Why Long Distance Relationships Don't Work

You might think this post is about long distance romantic relationships.  Though I have had to endure those, too, it's not.  It's about trying to maintain a relationship with family members who live far away.

My Mom and Dad were born, lived their lives and died, all in the same town.  My Dad was an only child, but my mother had five brothers and a sister and almost all of them also lived in that same town all of their lives.  That's the way most people lived in the mid-20th century.

However, the Baby Boomer generation felt differently and many of us wanted to experience the world outside of our small towns.  I grew up in Michigan and for some reason, everyone wanted to move to California so that's what I did. 

Right after college I moved to California and, except for some brief back and forth forays due to some unhappy situations in my life, that's where I stayed until a few years ago when I moved to Washington State.

I am sure my parents were not happy that I decided to make that move, especially my mother.  But another thing about parents of Baby Boomers - they all had pretty stiff upper lips.  If they were upset about it, they didn't really show it, though over the years my mother would say things like, "Well, if you didn't live so far away..."

I know it's difficult for young people to even grasp this concept, but back when I was in my 20's and 30's,  there were no cell phones with unlimited calling, no email, no Skype, no Facetime.  If you wanted to talk to your parents or they to you, you had to call long distance. 

Now for my younger readers, long distance was not just a description of how far away we lived from each other, but the term for calling someone who didn't live in your area code, and a long distance call cost quite a bit of money.  My mother would almost invariably say during what was already a short phone call, "Well I don't want to run up your phone bill," which was code that it was time to get off the phone.  It was also code for "Goodbye," because she would then abruptly hang up the phone!

Likewise, you could call collect, which I did quite often in my youth when I worked jobs that didn't pay much.  Calling collect meant you talked to a telephone operator first who placed the call.  When your Mother or Dad answered the phone, the operator would say, "Collect call from Rosy. Will you accept the charges?" and then the call would go onto their phone bill.  It was also not uncommon to try to get around the charge by arranging with your parents ahead of time that you would place a collect call when you arrived home so they would know you had arrived safely. When asked by the operator if they would accept the charges, they would say no but they knew you were home safely. A free long distance call.  Hey, we had to be tricky like that.

The other way we communicated was by writing letters. 

Yes, you heard me.  I am not talking about typing out an email, but actually putting pen to paper and writing a letter in longhand.  If I was on a roll, I would write my parents once a week to let them know how I was doing.  I still have some of those letters because my Mother kept them.  My Mother and my Dad would write long letters.  My mother's letters were full of details about her social life, potlucks she attended, what she ate, I mean right down to the ingredients in the food, who she saw and whether they looked older than she did and other stream of consciousness, whereas my Dad's letters were always philosophical and might have included his most recent "Letter to the Editor."  Both were comforting in their own ways.

I didn't get home much, especially after I had kids.  Airfare was more expensive in those days, and I didn't have much money.  My parents would come out for visits every year or so, mostly my mother by herself, especially to see her grandkids.

At the time, it didn't seem like such a big deal.  I knew my parents loved me and were out there in the world and that seemed to be enough.  I didn't give much thought to the fact that I hardly knew much about their lives and them as people because I interacted with them so rarely.  Now that they are gone, I think about that a lot and wish things had been different.

So since I left home, I shouldn't have been surprised that my kids would do the same, right?  Wrong.  It was just as much of a shock to me as it must have been to my mother.  I had this idea that our kids thought we were cool and we would all hang out together forever. I liked my kids and looked forward to having them nearby as adult friends.  It's a nice thought but these days our kids have to go where the jobs are and where their hearts take them.  As it was, our kids grew up in a small town that had more rich retired people and tourists than young people with careers, so off they went to college and they never lived with us again.

When my kids left home I tried to stay relevant.  Looking back, I can see that I just didn't have a clue about how to be a long distance Mom.  It hurt my feelings when they didn't answer their phones. They both had cell phones and I knew they knew it was me.  Or when they did answer, our conversations were often short and terse.  I took it personally.  So I decided to avoid feeling like that, they should call me when they had the time.  I figured that was better.  That way, they would call when they had the time to talk.  That worked a bit better, but they still didn't have much to say.  I guess I had forgotten how happy I was to get out on my own and how little I had in common with my own parents when I was 18 and knew everything.

