it's better than dismissing it.  At best, "What a good idea" is in order and then if you don't agree use "and."  Never use "but."  "But" is just another name for a "devil's advocate."  Say "What a good idea AND what about this?"  Believe it or not, there are good ideas out there that you probably don't agree with!

We don't need more devil's advocates.  It's called DEVIL'S advocate for a reason. I think the devil advocates just fine all by himself.  What we need more of are validators.

In a training I took not too long ago, one of the messages was "Connect, don't correct." 

Let's take the time to acknowledge, validate and connect. Don't worry, you will get to make your point, but if you don't first listen and validate, you will never connect and you might miss something really great.

So next time you want to say "Let me play devil's advocate" - do us all a favor. 

Be an angel and...



Don't.





Thanks for Reading!
 
See you Friday
 
for my review of
 
"The Huntsman: Winter's War"
 
and

 
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

 and the latest on
 
"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before

 I Die Project."




 
If you enjoyed this post, feel free to click on the share buttons to share it on Facebook, Twitter, Pinterest and LinkedIn, email it to your friends and LIKE me on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/rosythereviewer

Friday, April 22, 2016

"Nothing Left Unsaid" And The Week in Reviews

[I review the new HBO Gloria Vanderbilt-Anderson Cooper documentary "Nothing Left Unsaid" as well as DVDs "In the Heart of the Sea" and "Sisters."  The Book of the Week is "Born With Teeth."  I also bring you up-to-date with "My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project" with Agnes Vardas' film "Cleo from 5 to 7."]





Nothing Left Unsaid: Gloria Vanderbilt & Anderson Cooper (2016)


Mother and son, Gloria Vanderbilt and Anderson Cooper, share their lives with each other -- and us - in this HBO documentary.

Tolstoy said, "All happy families are alike, each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way."  And Gloria Vanderbilt certainly had an unusual, unhappy family life growing up.

You may have heard of Gloria Vanderbilt and even worn her jeans (I know I did)!  And I know you have heard of Anderson Cooper.  But what you may not know is that Vanderbilt is Anderson's mother.  And even if you have heard of Gloria Vanderbilt, you might not know that she married conductor Leopold Stakowski (not Anderson's father) when she was 20 and Stokowski was 63 or that Anderson's older brother killed himself by jumping out of a window right in front of his mother.

It's all here and more in this HBO documentary written and directed by Liz Garbus whose last film "What Happened, Miss Simone?" was nominated for Best Documentary Feature last year.

This film is a stunning documentary with Anderson interviewing his mother, who is now 93, so that he will not have any regrets about not asking her about his childhood and her life, so that "nothing is left unsaid."

Gloria was the original "Poor Little Rich Girl."  When her father died at 45 of alcoholism, her Aunt Gertrude (his sister) sued for custody of little Gloria, claiming her mother, also named Gloria, was unfit.  Gloria's Aunt Gertrude was Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney, who gave the world the Whitney Musuem in New York.  Gloria's mother didn't stand a chance, especially since Big Gloria's mother was also in favor of Gertrude taking custody of Gloria. It was the Trial of the Century during the Great Depression when regular folks were struggling, so they ate up all of the problems beleaguering these rich people.  They couldn't get enough of the lurid details.  And there were many: Gloria's mother was accused of debauchery, and, gasp, lesbianism.  So Gloria was raised by her Aunt Gertrude and her mother continued her sophisticated lifestyle around the world.  She saw little of Gloria.

When Gloria became of age, she visited her mother in California and got the acting bug.  She starred in a stage version of "The Swan," and those of us who owned her jeans will remember the swan logo - that's where it came from.  However, the critics skewered her and her acting career was short-lived.  But she went on to model and build her clothing empire.  In the meantime, she dated Errol Flynn, Frank Sinatra and Marlon Brando and married four times, most notably to Stokowski and to director Sidney Lumet and finally to Anderson's father, Wyatt Cooper.  He also died young, leaving her a relatively young widow and then the worst fate of all, her son Carter killed himself in front of her by jumping off the terrace of their high-rise apartment when he was 23.

