Tuesday, December 27, 2016

My New Year's UN - Resolutions

[I wrote this a couple of years ago on the eve of the New Year and, with a little updating, I think it bears repeating - Happy New Year, everyone!]

I think there was only one year that I didn't resolve to lose weight and that was the year I lost 50 pounds.  But I started in October, so that doesn't count.  That was almost eight years ago, and let's just say, I haven't gained it all back, but I've gained back enough to make me want to diet all of the time.

But no!

I am not going to set this trap for myself again.  When I lost that weight, I started in October, for god's sake, so obviously resolving to make huge changes in your life starting January 1st is a bargain with the devil.

I have done it every year, made New Year's Resolutions and set myself up to fail - lose weight, exercise every day, watch less TV and be nicer to Hubby only to find myself on January 2, lying on the bed all day watching TV and ordering Hubby to bring me a root beer float!

So this year, I am going to decide what I am NOT going to do in the New Year.

Welcome to my New Year's UN-Resolutions!


1. I am NOT going to gain any more weight.

I am thinking using reverse psychology might work, but whether I lose weight or not, I am not going to gain any more and I am not going to stress about it.  It's not like I am trolling for men (well, not lately anyway), and Hubby doesn't seem to mind a little extra something. 

I have tried every diet under the sun and almost all of them require that you give up a major food group.  Do I really want to live the rest of my life never having Thai food again or eating a piece of bread?  I think not. I know that moderation is the key and that's what I will shoot for, not just with food but with my life in general. 

What this is going to do is make we appreciate what I already have.  I already have a body that seems to be working, has gotten me this far and allows me to still carry on a bit of style, so I am going to be happy with that and give it some respect. 

If, during the course of the year, some of that fat falls off, all the better, but in the meantime, I am going to remind myself of Catherine Deneuve's famous delicate words: "After 40 a woman has to choose between her face or her ass."  Since I don't want to be an ass, I choose my face.

2. I am NOT going to add any more bad habits to my life.

That's the best I can do. 

I like to drink wine, I like to stay up late, I like to sleep late, I like to eat sweets, I like to watch too much TV, I like gossip magazines and I like French fries.  Those are all things that many would consider bad habits.  But since I don't think people really can change that much, the best I can do is not add anything new from the bad habit category into my life and try to add some good ones as they come along. 

3. I am NOT going to be an enabler for Tarquin, my wine-guzzling poodle, any longer.

Little Tarquin and I like to watch "The View" together. 

I like to also have a drink (now don't go there. I know "The View" is on in the morning but, people, remember I have TIVO.  I can watch programs anytime so I am talking about during the cocktail hour or after).  Tarquin likes to curl up on my lap whilst I watch and that gives me great comfort. Unfortunately, Tarquin also likes to lick the wine off of my lips, and he makes me give him a slug or two.  I really try not to.  But he forces me.  He nudges my glass and keeps nudging it until I relent.  I guess he likes full participation.

  I know, I know it's wrong because invariably he either passes out

or gets mean and starts a fight with one of the other dogs over a chewed up toy. 

There's nothing worse than a toy poodle with a chip on his shoulder.  I will have to try to find a way to sneak off with my glass of wine so he doesn't know I am watching "The View."  But I will miss him.


4. I am NOT going to buy any clothes that I do not try on.

I like to shop for clothes.  I like to buy clothes.  I have three closets full and I am unapologetic.  However, what I DON'T like to do is try them on. 

I do mall walks for exercise sometimes, but I am also keeping my eye on items I like and when they go on sale, I swoop.  So I like to swoop, but I don't like to have to go in the dressing room, take off my clothes and shoes, try the thing on and then get dressed again.  However, swooping and buying doesn't work that well.  When I get it home and finally do try the thing on, somehow it doesn't look as good on me as I imagined (I think I am always imagining my 35 year old self), so in those closets reside some clothes with store tags still on them, because I either was too lazy to take the items back or have some idea that some day they will fit me.  I know, famous last words.  Those items will probably have cobwebs on them by the time they ever fit me again.

Note: This Un-Resolution was Hubby's favorite, because he thinks this means I will stop buying clothes online.  Uh-uh.  Nope.  What he doesn't realize is there are clothes out there I have already bought, which means I have tried them on so should I want more of those items, I am not breaking my Un-Resolution. So there.  Sorry, Hubby.

5.  I am NOT going to stop watching TV.

I have decided when someone who looks down on TV and snootily says something like, "I don't watch TV," I am going to reply, "No need to apologize."  I have learned to be unapologetic about this vice.

I have come to realize that TV and I go way back. 

I remember when one of our neighbors got a TV. 

It was 1954.  I was so transfixed I would sneak over to their house and stand on their porch and peer into their window to get a glimpse of "Lassie" or "I Love Lucy."  My grandparents lived a few blocks away and they had a TV before we did.  I remember going over there on a Friday night to watch the Friday Night Fights.  I didn't like that much, but we also went over to watch "The Wizard of Oz" or other special programs. It was a big deal. When we finally got our own TV a year later, we had TV trays and everything. I spent many a night watching television with my Dad. I soon realized my father was an addict. My mother must not have had the gene because she rarely watched. But TV addiction runs in my family.  There is nothing I can do about it.

6.  I am NOT going to keep trying to get Oprah to discover my blog.

I would be happy with 500 page views per day.  I put my blog out on Twitter hoping a Kardashian might see it and retweet it, thus basically turning the whole world onto my blog. I send some to Oprah that I think she would like (she loves libraries and dogs) in hopes that she would share it with her legion of Twitter fans thus making my blog go viral.  But I know that is probably futile.

But you know what?

Regardless of whether or not my blog is discovered by the masses, I enjoy writing it and communicating.  I think communicating is one of my life's purposes, and I plan to communicate the heck out of the New Year whether or not my readership keeps going up!

But it wouldn't hurt if you shared it, though.  Not that I'm hinting or anything.

7. I am NOT going to order Hubby around (he ordered me to put that in).

8.  I am NOT going to bitch about my life, or the state of the world or some of the idiots who inhabit it.

Bitching about one's life only makes you and everyone around you feel worse.  A bit of gratitude makes the world a better place and we all have things to be grateful for, right?

As for the state of the world, if I care that much, I am not going to bitch about it, I am going to do something about it. 

As for the idiots, not my problem.


9. I am NOT going to stress about the fact that I only have eight UN-Resolutions.

I am the sort who likes things to add up to ten.

10. I am NOT going to beat myself up if I can't live up to my UN-Resolutions.

Oh, I guess that makes 10.  Sweet!

So my friends, there you have it. 

A new and UN - stressful way to come into the New Year.

But however you do it, I wish you a wonderful entrance into the New year and may this New Year be your best yet.

And I hope we will meet here regularly on my blog!

Thanks for reading.

See you Friday 
for my review of the movie
"La La Land"

as well as some
movies you might have missed
(and some you will be glad you did),


The Book of the Week
and my progress on
"My 1001 Movies I Must See Before I Die Project."

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  1. My un-resolution is this: I am going to try and not use the word "Should". I finally looked deeply at the word and said, "Says who?!" Either do the thing or don't. And if I didn't...I didn't. That moment to have done it has passed. I can't go back and re-live it. And if I don't want to do that thing, then I won't. No judgment about it. It just doesn't/didn't get done. Because I am really intending to stop "should-ing" all over myself in 2017!

    1. So funny you should mention the word "should." My Dad used to say it was the worst word in the English language. I think my mother used it a lot! :)