These days it is the most natural thing in the world for our kids to move out of the house and have their own lives.  Some go to college, some join the military, some get transferred to other cities.  It is probably more unusual for people to live in one town all of their lives.  And we want our children to have their own lives, right?  And these days, it's not easy for our kids to get started.  It's expensive.  So I am proud and happy that both of my kids are launched, as they say, and are successful and have their own families.

But I'm not happy that I don't see them much. 

When your kids don't live close by, it becomes more and more difficult to maintain a close relationship.  When you think that for 18 years, people lived in your house, you saw them every day, you thought you had the same values because they obeyed the rules, right?  You ate together, you traveled together, you played games together, you had shared histories.  You thought you knew them, and then one day, they are gone and suddenly you discover they have their own values and ideas about how they want to live.  "When did you start eating tuna sandwiches?"  "Since when do you like jazz?"

Suddenly your kids are creating their own histories and it's not with you.  And that's what's wrong with long distance relationships.  Without a shared history, it is difficult to have a close relationship.  You just don't know them anymore.

A shared history is often the main thing that keeps couples together during difficult times and the same is true of your relationships with your family members.  You lose touch with who they really are because you no longer have the same experiences.  You are not creating memories together anymore.

I love my children and I know they love me, but now that they are adults with spouses and children (and I will get to grandchildren in a minute), their own families and lives are their primary focus, as they should be, but the added barriers of distance and time make it difficult for us all to share out lives.

Yes, we visit but I feel that visiting family is a strange thing.  When you don't see your family very often, when you do see them the push is on to make every minute count.  For example, if your adult children lived in the same town, you might get together once a week for Sunday dinner or to play golf or to watch your grandchildren play sports.  You would all go about your business most days, but get together when you wanted to.  But when you don't see your family members very often and then you do for a long weekend or a week's visit, the pressure is on to make the most of your time together, doing things together for entire days, 24/7, and likely disrupting normal schedules.  It's no wonder that family gatherings at Christmas and Thanksgiving have such a bad reputation for arguments and dread.  But why would we expect to just naturally have a wonderful time with people we rarely see?

We can maintain relationships with our family members by calling regularly, using Skype, even writing letters (gasp!), but in our crazy, busy lives, even those little niceties can fall by the wayside.

And then there is the whole issue of grandchildren who live far away.  Likewise, we grandparents want our grandchildren to know who we are and to love us, which is not easy when we only see them a few times a year.  Growing up, my grandparents lived across the street so I saw them all of the time.

But these days it is not unusual for grandparents to live far away. I actually wrote about that in a blog post called "Parenting and Grandparenting from a Distance."  Re-reading that one, I see that I gave some good advice, some of which I haven't followed myself!

So you can see how long distance relationships not only don't work very well, but can lead to isolation, regrets, loneliness and the feeling that you are no longer relevant in your children's lives.


So long distance parents and grandparents, what do we do about it?


Though I will always believe that long distance relationships don't really work very well, there are some things we can do to try to make ithem work.

• Take the initiative to create memories. 

 

By that I don't mean whine to your kids about how lonely and isolated you feel.  I did that and believe me it doesn't work.  No, I mean, try to figure out how you can make some memories together and act on it.  My daughter and I have started a mother/daughter vacation that we hope will be a regular thing.  Last year we met up and toured Santa Fe, Taos and Albuquerque together, just the two of us, which, of course I wrote about ("How to Have a Successful Mother/Daughter Getaway..."). 

It included some of our favorite things: eating and shopping!

 

When you go on a trip together, away from each other's routines, it feels more like a fun vacation (which it is) than a forced visit.

• Accept your adult children for who they are now.

I know it's difficult to think of that little tow-headed girl as a grown-up with her own beliefs that might not be yours, but you have to accept that she has grown up and respect her as she is now.  My mother was still telling me to stand up straight and smile more when I was in my 40's, which didn't do much for a happy adult relationship.  So when you do get to see your adult children, don't go into mother mode, nag them about their posture or try to change them, get to know the adults they are now.

• Text and email ideas, stories and information you think might be of interest.