Arbus tells Gloria's story through pictures and interviews and some of Anderson's own home movies (he started filming his mother when he was a teenager), but it is the interaction between mother and son that is at the heart of this film.  There is true love and affection there and you can tell they genuinely enjoy each other's company.  When Gloria reveals she had had a short lesbian affair in college, Anderson is humorously shocked.  And when Anderson talks about coming out to his mother, she offers her thoughts at the time.  She muses on her life and loves and regrets.  The film fittingly waits until the end to talk about Carter's suicide.

Yet the film ends on a positive note as Gloria says that through all of that... she has survived.  She said "It's only once you have accepted that life's a tragedy that you start to live."

The story continues with a book that Anderson and she wrote called "The Rainbow Comes and Goes:  A Mother and Son on Life, Love and Loss," published this year.

Cooper had started this process with his mother long before this film was made.  He had even thought to direct it himself, but he wanted a more objective voice to take the lead and he didn't want this to become a vanity project.  He wanted this film to stand the test of time...and it will.  It is a poignant portrait of a mother and her child that can't help but move you.

This is a stunning documentary that I predict will get an Oscar nomination or at least an Emmy next year.  It's playing now on HBO.  See it before it goes away.

Rosy the Reviewer says...every mother and child should see this film and then make sure that "nothing is left unsaid."


***Some Movies You Might Have Missed***
(And Some You Will Be Glad You Did)!

Now Out On DVD







In the Heart of the Sea (2015)


The true story behind "Moby Dick."

The film starts in 1850 Nantucket.  Writer Herman Melville (Ben Wishaw) has come to interview Tom Nickerson (Brendon Gleeson), who is the last living crew member from the sailing ship Essex that went down leaving only a few survivors.  Nickerson was a cabin boy then, but is now a depressed alcoholic.  The official cause of the wreck of the Essex was that it ran aground, but Melville has heard a rumor that it was a giant whale that scuttled the Essex and he wants to interview Nickerson so he can write a book.  He needs a "bestseller." So far Melville feels his writing career is overshadowed by that darn Nathaniel Hawthorne.

Nickerson doesn't want to talk, but his wife, (Michelle Fairley) urges him to unburden himself knowing that her husband is burdened by the memories of the Essex. So what happened out there?

Through a series of flashbacks, the story unfolds beginning with the story of Owen Chase (Chris Hemsworth) who is called in by the shipping company and offered a job as First Mate on the next outing of the Essex to get whale oil.  Chase is not happy.  He expected that his next gig would be as Captain, but the politics of whaling and the money from a rich family has given the job of Captain to George Pollard (Benjamin Walker).  So the company men promise that if Chase brings back 200 pounds of oil this time around, next time he will be Captain.  Here is an aside from a woman who usually doesn't like films like this. Hemsworth and Walker are hunks. If there aren't going to be any women in this movie, then at least I have two hunky guys to watch. I know, I'm shallow.

You see, this is not the kind of film I am usually drawn to, even with Ron Howard as director.  I like movies with women and a love story.  Not so keen on dirty whaling ships and sweaty men yelling things like "Thar she blows" and other sailing jargon. But I love Chris Hemsworth and I have to say, besides his usual gorgeous hunkiness, he puts in a good dramatic performance with a passable Nantucket accent.  

But I am getting ahead of myself here.  Let's get back to the story.

So we have the tension between Chase and Pollard.  Chase is experienced and believes he deserved the Captain job. Pollard is inexperienced and got the job on the basis of his family's wealth and he knows that Chase knows.  So of course he needs to throw his weight around a bit.  All goes well until they encounter a big ass whale that gives them and the boat as ass kicking. 

Here is another aside: After seeing them kill a whale earlier and harvest it's oil, I started rooting for the whales.  How barbaric.  I couldn't help but think, yeah, these days we are dependent on oil, and it's not good to be so dependent on oil and rape and pollute the earth for it, but before they found oil in the ground, we were getting our oil from whales which is even more barbaric.

Anyway, the Essex goes down because of the Great White Whale and the rest of the film is a survival film where the surviving crew has to indulge in some other rather barbaric acts to survive.  I will save that for you when you see the film.

Based on Nathaniel Philbrick's nonfiction book of the same title, script by Charles Leavitt and directed by Ron Howard, this film did not do well at the box office.  However, it is definitely worth seeing, though I couldn't help but think how much better it probably would have been on a big screen or even in 3-D.  The special effects are awesome.

There is a satisfying ending, especially for the whales. 