It is difficult to stay close to people when you are not sharing daily or weekly events.  Though you are far away, you can still keep your kids in your life by sharing your observations and ideas via text and email.  Don't necessarily expect a reply or get upset if you don't get one.  You are letting them know they are in your thoughts and they are learning some things about you too.

• Be a supportive listener.

Your kids probably have busier lives than you do now, so when they do contact you, make it about them, not you, so you can be a part of the experiences they are having, even if just vicariously.

• Keep in contact with your grandchildren. 

If they are little, send them cards and Skype or talk to them on the phone.  When they are older, maybe they will actually let you friend them on Facebook! Visit when you can.  Try to be there for the big events. It's easier for you to travel than for a family with little children.

• Relish the memories and shared history that you do have with your children and grandchildren and continue to try to create new ones.

• And then... plan to move in with them!

So my fellow long distance parents and grandparents, hang in there!  As my mother used to say, "It will get better."

 

How do you handle your long distance family relationships?

 

Thanks for reading!

See you Friday

for my review of

 

"Our Kind of Traitor"


and 
 
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

 
and the latest on

"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before  
 I Die Project."



 

 

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"Now You See Me 2" and The Week in Reviews

[I review the new movie "Now You See Me 2" as well as the DVDs "45 Years" and "Ride Along 2." The Book of the Week is Bobby Brown's memoir "Every Little Step: My Story."  I also bring you up-to-date on "My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project" with Robert Bresson's "A Man Escaped."]




Now You See Me 2

The "Horsemen" have come out of hiding from the first " Now You See Me" to star in this sequel.  They should have stayed in hiding.

With all of the bad stuff happening in the world today, why do we have to have movie sequels to add to the agony?  I mean, the summer is awash in sequels. It's called "Sequel-itis."  Now I don't mind sequels that are based on books and have a natural progression and reason for a sequel: Harry Potter, "Lord of the Rings," "Hunger Games"... It makes sense that those movies would have sequels, because they are part of a popular series of critically-acclaimed books, but in many cases, we are getting sequels for movies that not only didn't come from well-reviewed books, they came from movies that weren't very good in the first place.   "Conjuring 2," "Independence Day: Resurgence," "Ride Along 2 (see review below)," "My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2" and now this.  It seems like they can put out a sequel for anything.  What's next?  "Citizen Kane 2: Rosebud's Story" or "Casablanca 2: The Do-over?"

If you saw the first "Now You See Me" (and actually, this sequel will make more sense if you did see the first one), you will remember that "The Four Horsemen" are masters of illusion and work for a mysterious organization called "The Eye."  The four are amateur magicians: J. Daniel "Danny" Atlas (Jesse Eisenberg), Merritt McKinney (Woody Harrelson), Henley Reeves (Isla Fisher who has made the smart move not to return for the sequel), and Jack Wilder (Dave Franco), who were brought together in the first film and hired by insurance magnate Arthur Tressler (Michael Caine) to perform an elaborate Las Vegas act. However, they turn the tables on Tressler, because Tressler is a bad guy who denied Hurricane Katrina victims their insurance. 

You see, the "Four Horsemen" are modern day Robin Hoods who steal from the rich and shower the money on the audience.  So now the FBI is involved, which brings in Mark Ruffalo as Agent Rhodes, as well as Thaddeus Bradley (Morgan Freeman), a James Randi type who debunks magic tricks and shows how they are done. However, the "Horsemen" manage to not only turn the tables on the villainous Tressler, but frame Thaddeus.  We also learn that Dylan, whose father was a magician who died doing an escape trick inside a faulty safe, is the mastermind of the "Horsemen" and has been working with them all along to avenge his father's death!

Whew!  With me so far?  And that was just the first one!

So now we have the sequel, which is just as confusing.

It begins with a young Dylan watching his Dad die in that escape trick that went awry.  But that's about all you get as a catch-up from the first film.

Back to the present, the three remaining "Horsemen" have been in hiding.  Miraculously, Dylan is still working for the FBI, pretending to be looking for the "Horsemen."  Since Isla Fischer made the smart decision to not return for the sequel, her absence is explained away and they are joined by Lizzy Caplan as Lula.  Her expertise is pickpocketing and, I have to say, Caplan's dizzy character is quite captivating. 

They all meet up with Dylan who tells them their next mission is to expose Owen Case (Ben Lamb), a rich entrepreneur who has invented a cell phone that secretly steals the user's data so he can use it for his own purposes. In fact, the technology allows someone to access every computer IN THE WORLD! The mission is to hijack Case's launch party and expose Case's intentions, but right in the middle of their presentation, a mysterious voice takes over and exposes not only the "Horsemen," but Dylan's undercover identity in the FBI as well.  As they make their escape, they are captured by some bad guys, one of whom is Merritt's twin brother, Chase, which just gives Woody Harrelson more screen time, and they are all taken to Macau where they meet Walter Mabry (Daniel Radcliffe), Case's former business partner.  Mabry faked his own death after Case stole his company and has been working behind the scenes in Macau to get his cell phone technology back.  He wants the "Horsemen" to steal "the stick" that contains the technology or he will kill them.

This scenario now gives them all the opportunity for yet another elaborate heist, as we saw in the first film, along with all kinds of mistaken identities, plot twists and illusions.  And speaking of the illusions.  Even though, after each one they show how the tricks were done, which could be very cool, the illusions themselves are so improbable and so reliant on CGI that even when explained, you can't believe them.  Suspending disbelief is one thing, but after awhile some of these stunts are just ridiculously unbelievable.

Still with me?  There is more, much more, but I am going to stop with that. Just explaining the first third of the movie has ME confused and my head is still spinning.  Just because a movie is about illusion and magic, does that mean it doesn't need to make sense? At the end, one of the characters says, "We still have 6 million questions."  You said it!

Eisenberg is his usual twitchy self, Woody hams it up as the twin brother, Franco flashes that big smile of his, and Ruffalo is as laconic as ever.  Ruffalo, coming off a Best Supporting Actor nod for "Spotlight," should know better. But it's Caplan who shines.  She is the best thing about this movie.

Directed by Jon M. Chu with a screenplay by Ed Solomon, I hate to say this, but the ending leaves this franchise open for yet another film.  Please don't.
 
I reviewed the first "Now You See Me" back in 2013.  I didn't like that one and I didn't like this one. I can't for the life of me figure out why we needed a sequel.

Rosy the Reviewer says...Now you see me, now you don't.  I vote for "Don't."

 ***Some Movies You Might Have Missed***

(And Some You Will Be Glad You Did)!

Now on DVD

45 Years (2015)

A couple, married for 45 years, are planning a celebration for their anniversary until some news from the past impacts their marriage.

Charlotte Rampling plays Kate Mercer, a happily married woman. Tom Courtenay plays her husband, Geoff. They are planning a big celebration of their 45th wedding anniversary, but then Geoff receives a letter.  A body has been found encased in ice in a glacier in Switzerland.  It's his first love, Katya, who had fallen to her death years ago when they were hiking in the Swiss Alps.  The letter arrives just as Kate and Geoff are planning a party to celebrate 45 years of marriage. 

The letter lists Geoff as Katya's next of kin. Geoff confesses to Kate that Katya and he had pretended to be married to make it easier to get a room together.  The story slowly unfolds as Kate asks Geoff questions about his first relationship and secrets and regrets come to light. If Katya hadn't died, would you have married her?  Yes. 

So now Kate is confused, feels like second best. The letter has brought up topics they had never talked about in 45 years.  Remembering the girlfriend he had when he was 25 brings back feelings in Geoff about his youth and that perhaps life has passed him by.

"The worst part of getting decrepit...is losing purposefulness."

"As we get older, we stop making choices...but the choices we make when we are young can be bloody important."

Geoff can't stop thinking of Katya and Kate can't stop thinking about her either.  When Kate goes up into the attic to try to find out what memories he is harboring, she discovers all kinds of pictures of Katya and mementoes and she also discovers that Katya was pregnant when she died.

Even after 40 years of marriage there can be jealousy and insecurity about lost youth and what went on before you. The fact that Katya was found encased in ice, perfectly preserved, forever 25, is a threat to the aging Kate.

Watching this film, we learn that you can be married for 45 years and there still can be things you don't know about your spouse. What do you do after 45 years of marriage when your husband's past rears its ugly head?  And what do you do with your own secrets?