When Melville leaves Nickerson he says, oh by the way, he had just heard that someone in Pennsylvania had dug a hole and found oil in the ground.  Oil in the ground!  Imagine that!  I think the whales said, "Thank god!"

Rosy the Reviewer says...an exciting tale of survival and you get to spend two hours with Chris Hemsworth.




Sisters (2015)








When the Ellis sisters find out their parents are going to sell the family home, they decide they need to throw one last big party - for old times sake.

Maura (Amy Poehler) and Kate (Tina Fey) are close sisters whose lives have taken them in different directions.  Maura has always been a soft-hearted person wanting to help others.  She took a boy with spina bifida to prom and a deaf girl to a Sheila E. concert so she could feel the beat.  When she left home she became a nurse.  She rescues dogs, feeds homeless people and is learning to make cheese but is also sad about her divorce (all of that is supposed to be funny).

Kate on the other hand is a bit of a hothead and that has landed her jobless and homeless.  She is estranged from her daughter and let's face it, her life is a mess.  So when Maura calls and tells her to come and meet her at their parents' house in Orlando, Kate sees an opportunity to have a place to live and to reunite with her daughter.  What she doesn't know is that Maura is inviting her to their parents' house to tell her that their parents are selling the family home. 

When they arrive at the almost empty house, Maura and Kate go to the bedroom they used to share and start looking through their stuff, which is just a vehicle for Tina and Amy to do some silly shtick.  They read from their diaries - Kate's is full of daring stuff she did in high school, Maura's is boring and nerdy.  Predictable.  When the new owners - predictably uptight yuppies - come by the house, Maura and Kate try to ruin the deal by telling them there had been a murder in the house. 

So after getting over the fact that their parents (Dianne Wiest and James Brolin) are downsizing to a condo and selling the family home, the sisters decide it's time to have one last big party there. They invite all of their old high school friends and, though the party starts out boring with the 40-somethings talking about their jobs and their kids, Tina gives an impassioned speech about how important it is to party like Vikings "because we could die tomorrow."  The party naturally gets out of hand and the house is ruined.  This film reminded me a bit of "Neighbors," where Seth Rogen and Rose Byrne have to deal with a fraternity next door.  That one was funnier.

The film gave us a set-up early on.  One sister's life is a mess and she is estranged from her daughter.  The other sister is a do-gooder who is lonely and sad about her divorce. But instead of SNL writer and scriptwriter Paula Pell exploring the differences between the sisters, which would have made for a more interesting film, the film devolves into an "Animal House" type of comedy which is strange, because there was no indication earlier in the film that these two sisters were the type of girls/women to enjoy an over-the-top, anything goes kind of party. 

The movie is really just a series of scenes that allow Amy and Tina to act silly:  trying on outfits for the party (Tina puts hers on backwards), getting a pedicure and going through a too long routine with the Korean manicurist on how to pronounce her name (it's not a funny bit to begin with and goes on to the point of stupid), Maura's new love getting a music box stuck up his...  Well, you get the idea...and none of it is particularly funny.

Directed by Jason Moore, who directed "Pitch Perfect," lots of SNL alums make appearances - Rachel Dratch, Maya Rudolph, Bobby Moynihan, Kate McKinnon and Chris Parnell - along with some from other comedy shows: Ike Barinholtz (who got his start on "Mad TV"), Samantha Bee ("The Daily Show") and then there's John Leguizamo, who shows up in practically every comedy these days as some sort of edgy character. I wonder when he is going to get his own gig.

I have to say that I am starting to get a complex about comedies.  Is it me or are comedies these days NOT funny and becoming more and more reliant on raunchy or physical humor to get laughs?  Last week I ranted about the new Melissa McCarthy comedy "The Boss" and then I saw this and thought this film made "The Boss" look like a Woody Allen movie (and, just so you know, I think Woody Allen movies are smart and funny).  This stuff was really lowbrow humor, even for Hubby.  And he told me to write that.

Poehler and Fey are like sisters in real life (both play prominent roles in each others' memoirs).  One senses a real affection for each other when they are together and they are very funny when they host awards shows.  But I couldn't help but think while watching this, aren't these two ladies a bit old for a movie like this?  They are smart women who should be able to write their own smart, funny movies - like Woody Allen did.   They deserve better than this. 

Rosy the Reviewer says...if 40-somethings acting out of control and trashing a house is your idea of funny, then you might enjoy this.  Otherwise, remember I warned you.