I think about my own parents who were married for over 50 years.  I can't help but wonder what secrets and regrets they harbored.  But even if they had them, does that negate 50 years of marriage? We are couples, but we are also separate people with our own separate youths, our own separate thoughts and our own separate secrets and regrets.  It's a miracle, in light of that, that we get together and stay together at all.

Of course there has to be a sex scene.  It's a British film!  I saw my first bare bottom in a British film in 1966. And let's just say that the fact that Jeff has some erectile disfunction is at least realistic.  Things do get harder as we age, or should I say...well, you know.

Rampling puts in a subtle, but stellar performance as a woman who suddenly has doubts about her 45 year marriage.  I have to say that Rampling has the best "resting bitch face" in the business.  Don't get me wrong.  She was and is a beautiful woman, but when she is not smiling, well, she looks like a bitch. And speaking of which, she was nominated for a Best Actress Oscar for this performance, but when she made that bitchy, insensitive remark in response to the brou-haha over the lack of diversity at this year's Oscars, I hate to say that it took away from what was a brilliant performance here.

Tom Courtenay is always good and doesn't disappoint. This film is what would be called in Britain, a two-hander.  It's mostly just the two of them grappling with this new information about each other after 45 years together and each actor puts in a superb performance.

Directed by Andrew Haigh with a screenplay by him adapted from a short story by David Constantine, the film plays out in the beautiful Norfolk countryside with a background score full of popular songs from the sixties, which adds to the atmosphere of the past when Courtenay and Rampling, too, were young hot stars with their whole lives ahead of them.

Rosy the Reviewer says...a thoughtful film with stunning performances.





Ride Along 2 (2016)

Cops Ben Barber (Kevin Hart) and James Payton (Ice Cube) head to Miami to take down a drug dealer. Hilarity ensues.  Well, there was supposed to be hilarity.

Ben, who you may remember from the first film, was a security guard who really wanted to be a cop.  Well, now he is one, and he is just out of police training school.  He is also about to get married to James' sister, but Ben's wife-to-be and the pushy wedding planner (Sherri Shepherd) want Ben out of their hair, so when James, who is the experienced police detective, is sent to Miami to track down a drug lord, he takes Ben with him to prove to him once and for all that he doesn't have what it takes to be a detective.

Now right there, I have to stop.  These are ATLANTA cops.  Since when do Atlanta cops go down to Miami to solve a crime that took place in Miami?  Am I missing something here?

Benjamin Bratt plays Antonio Pope, a Miami shipping company owner and kingpin drug dealer who has been bribing port commissioners to get his drugs into the country. He has also been supplying drugs to Atlanta so I guess that's how our guys are getting involved. Improbable, but OK. Pope thought he had the last Port Commissioner in his pocket, but when he discovers that wasn't the case, he has the Port Commissioner killed.  This is all overheard by AJ (Ken Jeong), Bratt's hapless computer hacker.

When Ben and James get to Miami they hook up (no, not that kind of hook up) with police officer, Maya played by Olivia Munn, not to be confused with Olivia Wilde.  (Olivia Munn is the one going with the football star, Aaron Rogers.  And Olivia Wilde is going with Jason Sukeikis.  I always get them confused). Anyway, Ben and James find out about AJ and go to his house, but he runs off because he knows that what he knows about Bratt can get him killed. But eventually they all work together. 

James is the experienced undercover cop and Ben is just out of training.  It becomes clear early on that Ben is going to be our resident screw-up and, just like in the first film, that's what happens. Every plan gets gummed up by Ben. Ice-Cube basically plays a grumpy straight man to Hart's Ben, who talks non-stop and is bent on messing everything up.

I sometimes think there are certain movies that don't play out well on the smaller screen in our homes even if the smaller screen is 80 inches.  I saw this movie on a 50" and for an action film it didn't feel very "action -y." It had the usual car chases, things blowing up, foot races, etc. but they just weren't very exciting.  And maybe that was because they couldn't make up for the fact that this was supposed to be a comedy and it wasn't funny.

Ben is marrying James' sister so there are lots of jokes about James not liking Ben and their being brothers-in-law and we know Kevin is short, so there has to be tons of short jokes too. Ken Jeong is funny but not funny enough to make up for this film not being funny.

Directed by Tim Story with a script by Phil Hay and Matt Manfredi, this is a plot that has been done many times before, but the plot doesn't really matter, because it's just a vehicle for Hart to do his thing - set ups for him to scream, to be attacked by an alligator, to talk incessantly.  I am a big Hart fan but this film just doesn't do him justice.

Rosy the Reviewer says...I didn't laugh.

 

 

***My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project***

246 to go!

Have YOU seen this classic film?






A Man Escaped (1956)

French Resistance fighter Fontaine awaits death in a Nazi prison.  His only hope is to escape.

Based on the true account of an imprisoned French Resistance leader, Andre Devigny, who managed to escape from prison on the very day he was to be executed, this film is "considered one of the greatest prison-break movies ever made (Tony Pipolo)."

It's Lyon, 1943.  Freedom fighter Fontaine (Francois Leterrier) is alone in a Nazi prison cell but attempts to communicate with his neighbors by tapping on the wall.  He climbs up on a ledge and can see out into the courtyard and is able to communicate with those walking back and forth. Some days he is able to pass notes to other prisoners.

So what does one do when one has been given a death sentence, is alone in a bare cell, with the days stretching out ahead and nothing to do except listen to the distant sound of rifles executing your fellow inmates?  Why, you do whatever you can to escape.  Fontaine fashions a chisel out of a metal spoon he has managed to steal and starts to chip away at the wooden door frame until he finally creates a hole big enough to slip through but which he can also put back together.  He wanders the prison at night undetected, making his escape plans.  He creates rope out of his bed springs and bedding and all of this is leading up to his big escape along with Jost (Charles Le Clainche), a young inmate he befriends, who looks just like a young Matt Damon.

It's all very slow, very methodical and very existential.

Why it's a Must See:  "Like all of Robert Bresson's films, this one illustrates the director's long-developed theories of the 'cinematograph' - nonprofessionals giving strict de-dramatized performances, enormous emphasis on offscreen sound and the information it carries; music held off until a final, glorious moment. And like the other great prison films of French cinema...[this film] offers a remarkably potent allegory of human suffering and the drive to liberation.  At the same time, it delivers a taut form of suspense to rival the best of Alfred Hitchcock."
---"1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die"

Director Bresson is considered one of the most influential filmmakers in French cinema. French Director Jean-Luc Godard once wrote, "Robert Bresson is French cinema, as Dostoyevsky is the Russian novel and Mozart is to German music." He was noted for his minimalist style: using non-actors, little music and spare production values.

The film highlights our needs as humans to connect with others and to be free.  But watching Fontaine chisel his way out of his cell was tantamount to watching paint dry.  The prison break itself, which is highly dramatic and tense, only takes up the last twenty minutes of this film and, for me, it was a long slog to get there.

Rosy the Reviewer says...though I can appreciate the artistry of this film, just not my kind of film.
(In French with English subtitles, b & w)

 

 

***Book of the Week***

Every Little Step: My Story by Bobby Brown and Nick Chiles (2016)

Singer Bobby Brown shares his story and the aftermath of the deaths of his ex-wife, Whitney Houston and their daughter, Bobbi Kristina.

Bobby Brown started his career when he was only 14 as a member of the New Edition.  He quickly made a successful solo career and by the time he was 20, he was a full-fledged hip-hop star who easily crossed over into the R & B and Pop charts.  Who, in the 80's, doesn't remember dancing to "My Prerogative?"

But for the younger generation, Brown's singing career is probably overshadowed by his marriage to Whitney Houston and her subsequent untimely death.  Likewise, when their daughter Bobbi Kristina also died young in the same manner as Whitney, it was all tabloid fodder and Brown's influence was blamed for much of it.

Here he attempts to set the record straight.

Brown starts out with what was a happy childhood, though a hardscrabble one, in a rough neighborhood in Boston. He had a gift for dance which led him to form a boy group - New Edition - when he was only 14.  By the time he was 17, he was a big star.  But when he met and married Whitney Houston in his early  twenties, his fame became infamous, especially after their short-lived reality show "Being Bobby Brown," where the two came off as crazy drug-addicts, which was especially shocking for Whitney's fans.  Whitney had always had a "girl next door" look and reputation so, naturally, Bobby's bad influence must have led her down the wrong path. He has been accused of introducing her to drugs, of domestic violence and other crimes, and cheating, all tabloid fodder to which Brown replies is all wrong and for much of this, he blames Whitney's relatives, the Houston family.