***My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project***



252 to go!

Have YOU seen this classic film?






Cleo from 5 to 7 (1962)




Cleo, a young and beautiful French pop singer, is waiting for some medical results that she is sure will say she has terminal cancer.

Agnes Varda is one of the few women auteurs out there and the only one who made a name for herself in the French New Wave.  Originally a photojournalist, her films highlight feminist themes using location shoots and non-conventional actors.

Cleo (Corinne Marchand) is sure that she is dying.  It's 5pm and she will be getting her diagnosis at 7pm - in two hours.  The film takes us along with Cleo in real time (well amost - the film is 30 minutes shy of two hours) as she travels around Paris waiting to find out her fate.  Cleo is worried that she is dying but when she looks in the mirror she says to herself, "As long as you are beautiful you are alive."  Cleo fears death but she fears being ugly more.

The film is divided into a series of chapters, each with a time as the two hours count down.

She meets her personal assistant who fusses over her and they go to a hat shop and try on hats.  Cleo may be dying but she is also a narcissist who can't resist a new hat.

As they ride around town in a taxi, the news of the day is on the radio which is an interesting counterpoint to Cleo's predicament because it was a time in France when they were embroiled in the Algerian conflict, student demonstrations, and the Cold War. As she worries about herself, the bigger world is going on all around her. 

They go to her flat where an older lover appears, then two musicians show up who clown around and play her a song (the piano player is a young Michel Legrand). But before she leaves her apartment, she takes off her elaborate hairpiece and goes off alone and here, in this second half of the film, we start to see the real woman behind the beautiful face.

She wanders into a park where she meets a soldier who will be going off to fight in the Algerian War.  They walk around together talking, much like Richard Linklater's "Before Trilogy."  They take a bus ride to her doctor's appointment where she finds out her fate and she walks him to the train station where he is headed to whatever fate awaits him.

But as the film unfolds, we see Cleo turn from a spoiled immature girl to a more fully realized woman who can finally feel empathy for others.

Corinne Marchand is a combination of Bridget Bardot and Debbie Harry, but it is Paris itself that stars in this film. Varda's photojournalism roots are apparent as Cleo walks around 1960's Paris.

This was one of Varda's first feature films and you can always tell an auteur's early films.  She pulled out all of the stops with arty camera shots, close ups of doorknobs, framing shots into mirrors, 360 degree camera work but all of that led to what is considered her masterpiece, "Vagabond," which gave her international status.

Why it's a Must See: "The casualness of the narrative allows fiction to merge with documentary as the young woman wanders through the left bank of Paris...To a certain extent, [this film] reflects the sociopolitical tensions of its time, with Cleo witnessing the aftermath of an attack in a bar and encountering a soldier on leave who is just about to go back to Algeria -- in a way, he too can be seen as condemned."
--"1001 Movies You Must See Before You Die"

Film critic Molly Haskell said, "Through an arresting use of Paris as both visual centerpiece and reflection of a woman's inner journey, Varda paints an enduring portrait of a woman's evolution from a shallow and superstitious child-woman to a person who can feel and express shock and anguish and finally empathy.  In the process, the director adroitly uses the camera's addiction to beautiful female faces to subtly question the consequences of that fascination -- on us, on them."

Rosy the Reviewer says...if you love Paris and New Wave French films, you will like this film.
(In French with English subtitles)

***Book of the Week***





Born With Teeth: A Memoir  by Kate Mulgrew (2016)




Actress Kate Mulgrew shares her early life and her path to becoming an actress.


Growing up a large Irish-Catholic family, Mulgrew, who started out as Mary Ryan on the soap "Ryan's Hope," and then later as Captain Janeway on "Star Trek: Voyager" and recently as Red on "Orange is the New Black," knew early that she wanted to be an actress. At 18 she left Dubuque, Iowa for New York City, where she studied with the legendary Stella Adler.

She had early success in the theatre but at 22 an unwanted pregnancy stood in her way.  She was a good Catholic girl so an abortion was out-of-the question but so was raising a child alone.  So she decided to have the baby and put her up for adoption.  One of the perks of starring on a soap opera is the ability of the writer to write your real life into the story and that's what they did.  Mulgrew's acting career was full of such largesse.  She had the baby, the baby was put up for adoption but Mulgrew was haunted by that baby and what happened to her.  She was told by the Catholic agency that placed her daughter that she would never be given information about the child, but Mulgrew made it a priority in her life - to find her daughter.  But she went on with her life, having success in the theatre, in films and on TV and her share of love affairs.