According to Brown, Whitney was doing drugs before they met and was hardly Miss Goodie Two Shoes.  Yes, he has been to prison but it was a misunderstanding about a probation violation for a DUI.  Yes, he hit Whitney, but only once and for that he is truly remorseful.  Yes, he cheated but so did she. In the end, Brown, now in his 50's, wants you to know that he loved both Whitney (they were married for 15 years) and Bobbi Kristina, and he is a committed family man who has been clean for several years.

There is no doubt that Brown has suffered greatly from both Whitney's death and Bobbi Kristina's, and he has paid the price of a life maybe not so well lived.  This is a cautionary tale of what can happen when someone very young has too much fame and too much money too soon, but Bobby still believes he was born to entertain and that he was unfavorably portrayed in the press.

"People need to understand that I love this industry with all my being.  Entertainment is...what I was born to do...Yes, I might fall short sometimes, and I've gotten mixed up in drugs and alcohol and all of that, but that comes with show business.  It comes with the territory.  I want people to understand that when I hit that stage, if I'm a beast, then that's my truth.  That's what Bobby Brown is.  Were you entertained?  If you were, that's what matters...In this day and age, the media dissects every inch of your life, everything that has nothing to do with entertaining.  And critics and journalists write all these ridiculous things about me but have no idea of the craziness I went through before I even got into the industry, all the people I've lost...Drugs were a crutch to deal with early pain, and I know now that the pain has to be dealt with in other ways in order for me to be the best I can possibly be.  And I'm working on that, on a daily basis."

Rosy the Reviewer says...a believable and sad cautionary tale and a bit of a mea culpa.

 

That's it for this week!

 

 

Thanks for reading!

  

See you Tuesday for

 

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What I Have Learned from "Game of Thrones"

I am feeling kind of depressed today, and I think it's because Season Six of "Game of Thrones" just ended.

If you read this blog, you know I am a hopeless TV addict, so you will be surprised that I have not watched or binge-watched the many long-running dramas such as "Mad Men," "Orange is the New Black," "Breaking Bad," "The Good Wife" and other shows that have been so popular.  I guess I've been too busy with "Naked and Afraid" and "Marriage Boot Camp: Reality Stars."

However, there is one drama that Hubby and I have become hooked on and that is "Game of Thrones."

It wasn't that long ago that I didn't know my Cersei from my Jon Snow.  "Game of Thrones" had already been on for five seasons when I decided to give it a try.  My daughter was an avid fan and had been talking about it so much that I was intrigued.  So when Season Five began last year, I started TIVO'ing it and then ran to the library to get the earlier seasons to binge watch and get caught up. I figured that if we watched a couple shows per week of Seasons 1-4, we would be caught up by the time I had all of the Season Five episodes taped (I have since been disabused by a friend that watching a show two times a week is NOT binge-watching so I guess I'm still learning). 

We had a trip to Rome and the Amalfi Coast planned during that catch-up time, so we even took some of the discs with us.  I have fond memories of sitting on the bed in our room in the Trastevere neighborhood of Rome after a long day of sightseeing and watching The Night's Watch prepare for the attack of the Wildings (Season 4) on Hubby's laptop.

So when we arrived home from our trip, we were well and truly ensconced in "Game of Thrones."

Warning:  If you haven't been watching "Game of Thrones" and plan to, proceed with caution.  Possible spoiler alerts.

As I said, Season Six ended the day before yesterday (Sunday), and I am not happy that I have to wait another year to find out whether Daenarys will take control of the Seven Kingdoms, get a boyfriend (or girlfriend) and live happily ever after, who Jon Snow's father is and what will happen to Sansa and Arya, though I have to say there is some deep satisfaction that the icky High Sparrow has finally been dispatched. What a pain he was!

What is it about these TV shows that draw us in to the point that we will spend entire weekends watching episode after episode because we can't get enough? 

I think that telling and listening to a good story is in our DNA. 

A good story speaks to who we are and some themes transcend time and place. Where once we sat around the fire eating our mastodon steak and recounting our adventures fighting dinosaurs, now we stand around the water cooler at work with our Starbucks and retell our favorite moments in our favorite TV shows. Some things never change. We can all come together and bond over a good story and "Game of Thrones" is a damn good story with elements we can relate to, despite the fact it takes place hundreds of years ago and features dragons.  

In the end, it doesn't matter if you are a "Game of Thrones" fan or an "Outlander" fan or a "Mad Men" fan.  If it's a good story with family problems, mother and daughter relationships, royal intrigue, romance, danger, war, friendship, loyalty, betrayal, sex, all of which are part of the human condition, it speaks to us as humans. We can relate in some fashion to all of those.  Well, maybe not the royal part, but all of the other stuff.

All of those things draw us together in common experience.  For example, we realize that mothers throughout time have had to deal with children who didn't do what they wanted them to do.  Friends have betrayed friends and fathers have been disappointed in their sons then and now.  Dragons have come to our rescue.  Well, maybe not that, but the gamut of human emotions and frailties are played out. There is usually a sense of catharsis at the end of a particularly intense or satisfying episode, and we can also feel grateful when we realize that their lives are way worse than ours. For example, unlike in the "Game of Thrones" world, I don't particularly need to worry that when I am feasting on a big leg of lamb at a banquet, that I could very well get my throat slit. There is comfort in that.

Watching "Game of Thrones" also gives us an escape from our sometimes mundane lives and allows us to be a part of something epic without having to leave home and actually participate in bloody battles or live in drafty castles.


It's also educational.

We can learn some things when we watch stories like "Game of Thrones." 



Here are some things I learned:

• I learned that I wasn't such a bad Mom.  My kids would have been mortified and probably never forgiven me, if, like Cersei, I had pissed off the local clergy and had to do a naked "Walk of Shame" down the streets of our town with the soccer moms shouting "Shame! Shame!" and me wishing I hadn't eaten that extra piece of chocolate cake. Cersei probably would also have caused scenes at ball games or blown up the hot dog stand if her kids didn't get to play. I also didn't kill my kids. I managed to avoid all of that.

• I learned I have a vengeful side.  I couldn't wait to see Lord Ramsay Bolton, one of the most insidious and sadistic characters of all time, get his, and, boy, did he.  I HATED him!  During the penultimate episode, I sweated so much that I think I lost about 30 pounds or maybe it was all that jumping up and down in glee I did.

• Lord Bolton's demise also taught me that it's a good idea to keep your dogs fed, especially if you are an abusive husband and your wife plans for you to go to the dogs, literally.

• I learned that family feuds don't end well nor does running off and joining a cult.

• Women can be badass warriors.

• It's not just me.  Wine has always been with us.  They drank a lot of it back then.

• We should have some dragons at our beck and call or at least a dire wolf or two.

• I learned that if you are a hunky, handsome leading man, it's not beyond the realm of possibility that you will be brought back from the dead, especially if we pray really hard.

• And in the immortal words of Yogi Berra, "It ain't over till it's over." In a really good series like "Game of Thrones," the story and characters are unpredictable and continually surprising. Just like Jon Snow coming back to life, you can't predict what will happen. I can't wait to see what is in store.

I have a question though.  With all of that velvet, brocade, leather and lace everyone wore back then, where did they get their clothes dry-cleaned?

Watching "Game of Thrones" has helped to wean me off of my diet of "Housewives," home tours, food competitions and other reality shows and to broaden my TV watching horizons. 

So "Game of Thrones" may be done for this season, which makes me sad, but I plan to drown my sorrows by immersing myself in one of these series. 

"Breaking Bad"
"Outlander"
"Orange is the New Black"
"House of Cards"
"Homeland"
"Scandal"
"The Fall"

Along with some wine and my very own little dire poodle, that ought to do the trick until "Game of Thrones" comes back!

See you next year "Game of Thrones!"

Until then...

Thanks for Reading!
 
See you Friday

for my review of

"Now You See Me 2"


and 

 
The Week in Reviews
(What to See or Read and What to Avoid)

 
and the latest on

"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before
 
 I Die Project."



 

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