Mulgrew is a good writer and she is candid about her life, her affairs, her foibles.  The book doesn't appear to include many details about her later life and her successful TV career or her life now so I think it's ripe for a sequel.

Rosy the Reviewer says...you don't need to be a fan or to know much about Mulgrew to enjoy this autobiography because it's a tale of courage and redemption.


That's it for this week!



Thanks for reading!


See you Tuesday for



"Playing Devil's Advocate - Don't!"

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Check your local library for DVDs and books mentioned.


Next time you are wondering whether or not to watch a particular film, check out my reviews on IMDB (The International Movie Database). 

Go to IMDB.com, find the movie you are interested in.  Once there, click on the link that says "Explore More" on the right side of the screen.  Scroll down to External Reviews and when you get to that page, you will find Rosy the Reviewer alphabetically on the list.
NOTE:  On some entries, this has changed.  If you don't see "Explore More" on the right side of the screen, scroll down just below the description of the film in the middle of the page.  Find where it says "Reviews" and click on "Critics." Look for "Rosy the Reviewer" on the list.
Or if you are using a mobile device, look for "Critics Reviews." Click on that and you will find me alphabetically under "Rosy the Reviewer."





 



Tuesday, April 19, 2016

The Story of a Refrigerator, or How to Get Your Complaint Heard in a World That Doesn't Want to Hear You!

You might think this a slight and even possibly a boring story, but I promise you it is neither.  In fact, this is a cautionary tale that perhaps will save you from our fate.

Once upon a time, there was a couple of a certain age.  Rosy and Hubby were a happily married couple of 30+ years except for the occasional blog post that Rosy would write that would skewer Hubby from time to time.




Rosy and Hubby were both grandparents whose grandchildren lived a thousand miles south.

One day, Rosy decided she wanted to attend the 5th birthday of her oldest grandson.  She is happily retired but Hubby still has to work and will probably work until he drops dead because he doesn't have a pension.  Sorry, Hubby, but Rosy does, so off Rosy went on an adventure.  It was an adventure because she planned to not only visit her grandchildren but to travel a couple of hours from the airport to see a sick friend, stay overnight and then travel back another 100 miles or so to stay at an airbnb all by her little lonesome near where her son and his family live.  She would be gone for six days.



It was all a happy adventure...but darkness loomed.

One day into the adventure during a routine daily phone call to Hubby it was revealed that their refrigerator of 12 years had just abruptly stopped.  No mention of trouble.  No goodbyes.  Just poof.  Gone.

Now Hubby, who is advancing in years and known to check out from time to time (see blog post "Has Your Spouse Checked Out of Your Marriage?" ) and was also not known for checking in with Rosy on things, had some decisions to make because Rosy would not be home for another 5 days.

Decision #1 should have been to not do anything, but Hubby thought he should just go buy a refrigerator on his own without Rosy present.  When he called from Sears to say he had found a refrigerator and was about to buy it, you can just imagine what Rosy said about that.  Well, you can imagine and then just add 1000% to that little imagination.

So Hubby decided it was probably not a good idea to buy a refrigerator without Rosy being there so he went home.  But he had some other decisions to make.

Decision #2 - what to do with the food in the dead refrigerator?  Now Rosy is known to have lots of ingredients because she likes to cook.  In fact, she has every sauce and ingredient known to man just in case she might need it for a new recipe. She has also stockpiled stuff "just in case." One time when a friend was staying over housesitting, she asked Rosy if she and Hubby were Mormons because of all of the staples that were stockpiled in the house.

Anyway, let's just say the refrigerator was full.

Hubby decided that he should put all of the food in a large plastic laundry basket to take it out into the garage where there was a freezer.  That is understandable. He didn't want to make multiple trips. However, the next decision is the head scratcher.  He decided to put the entire plastic laundry basket of food directly into the freezer.  Yes, you heard me, laundry basket and all.

When Rosy got home there was some discussion about that considering that the laundry basket itself took up so much room that nothing else could go in there, such as, oh...ice for the coolers that were now needed to keep the non-frozen perishables cold and bottles of wine that needed to be cooled down because Rosy needed them ASAP because of the decisions Hubby had made while Rosy was gone.

So Rosy arrives home and it's been five days with no refrigerator. They thought it would be a quick fix.  They would go to a few places, pick out a refrigerator and choose one that had the fastest delivery.  In a few days, they would be back in business!

Let me add that there were some constrictions to the search.  They wanted a side-by-side, but the refrigerator had to fit into the built-in space in the kitchen, which would not accommodate a really big refrigerator.

Anyway, they went to two other stores before returning to Sears and turns out, Sears had the one they wanted. 



They settled on one that was a step up from the one that Hubby had originally planned to buy (without Rosy present).  There was no way Rosy was going to choose that one so that Hubby would say, "That was the one I was going to buy all along.  If you had let me buy it, we would have it by now!"  No way would Rosy let that happen.  But the one she chose was definitely nicer...wine rack, separate rack for soft drinks, ice maker in the door, stainless steel accents inside.



So they asked when it could be delivered...Friday.  That was three days hence.  Deal!  No other store they had been to could get it to them faster than that.

And now the story just begins!

The old refrigerator started to smell and I don't mean a smell that would make you wrinkle your nose a little.  No, I am talking about a smell that curls your lips, makes your eyes water, your hair stand on end and makes you shout, "EWWWWWW!!!!"  It was a particular problem when Rosy wanted to get a glass of wine. Her hand and arm were so conditioned to going to that refrigerator for a glass of wine that, force of habit, she would automatically go to the old refrigerator, open the door without thinking and be bombarded with the smell.

But they only had to wait two more days!

Until...Friday.

Ring, ring.  Robo call from Sears.  Their delivery date was postponed to Tuesday.  NOOOOOO!

Hubby called the salesman.

Their choices? They could cancel the order or choose another fridge.  Not options.

OK, they would wait three more days...until Tuesday.

Tuesday morning.

Ring, ring.  Robo call from Sears.  The delivery date was once again postponed, this time to Saturday!  NOOOOO!

They started to wonder if this refrigerator even existed.

Rosy said, "OK that does it!"

That's when Rosy wrote The Letter.

The salesman didn't help.  Customer service never answered, so what do you do?  You go to the top.  Why?  Here is why.  Let's back up a bit and Rosy will speak in her own voice.

"...I have been known to write a letter of complaint from time to time and discovered the power of the pen, or in today's terms, the power of typing a letter on your computer to the CEO of the company and actually putting that letter in an envelope, addressing it in cursive, putting a stamp on it and marking it 'personal.'  You could call that The Power of Making An Effort.

I have written many letters in my day, but the first time I really felt "the power" was when we had moved into our first house.  It was a lovely little house on a quiet street. 



Until Trader Joe's came to town!

Across the street and down a driveway facing onto the main street on the other side of the block was a liquor store that had gone out of business.  We didn't think anything of that when we bought the house, but we obviously hadn't done our homework because when we returned from a vacation, Trader Joe's had moved in across the street and semi-trucks were coming down our street and turning into the driveway in back of the store -- right in front of our house!  You see, it was the first Trader Joe's in our town and everyone wanted to go there.  Add to that a Blockbuster and an inadequate parking lot and it was a nightmare.  We and our neighbors managed to turn that driveway into a walkway so the semis went away, but Trader Joe's employees started parking on our street behind the store and walking in via that driveway.

Now I can't really explain my actions and what happened next other than being menopausal. 

For some reason, even though I knew it was a public street and a free country, those employees parking across the street from my lovely little house, coming and going, doors slamming and hello's and goodbye's at all hours of the day and night really, really bothered me.  So menopausal or not I didn't want Trader Joe's employees parking in front of my house and that's that.  So I wrote a letter to the CEO.  And guess what?  The employees stopped parking there.  I think it must have been my comment about what a bad neighbor I thought Trader Joe's was.  I don't think he liked being called a bad neighbor.  In fact, he said so in his conciliatory letter that he wrote back to me.

The second time I realized the power was not too long ago when we discovered that our Comcast On Demand wasn't working so I innocently called customer service and got "Jay."  It was after hours and "Jay," a very nice fellow but clearly not an English speaker and clearly reading from a script (I was pretty sure this was one of those call centers in Mumbai or someplace like that) did what he could, but you know that thing where you know just enough to know that the person trying to help you isn't going to be able to help you?  It was like that, so I couldn't wait to get off the phone.  I did what he recommended but it didn't work.  So the next morning, I called again and I SWEAR TO GOD, I got the same guy!  Do these guys work 24 hour shifts?  Anyway, more stuff that didn't work and now I WAS REALLY MAD.  So I found the name of the CEO and his address and dashed off a letter about Comcast's poor customer service.


Here is a taste of my letter:

Dear Mr. Roberts:

I just want to let you know that I have just spent two of the worst days of my life dealing with your company.  I now know why young people bypass cable and find their TV viewing using Roku, HBO To Go, Netflix and all of the other ways they get by without cable.


The reason is that your support is terrible.
[I shared the error message we were getting when we tried to access On Demand]

So I called my cable provider.  YOU.  And spoke with some kid in some foreign land who knew nothing.  He was pleasant enough but spent more time reading off a script and apologizing.


Blah, blah, blah...I gave him a piece of my mind.
Anyway, in the meantime I took it upon myself to book a service call.  Right after that, I received a phone call from one of Mr. Roberts' people - he had received my letter - and she was ready to bend over backwards for me. I told her I had a guy coming out, but she gave me her private number and said if that didn't work, to call her. The guy came, knew immediately what the problem was (turns out when they upgraded us outside, it screwed up our TIVO connection) - long story short it was fixed ON MY OWN INITIATIVE.  However, as promised, she called me back to be sure we were OK and she knocked $50 off our bill for our trouble.

So now I am back to the story of the refrigerator. 

What do you think I did? 

Why, I wrote a letter to the CEO, of course, and told him my whole tale of woe...how we were living out of coolers, I was getting fat from eating out at restaurants every night, we were going to have to spend the Easter weekend with no refrigerator (not that we had anything special going on, but he didn't need to know that).

In a flash, I received a phone call (I didn't include my email address on purpose) from Mary* (*not her real name) who now wanted to be my best friend.  She called to tell me she had been in touch with the manufacturer, the warehouse and everyone in between and delivery would definitely be Saturday.  She said she would call me on Monday to make sure everything went smoothly -- and it did...and she did.  We also received a $75 gift card and a mini-fridge to tide us over (that we could keep).

So this story has a happy ending. 

The bottom line is, yes, some things went wrong.  Yes, we were put out and unhappy.  But Sears made it right.  Has this letter writing always worked?  No. We went through two Bosch dishwashers in 7 years and they didn't seem to give a damn despite my damning letter about what a crappy product they had that would only last a couple of years.  But Sears did. So I salute them and wish them well.

So if you have a problem with a service or product, you should start with customer service (keeping in mind that a customer service rep doesn't really have the power to grant you what you may be after). 

But if you are not getting satisfaction there, I highly recommend going to the top and letting that person know how you feel.  Believe it or not, I think they want to know.  Don't send an email.  Write a good old-fashioned letter that clearly and concisely states your case. Use good English and correct spelling.  Be careful to not be too insulting but don't be afraid to use strong language either, such as you will tell all of your friends, and you have MANY, never to shop at that store again!  Put it in an envelope and put a stamp on it. 

Now you might say, "But I don't know who the CEO is or the address." 

Well, my dear readers, here is where the library comes in again. 

Your library most likely has a website.  Go there.  Find their list of databases or research page and click on the business resources.  There should be something like "A-Z Databases (that's what my library has)" or some sort of corporate database that has all of that information.  Too daunting?  Pick up the phone, call the library, ask for the reference librarian and ask him or her to look it up for you.  Voila!

So now we have the refrigerator, it's full, especially the wine rack, which is very important, and Rosy and Hubby and the new refrigerator lived happily ever after. 






Rosy had a little talk with the refrigerator about what her expectations were.

The End.



Postscript:

Hubby just called up from downstairs.  The water dispenser in the new refrigerator is not working!

GRRRRR!!!

Here we go again!

(Postscript:  All is well.  Rosy and the refrigerator are getting along just fine)!


Thanks for Reading!
See you Friday
for my review of the stunning new HBO documentary

"Nothing Left Unsaid:

Gloria Vanderbilt
and
Anderson Cooper"
and

 
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

 and the latest on
"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before

 I Die Project."




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